For Forever (Evan X Connor)

Chapter 9

It has been about 3 weeks since Connor and I kissed, and nothing has really happened about it? I have spent more nights with Connor than I thought possible. I always have fun with him, whether we do something or not. 

Connor was coming over tonight to show me how to do melted crayon art. I've never had Connor over to my house before, so I have spent the last couple days to make sure everything was spotless. I don't really know what to call "us" considering we kind of always avoid the topic. If Jared teases us in public Connor always gets really tense, so I try not to bring it up too often.

I hear a knock on my door and see Connor in some old clothes. I am in a really nice button up and my nicest jeans. Oh god, what am I doing? "You look great, Ev" Connor smiles at me and kisses my cheek. I let him into my home and show him to my kitchen table. 

I have 2 big packs of crayons and newspaper all over the table, as well as 2 big canvases. "I'm going to go change. I didn't really think this through" I laugh and scratch my head.

When I make it back, Connor has his heat gun and glue gun plugged into the wall next to the table. "Much more appropriate Hansen," Connor comes over and hugs me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder.

" Do you have anything in mind of what you want to create? Or where you want to hang it once it's done? That's usually what I start with," Connor says all with his arms wrapped around me.

"Lets make one together and I can hang it above my bed in my room?" I suggest. It would be a great reminder everyday when I woke up how much Connor makes me happy.

"I love that idea Ev," Connor pecks me on the cheek again and goes over to the table so we can start.

The next couple hours we spent making art, and I had Connor order us a pizza. I'm glad that I put so much newspaper everywhere because I didn't know how much the crayons would spray!

"So, Evan Hansen, are you satisfied with your creation?" I look down and see a rainbow heart that has been exploded and it looks really good.

"Ya, it reminds me of us." I whisper. It reminded me how Connor makes my heart feel like it's going to explode every time I am with him. The rainbow is for LGBTQ+. I have finally figured out that I am Pansexual. It feels good to understand who you are.

Connor turns me around to face him and he leans down and kisses me. My heart rate instantly increases and my entire body seems to melt at his touch. I put my arms around his neck and everything's okay.

He pulls away, and I can feel myself pout a little. Connor was more than just some crush. And whether or not we date I know we are soul mates.

Soul mates to me is more than just who you marry. It's who can make a huge impact on your life. Like your life was meant to have them in it, or you would end up a different person. Connor is my soul mate and there's no denying that.

We let the painting dry and go watch a movie on Netflix. "You can choose, you're my guest!" I offer him the remote and he kisses my hand very cheesily. "Why thank you for blessing me with this opportunity."

Of course he chooses some horror movie. Not something I would choose but if that's what floats his boat, I'll try to like it for him.

About half way through, my entire face is pressed into Connors chest and he has an arm around me. He keeps placing kisses on my head and rubbing my back to make sure I'm alright.

I pause the movie and he looks at me puzzled.

"What are we?!" I blurt out. "This has been puzzling me for a couple weeks now. I just want to know if this is like... serious? Or is it just something to do? I'm just kind of confused by it all. I've never had this kind of thing before. Like you're just so great and I don't really know if this is just some joke to you or---" Connor stops my rambling by kissing me.

This is the most passionate we have ever kissed. He is basically on top of me at this point and everything about it makes my heart feel like a thousand fire works. He bites down on my lip, which is new to me, but also, I love it?

I put my arms around his head, which sometimes I feel bad about because of the cast thing. Its probably heavy, but the only thing I can really focus on is Connor. I run my fingers through his hair and he kisses me harder. That kind of gives me the indication that he likes that.

He starts to grind into my leg and I panic a little bit. I don't really want to have sex yet. We aren't far enough into the relationship. We haven't even said if we were dating. I stop kissing him, and I think he feels me get tense and sits back up.

"Sorry, I guess I was getting a little carried away," he was playing with his fingers and grabbed a pillow from the corner of the couch and put it on his lap.

"It's okay," I whisper and kiss his cheek. "So, I mean, that was great and all, but can we talk about this?"

Connor nodded and looked over to me, who is eager to hear his response.
" Well, I can't keep denying I like boys forever considering I fell pretty hard for you." I hear him start. He sounds so nervous so I move closer to him and hold his hand for support.

"I want to ask you to be my boyfriend, but I'm so scared I'm not going to be good enough for you and I just want you to have the absolute best at all times." He says, and I can see some tears form in his eyes.

"Connor, you're not perfect. You're perfect for me. Can we pleaseee just be boyfriends already!" I laugh out. I never expected to have this much confidence in a situation like this.

"I would like that." He smiles and kisses my cheek. "Now let's go hang that painting!"

After finding a perfect spot for it to go, Connor helps me add command strips and stick it to the wall because he's a lot taller than me.

"I love it!" I yell and flop onto my bed, Connor shortly follows. "Thanks for such a great night" I kiss his nose and see his entire face crinkle into a smile.

"Anything for my amazing boyfriend." He laughed out. Boyfriend was going to sound like such a foreign word for a while to both of us.

I layed my head one his chest and kissed it a couple times. I could hear his breathing get shallow and steady meaning he was falling asleep. I wrapped my arms around him and covered us with the blankets.

"Goodnight, boyfriend."