For Forever (Evan X Connor)

Chapter 8

I had never been kissed before this moment. I don't know how to react. I don't want him to think I don't like him, but I wasn't sure how I felt. How am I supposed to feel when your best friend kisses you?

 I kiss him back, not really sure of myself. I can feel the tenseness roll off of him when I do that, so I guess it isn't that bad? What am I doing?

He pulls away and his eyes go from smiling to hard and cold in seconds. "I think you should leave," he whispers at me. I stand there in disbelief. He just kissed me and now he wants me to leave? 

"What did I do?" I can feel my eyes begin to water. I don't want to lose him as a friend. I didn't do anything wrong. He kissed me. 

"Just get the fuck out Evan." He raises his voice at me. I don't even stop the tears now. Was there something I could have done differently? "Connor, just talk to me. Why are you acting like this?" 

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!" He screams and I didn't wait any longer. I unlock the door and run straight for my car. I pull my keys out of my back pocket and unlocked it so fast so I could hide. I can't see my phone through my teary eyes, but I somehow manage to call Jared. 

"What's wrong?" is the first thing that he says to me when he answers. He's usually up at this time anyway, so I didn't feel too guilty calling him. I put him on speaker phone and quickly tell him everything. I drive to his house while talking to him because I don't know who else to go to.

"Can you come outside? I'm at your house." I said shakily. I managed to stop crying on the way over here but I still can't wrap my head around what has just happened. Jared was knocking on the window of the passenger side before I even knew it. I guess I got lost in my thoughts. I unlock the door for him and we don't even drive anywhere. We just sit there and talk. 

"So Connor Murphy kissed you?" I nodded. "And you kissed him back?" I looked at him and hesitantly nodded again. I don't want him to make fun of me or something. "and this lasted a while? Not just like a peck or something?" I look down and start to play with my cast and trace his name slowly with my finger. "Ya, it lasted a while." 

"Maybe it's some like deep thing within him that's like super homo, but he's trying not to be?" I didn't really think about that. I have been thinking that he only started to talk to me because he wanted to get back at me for something. 

"I should go back there," I whisper. "I know that it sounds crazy but I need to talk to him." Jared stared dumbfounded at me. "Fine, but I'm coming with you for protection." I wasn't sure how smart that was, but he seems pretty adamant about it.

I take a deep breath when I get to the Murphys. "I need to go around to the side of the house. I can't go knock on the front door at 2:30 am." I mutter. I go to where Connors window is and it's pretty high up. I look around and find some small stones and I start to toss them at his window like a cliché movie or something. After about 3 minutes he finally opens his window. 

"What do you want?" He says. Its dark but I can tell that he has been crying. I can tell by his voice and his body language out the window. "Can you come down here and talk with me please?" I sound so desperate. I am desperate. I don't want to lose my best friend because of one incident. 

He closes the window, so I assume that he is coming down. I sit next to the tree and wait. I check my phone and see a text from Jared asking what is happening. I don't answer it because to be quite frank, I have no clue what is happening right now. I hear the front door open and jump up excitedly. 

"What did you want to talk about?" He asks with his arms folded, approaching me slowly. "About what just happened! Connor, I am sick of letting things just happen and not fighting for them. I am so done with that kind of life. I have always been like that. I do what other people ask me to because.. well because I am so scared to lose or disappoint them. Well, it seems like the only way that I am going to keep you is by doing the opposite and actually speaking my mind. Why are you treating me like this? If you're scared of who you are then, well, then let me help you get more comfortable with that. Okay? You're my.. You're my only friend Connor. You're my best friend, and I'm not losing you over the fact that you're scared you could be gay!" I huff out. I feel out of breath, and slightly angry. 

I feel his arms wrap around me tightly. "I'm sorry, Evan. I'm so sorry" He whispers and squeezes me tighter, almost as if to make sure I won't leave. We both sit down in the grass and face each other. 

"I don't know what I am Evan. If you're looking for answers on my sexuality, I don't have them. I just know that I.... I um...." he mumbles something that I can't quite make out. I ask him to repeat himself and his face is bright red at this point. 

"You make me feel alive Evan." He whispers and grabs my hand. "You make me feel important, and cared about, and nobody else has really made me feel like that before." I feel heat rush to my cheeks and instinctively nod. I know how he feels because it's the same way that he makes me feel. Like I have a purpose. Like I matter. 

"And like we haven't even been talking for a week and I jump to kissing you because I think, "Hey, this is obviously a crush" and mind you, I was also high..." 

I then lean in and kiss him. It was only a small peck, but I don't know why I do it in the first place. I sit back with wide eyes. "I'm sorry." I spit out as fast as I can register what just happened. 

Connor puts his shaky hand on my face and leans in slowly to where our foreheads are touching, and our mouths are centimeters apart. I look into his eyes and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. He closes the gap between our lips and we kiss. It was much more controlled but more passionate than the first one that we shared. I find myself putting my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me if that was even possible.

 I feel like we are in our own little world when I hear the car door open. I know that it is Jared coming to look for me because I never answered his text. I pull away, out of breath and smile at him. I can feel how red my face is and look down.

"Everything okay?" Jared asked and looked between the two of us. I nodded my head a lot. "Connor, are you good?" I hear him ask. I'm slightly shocked by his concern in Connor, but it makes me really happy. "Couldn't be better." He smiled and set his hand on top of mine. 

"We should probably get going, Ev. It's quarter after 3 already."  I nod and hug Connor. "I'll meet you at the car?" I squeek out to Jared. He raises an eyebrow but goes back to the car anyways. 

"We can talk more about this later?" I ask. Connor still looks a bit dumbfounded about the events of today. " Yeah... Yeah sounds good." He smiles and pulls me closer to him. 

"Goodnight," I whisper while staring into his really gorgeous eyes. How didn't I notice how mesmerizing they were before?

"Night Evan." I put a hand on his face and pull him closer to me to give him one more kiss. 

"Finally! My goodnight kiss! No date is complete without it." He laughed as he led me to my car. 

I got into my car and we both waved goodbye at each other one more time before I drove off. All while Jared spewed questions at me on the way home.