You can't spell space without ace (vkook)

I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved from who I'm not

That phrase was probably the reason behind why Jeongguk came to accept himself in a level that no matter what people would say to him, he would never allow them to get into his head and make him question himself again.

After hearing that he somehow felt happy, he felt happy he was asexual once again, he felt proud to identify with that, and he felt relieved to feel like this again.

Because you can never control how people will react after you come out to them, of course is better if they are accepting, but if they are not then you need to be prepared for that, you need to know that you can't let their negativity and their stupidity get to you. It's not your fault that they are ignorant and even though it hurts like hell, we got to learn how to be proud of ourselves in a way that won't let others make us feel bad with their ignorance.

Jeongguk had been watching Miles Mckenna videos for days now, because it was in those videos that the boy came across that phrase that made him really proud of himself again.

He eventually discovered that the phrase Miles said in more than one video, was actually from Kurt Cobain, and that Kurt's phrase was actually a derivation of a phrase by the French author André Gide that said "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not", but independently from where the original source was, that phrase was beautiful.

Because honestly there will always be people out there who will hate you for who you really are and you should not hide yourself or pretend that you are something that you are not, only to be loved by those people.

Of course that doesn't mean you need to go out coming out to everyone, especially if you are aware that they won't support you. Jeongguk doesn't know how his future will be, but he is sure he won't come out to his father while he still lives under the same roof as him, because he may love his father and the older man has his good moments, but Jeongguk is sure he would not hesitate to invalidate asexuality.

Maybe he won't have a problem with Jeongguk being panromantic, after all the man did not have a problem when he found out that one of Jeongguk's cousin is bisexual, but you never know right. Sometimes when it is not your own family you accept it, but when it is, you don't.

Jeongguk wasn't willing to risk anything, so he came to the terms that he would only tell his father about his romantic attraction, and only if he ended up in a serious relationship with a boy.

He also knew his sister was not coming out to his parents any time soon, because she knew how ignorant they can be and wasn't willing to take any chances.

But when the time comes, if it ever comes, Jeongguk hopes his parents will accept not only him, but his sister as well, and if they don't, then it's their loss.

It's really hard to accept yourself in such a level, but it is not impossible and even if there will be people who will hate you for who you are, there will also be people out there who will love you for that. And it is in those people that you should focus on.

Jeongguk did spent the entire week feeling off, feeling mad at his friend and feeling hurt from the words Yugyeom had said to him.

The worst part of it all was that coming out to Yugyeom didn't happen because Jeongguk choose to.

He may have chosen to agree with Yugyeom's statement but he never wanted to come out to him. Not now, maybe not ever, he thought he could avoid it altogether like he intends to do with his parents.

It wasn't like it was with his sister.

That was some sort of "coming out without intending to do so", but he knew he would come out to his sister, he wanted to wait a bit more because by then he didn't even knew his romantic attraction, but he was sure he wanted to do so, so when he did and she accepted him, it was okay.