For Forever (Evan X Connor)

Chapter 10

"HAPPY ONE MONTH!!!" Connor comes into the computer lab and hugs me from behind with a cupcake in his hand. It's a really cute gesture but I'm so stressed right now, nothing seems to be helping.

"Happy one month," I sigh and kiss his cheek setting the cupcake down and staring back at the computer screen.

Connor turns off the screen of the monitor and turns me towards him. I feel my face turn red with frustration because my spare period is the only time during school I have to focus on  writing these stupid scholarship essays.

"Tell me what's going on Ev. Let me help you." He grabbed my hands and rubbed the top of them gently with his thumb like I did for him in the hospital.

" Well I can't be helped much if my computer is turned off..." I huff out. I instantly feel bad for saying and and feel my headache get stronger.

"What I mean is that, well, I have to do these alone. I can't get into college without them and they're all stupid. I thought I loved writing before these." I flip through the folder of papers my mom made for me, all different categories of content and prize money.

"What do you mean you won't be able to go to college?" He looks at me confused.

"Does my family seem well off to you Connor! No. My mom works like 50 hours a week or something stupid and goes to school herself and my dad couldn't care less about me. If I don't write these to the best of my abilities I'll have to say good bye to the idea of ever going to college and I'll have to live with my mom forever!" I huff out. My heart rate is through the roof and my eyes keep watering.

"Evan just breathe, okay? Everything is going to be okay! Where is your medication?" Connor asks calmly while trying to have me breathe in time with him.

"I stopped taking it." I whisper. I hated feeling handicapped by it. I hated feeling like I relied on  medication. Like I was broken.

" You did what?" Connors eyes are 10 times wider and he is staring at me in disbelief.

"I didn't need them anymore. You made me so happy and calm I thought I would be fine without them." Connor looks at me with what seems to be disappointment.

"Dammit Evan you're supposed to be the logical one in this relationship." He laughed out. He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head.

"I'm not even good enough for college, Connor. There's too many new people and it's so stressful, and depending on where I go, I could be far from you. I don't want that. I want you." Connor continues to rub my back while trying to get me to focus on my breathing.

After I've calmed down a bit to a steady breathing pattern. Connor lets go of me. "You're in no shape to drive. I'm going to go to your house and grab your medication. Okay?" I nod,thankful for someone who is as understanding as him.

I hand him my keys and kiss him softly. "Thank you," I kiss him again. I sit back down and start to take the wrapper off the cupcake.

"Ill be back as fast as possible." Connor calls out as he leaves the room.

~Connors POV~
*how I managed to go 10 chapters without a POV change is beyond me*

I walk out to the parking lot to Evans car and hop in. What am I supposed to do? Evan is relying on me for his happiness and that is so much pressure. I have to try to convince him to take his medication again. I'll need to talk to him about that tonight after my therapy session.

Evans mom told me how good Dr. Sherman was, so my mom switched me to him instead. My other counciler was nice, but she didn't connect with me so I never opened up or told her anything.

I pull into Evans driveway, and run up the front steps to his door. When I get to his room I search for the box that used to be by the side of his bed. He clearly moved it because he doesn't want to be reminded of it.

After a couple minutes of searching I finally find the box tucked in a corner of the closet. I open it up and find a bunch of letters in there too.

Now I know I shouldn't snoop, but when they're right in front of you, it's hard to stop yourself.

September 10th
Dear Evan Hansen,
Today is going to be a good day and here's why. Today you get to see Connor. Even though we have only been talking for a couple days, I feel really good talking to him. It's so good to have someone to talk to.
Everyone keeps teasing me about Saturday. They all keep saying it's a date but, it isn't. Is it? It's just 2 dudes going out to dinner. Friends can do that right?
He's cute but I don't think that we would work in a relationship like that. Let's just see how this friendship goes.
Sincerely, me.

I smile at how cute Evan is and now here we are 2 months later and we are dating. Who would have predicted that. I look through a couple more that are more recent.

October 29th 
Dear Evan Hansen,
Today is going to be a good day and here's why. Connor and you are finishing shopping for your Halloween costumes. Connor wanted to be something scary, but he went with my corny idea instead. He's really sweet like that and it makes me love him more every day.

I rub my eyes and double check I'm reading that right. It most definitely said love.

He's everything you could have dreamed for and more. He makes me feel loved and complete. He is so good for me. It's hard to believe that we haven't even been together a month, it feels like forever with him. I can't wait to be with him for forever. He's my everything.
Sincerely, me.

I want to take that letter home with me so badly but he would have known I snooped. I can't believe he loves me.

Someone as great as Evan Hansen actually loves me. I could feel tears form because I was so overwhelmed by how I was feeling. I can't believe this.

I grab his medication and put the box away and drive quickly back to the school. Evan was in the same spot as before. I ran up to him and kissed him  like it was the last thing I was going to do.

I could feel how surprised he was by the kiss but he relaxed and kissed me back. There were one or 2 people in the lab with us now but I honestly don't care.

"Miss me that much?" Evan laughed as I finally pulled away.

"Always."