For Forever (Evan X Connor)

Chapter 3

"What do you mean?"  Connor stared warily at me. I felt like I was a deer caught in headlights. I shouldn't have said anything about it. I should have just dropped the whole thing when I had a chance. 

"How'd you break your arm, Evan?" Connor said with more firmness to his voice. I felt tears prick at my eyes and took a deep breath. "I didn't fall. I let go... I laid there for hours by myself with my arm broken, wondering why I couldn't even get that right." I sighed and played with my cast. Tracing Connor's name over and over again. 

"I kept, uhm,  thinking about how my mom would feel, and I was really.... I was really glad that I didn't die?" It came out as a question even though I was sure that I was thankful to still be here. 

"It gets... it's um... hard some days? Keeping that big of a secret from everyone. There are days that are a lot harder than others, and I never have anyone to turn to... and I just. I don't want you to feel like that too Connor." I finally look up from my cast and I have snot running out of my nose, and my eyes feel puffy.

I look Connor in the eyes and he just looks dumbfounded. 

"So do we have a deal....?" I whisper. He raises an eyebrow, questioning what I'm talking about. "We won't just look at each other like people who have... you know... attempted?" 

Connor nods and squeezes my hand making me realize that I am still holding it. 

We sit together in silence that just brings me peace. It doesn't feel awkward or suffocating like most times I'm in these situations. I hear the door behind me open, but I don't move. It feels like if I let go of Connor's hand, I'll lose a potential friendship. I'll lose Connor. 

"Hey sweetheart, how is everything?" I hear my mom say as she pulls up a chair. "It's okay, Ms. Hansen" Connor gives her a small smile. "I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better! We just got a hold of your mom, and she is on her way hun."

Connors smile fades slowly as he realizes that he is going to have to try to explain this to his mom. I can see the panic in his eyes as he tries to come up with a way out of it. "Take a deep breath" My mom and I say at the same time. I laugh a little and smile at my mom. I'm happy to be shaping up like her.

"What will she think? She's going to think I just wanted attention, or was trying to feel a high but overdid it." Connor rambles for the 1st time since I met him.

I glide my finger across his hand and relax my breathing so that he can match mine, and it works eventually. "Connor, you need help. I know it isn't what you want to hear right now... but you're going to get better, and find ways to help yourself. Okay? " He nods slowly at me. 

"Thanks, Evan. We can work with each other on each other?" I smile and turn to my mom. "Hey mom, look I have a friend!" I laughed a little and wiped my eyes again. 

The door cracks open a little to reveal a timid tall blonde woman who I assume is Connors mom. She steps slowly into the room, but then can't help it and goes over quickly to hug her son. I can see him get tense then release the tension because he feels like he is needed.

I go over to my own mom and give her a tight hug. "I love you,mom," I say lightly as I hug her tighter. 

"Connor, I'm going to put my number in your phone if that's okay with you?" I say hesitantly.He hands me it unlocked so I quickly type the number and put it back into his hand. "Text me, okay?" I say as I give him an awkward hug. "Of course, Hansen." 

I turn towards my mom and give her a slight nod as a cue that we can go home now. The whole car ride is silent but it is exactly what I need at the moment. I hate the situation that we are in, but I'm really happy with how things are shaping out. I've gained a friend today.

The next day Connor texts me to tell me that he won't be at school for the next week, which is understandable. I really appreciate him telling me because he probably knew I would be panicking about his whereabouts. 

I decided I wanted to do something really special for Connor, to make him feel wanted. I wait a couple of days to go through with my plan because I don't want him to think I'm clingy or weird or anything like that. 

"You're actually going to finally talk to her?" Jared remarks questionably. "You're planning on talking to Zoe Murphy. How the fuck do you plan to do that?" 

I stare at my feet knowing that I just need to take a deep breath. Jared is just trying to discourage me. I've practiced what I was going to say a lot in my head so I wouldn't mess it up. "I can do this" I whisper to myself. Jared laughs at me and watches me from the bench in the hallway walk up to Zoe at her locker.

"Hey, Zoe! I know we don't talk much and this may sound really odd or creepy but I started talking to your brother and I wanted to go over during lunch hour to surprise him to make him feel like he does have friends and like I didn't just... forget about him. So if it isn't too creepy can you please type your address into my phone it would mean a lot to me." I gasp out. I feel like I'm out of air, and I stare at the ground with my phone extended in my hand for Zoe to grab.

"Are you sure you want to be around my brother? You guys just seem so.... different? I don't want you to get hurt..." She trails off looking at my cast with just his name on it. "I'm sure Zoe. We are more similar than we seem to be."

She looks at me hesitantly before grabbing my cellphone to make a memo of the address of the home. She hands me back the cell phone and I see she added her number in as well. 

"If you're going to be friends with my brother, I just thought you should have back up from somebody who knows him." She laughs. 

I stare in disbelief but I am so grateful she is so okay with all of this. I get overwhelmed and give her a huge hug. "Thank you, Zoe. This means a lot to me!" 

Before I could even get a response I speed walk down the hall to where Jared is looking at me in shock.

"What the fuck. Evan Hansen grew balls overnight. Ladies and gentlemen, Evan has become a man today!" With that, he grabs my hand and throws it into the air as a sign of victory. I quickly let go and recollect myself.

"I'm going to text her to make sure she has my number too..." I think out loud as I start to send my message to Zoe.

"You got her number too?! What did you do?! Become a new person in the past 48 hours?" Jared can't believe it but I just ignore him. I am so happy with everything that has been happening lately, nothing could bring me down.