For Forever (Evan X Connor)

Chapter 2

We get to the hospital but I am not allowed into the room with them. The paramedics had a hard time trying to keep Connor awake and they saw that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I step outside to get some fresh air and to get rid of that hospital smell.

I call my mom as soon as I catch my breath. She would know what to do. She always does. I dial and it only rings once before she answers it. 

"Hey sweetie, is everything okay?" I hear her say in a cheery tone. "I-- mom-- Connor-- he-" I feel my breath becoming shorter and shorter and try to focus more on what I'm saying. "I went on a walk to the park, and Connor Murphy, a guy from school, was there, and he was trying to kill himself and I found him and called 911 and now I'm waiting at the hospital and I don't want him to be hurt." I rush out as fast as possible, knowing my mom is used to it and will probably catch most of what I had said.

"You're so brave Evan." My mom said, obviously tearing up. "I am so proud of you. Do you need me to come and wait with you there?" I bit my lip in frustration because I knew I wanted my mom here with me for this, but I didn't want Connor to judge me for needing my mom. 

"I'll take your silence as my answer. I'm on my way. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you while I drive over?" I nod my head fast but realize that she can't actually see me and what I'm doing. "Yes please" I whisper to her.

"So who is Connor Murphy? Is he a friend of yours? " I can hear the smile in her voice at the idea of me having a real friend. "I think he could be eventually if he ends up being okay after this..." I trail off without thinking about my words.

Could Connor Murphy really be a friend to me? It's kind of hard to imagine because he literally shoved me this morning. He clearly doesn't like me. It could be a coping mechanism though because he said something today when he signed my cast about how we could both pretend we have friends.  Does he really not have any friends? 

"That's great sweetie! You can be there for each other! Help each other out when you need it. I'm sure Connor will be okay because you got to him so fast." My mom reassures me. Anything medical that my mom tells me, I trust. I know that she wouldn't lie to me about it because what good will lying do? 

I sit with my back against the wall of the hospital and wait to see the black car pull up. "How close are you mom? Do you have any of my pills with you? I feel I'm going to pass out." 

I hear her go through her purse and pray that she has a couple of my emergency pills with her. "Found a couple, and I'll be there in one minute. I'm just down the road, okay? " I sigh in relief. I don't know how long I could have sat there without her or my medication. 

I see her car pull into the staff area of the parking lot so she doesn't have to pay and she jogs lightly over to where I am sitting. She pulls me into a tight hug and rubs my back. "I am so proud of you Evan. You did the right thing." She unlocks herself from the hug and hands me my pills and some water.

After sitting in silence for a few moments so I can collect my thoughts, she offers to come inside with me. 

"Thanks for coming mom," I whisper to her as we walk back into the emergency room. "Do you think they'd let me see him now?" My mom furrowed her brow, and I knew she was thinking hard about the policies of the hospital. 

"Well, you're not family, but since you're the one that brought him here, I don't think it would be a problem. Sit here. I'll go ask someone." My mom goes up to talk to one of her friends, and I try to read the body language if it's a good or bad thing that is being discussed. I take a sip of my water and look to the doors where the patients keep going through. 

My mom comes back to me with a slight smile on her face. "Connor is alright sweetie. He will be okay. The doctors said they only want family to come in though, but they can't reach anyone." I stare at the floor and start scratching at my hands. 

"So h-he's all alone. And his family isn't coming. And he just tried to c-commit suicide. T-they can't let one person back there to see him?" I start to get mad. "Don't they get that being alone after trying to kill yourself is poisonous?! That you're just thinking that it's one more thing you failed at, and you're thinking if you regret the choice. And you keep thinking nobody even cares because here you are! All alone still!" I am breathing super heavily and my mom is just staring at me, not sure what to say.

"I need to see Connor," I say, sure of myself for once. I say it and then take off through the doors where the patients go. 

"Which room is Connor Murphy in?" I say firmly to a nurse behind the counter. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're not supposed to be back here." A man tells me as he is coming around to escort me back to the waiting room. 

"No! I need to see him! He just tried to kill himself and he needs a friend. Please let me go back there." I say. I didn't realize how desperate it sounded until it came out of my mouth and I saw the tension leave the man. 

"I'm so sorry. I'm not supposed to let you do this, but I trust you. I'll bring you to him. If anyone asks you're his..." the nurse was thinking of an explanation.

"Boyfriend?" I squeaked out. He looked at me and nodded. Seemed to be a good enough alibi. 

He opens the door and I see a very tired looking Connor on the bed. The nurse leaves us alone.

"Connor, are... are you okay?" I managed to get out at barely a whisper. He laughed at me slightly and  said: "Do I seem okay to you?" 

I shook my head fast to say no and pulled the chair from the corner of the room to next to his bed so I could talk to him face to face, without feeling like my knees were going to give out. 

"Hansen. I hate hospitals..." His voice trailed off. I grabbed his hand instinctively and started to rub it with my thumb. He looked at it in shock at first, but then I saw the tension leave his body. "I'm really glad they let you back here. I don't think I would be able to handle being alone much longer. It was driving me insane." 

I looked down at our hands knowing that I did the right thing. "I kind of let myself back here. I knew that after doing... that. You uh-- you shouldn't be alone with your thoughts... You know?" 

"Thank you... how would you know that?" He asked. I quickly tried to figure out a way out of this and said "It's uhm, common knowledge.. .you know? Like, don't ever leave a suicide attemptee by themselves? It isn't healthy and like someone should really look into learning about mental health here because the mental health department of this hospital sucks..." I realize I'm rambling and quickly trail off. Probably annoying him.

"You're not just going to look at me like that now are you...? Someone who attempted..?" his voice quivering a little. I knew he was looking for validation, and even possibly a friend.

I sighed, "Not if you don't look at me that way either."