For Forever (Evan X Connor)

Chapter 1

"Dear Evan Hansen, 

Today has been a crazy day. I know I have already written a letter to myself today, but I can't just go to my next session empty-handed. The first letter was taken from me by Connor Murphy..."

I look up from my computer and remember the events from earlier. I can't believe that Connor thought that my intentions were to hurt him with that letter. Why would I ever want to hurt anybody?  I sigh of frustration and go back to writing my letter for Doctor Sherman. 

"Connor Murphy is different. He scares me a lot but he seems sad and I don't think he has anyone to talk to. I mean he has his family, but Zoe doesn't really seem too fond of him based on our one conversation that we had today. That was a good thing that happened to me today. I talked to Zoe Murphy!" 

I stare at my laptop and realize that the whole reason Connor got upset with this letter before was because of Zoe. Should I even mention Zoe in this letter? I don't want Connor to find it and get upset again or tell Zoe that I'm crazy or something because I'm not. 

I need to get out of here. I grab a sweater and my phone and head for the door. I step outside and am kind of shocked at how dark it is outside. I check my phone and see that it is already 9:30, but my mom won't be home for a couple hours so it'll be fine.

I start heading towards a park that I go to when I need to just take my mind off of things. It has really cool white birch trees that go around the perimeter of the park that I can look at while I'm on the swings.

Usually, if I go out this late nobody else is at the park. I get nervous about going when I see someone laying on the bench. I think about turning around to go back home rather than bothering this person who is laying on the bench, but the bag next to the bench looks familiar.

I walk slowly up to the person laying on the bench, unsure if they're just sleeping or what they're doing.

"Connor?" I whisper. He looks like he is asleep but something just seems wrong to me. I go up to him faster and see an empty bottle of pills in his hands and he is fading in and out of consciousness.

"Go away," he says weakly. I already feel my brain on autopilot dialing 911. This isn't good. I grab his hand and rub my finger over it shakily while hearing the phone ring. "please stay awake Connor, please please please" I mutter as I wait.

"911 what is your emergency" I hear a woman finally answer. I look down at Connor who is really edging out of reality. "HI, I need someone to get here as fast as possible! My friend, I think he just swallowed a whole bottle of pills and I don't want him to die please come help him." I spit out as fast as I can, trying not to cry.

Connor Murphy wasn't really my friend. It was fun imagining it though. Having a friend? If he found me like this he would do the same thing, right?

"Sir I need you to breathe and tell me where you are. We will send an ambulance as soon as you can tell us." I forget what the name of the park is so I try to take a deep breath and collect my thoughts. "It's the park off of Parkdale. We are on a bench near the parking lot. Please hurry". "On its way. Try to keep your friend awake please."

I hang up the phone and sit down on the grass next to Connor.

"Hey, Connor! Please stay awake okay? Please. I'm so sorry I made you upset earlier today you didn't deserve to feel that way I should've thought before printing it off. I should've realized you would pick it up. I promise it won't happen again." I squeeze his hand and feel myself crying.

Connors eyes flutter open and look at me and he starts to tear up. "I'm sorry Evan. I can't," he closes his eyes and I feel myself panic.

In the background, I hear the sirens get louder. The ambulance is almost here. Come on Evan keep him awake.

"What kind of nail polish do you use! It's really nice.. it suits you?" I say unsure of myself. I don't know anything that Connor likes, or does.

"Just some stuff from the corner store... any nail polish on me my dad would hate," He says softly and laughs.

"I don't get along with my dad either" I whisper, the ambulance should be here soon. "What kind of music do you listen to?"

"What would you guess for me?" He says with a faint smile. I think about it for a second before answering, scared to give the wrong answer and have him get upset at me. "Metal?"

He shakes his head subtly. "Good guess, Hansen. I mainly listen to classical."

"Classic rock?" I squeak out, not wanting to sound stupid, but praying the ambulance would be here already. I can see the lights now from down the road.

"No silly. Classical music. Mozart, Bach, Haydn. I know, weird right?" How does he manage to still be funny when he his like this.

"I never pegged you as that kind of person," I say shocked by how easily I can talk to Connor. "Don't judge a book by its cover. I'm not how everyone makes me out to be."

As he finishes the sentence, the ambulance pulls into the parking lot and the paramedics come to us with a stretcher.

"Can Evan ride with me," Connor whispered to a paramedic who nodded at me to join them because I just stood there in disbelief the whole time. I grabbed Connors bag off the ground and headed towards the ambulance with them.

"Thank you Evan" Connor smiled at me. "For everything".