The Unexpected

Chapter 20: Decisions

It’s been a three months since me and Derrick broke up. I just want to crawl under a rock and cry the life out of me, but I have Bentley and the girls, so no, for their sake I’m going to suck it up and be the best mother I can be. “So, are we not going to talk about us or are you going to be childish and ignore me like you have for the past few months?” Derrick asked as we were trading the kids for the weekend. I’m not some cold hearted bitch. Yes, he broke my heart but I can’t keep his kids from him.

“Derrick, this isn’t the place or time. If I want to be childish then I can be, you cheated on me, remember that.” I retorted, not wanting to argue in front of the kids.

“Look, I know I fucked up and made the biggest mistake of my life. At least, let me explain–”

I cut him off, “Please, I don’t want to hear how you screwed some other females’ brains out, sorry.” He pulled my arm and kissed me. Not too hard and not too soft, it was perfect. It made me remember how much I love him and miss his kisses. He let go before I could react. As he walked away I called out, “Meet me at On the Boarder at 7:00 today.” I always told myself if a guy every cheats on you, leave him. Don’t give him another chance; he’ll just do it again. Maybe it won’t hurt to listen to what he has to say, though. I turned on my heels and made my way up to Jessica's room. I knew she’d know what to tell me. I opened the door with a loud sigh.

“What’s wrong?” My dad asked, sitting down on the couch. He patted a spot next to him for me to sit.

“I told Derrick I’d let him explain why he cheated. I love him, I do, but I’m so scared if I give him another chance; he’ll do it again. Dad, I can’t take the heart break again. I act so strong for the kids, but dad, I’m a mess inside.” I let all the tears that have built up out.

My dad embraced me in a hug, soothing me, “Baby girl, it is okay. Let it out.” When I got a hold of myself, my dad started to speak, “I have to tell you something, that you may or may not remember.” I nodded my head, allowing him to continue, “When you were four, I made the biggest mistake ever. I cheated on your mom with her best friend, Victoria.”

My dad paused allowing me to take it all in, “I remember her.”

“Remember when you and your mom stayed at Grandma’s for a long time?” I nodded my head. “It was your fourth birthday when it happened. I was somewhat young and felt as you deserved a better father and your mother deserved a better husband. I was depressed, so I went out and got drunk. I had no clue who to talk to and that’s all I wanted to do, was talk. I saw Victoria at the bar and walked over to talk to her. She offered me to go to her place for a more private place to converse. I told her how I felt and she said, I agree with you. You belong with me. I was stupid, so I went along with it.” He took a breath to wipe a tear away.

“I’m not saying that me being drunk was an excuse because there is no excuse for cheating. I felt bad, so I told your mother. She left me, of course. Eventually, she realized she loves me way more than one stupid, big mistake can ruin. No matter what, I’ll spend the rest of our lives trying to make it up to her and even then, I won’t be satisfied.” He looked down with shameful eyes.

“Thank you for telling me this,” I replied, honestly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby girl.” I heard a knock on the door and he got up to get it. “It’s my friend, Jason.” I nodded my head and walked upstairs.

“Hey,” I greeted Jessica as she opened her door. “I plan on talking to Derrick today,” I started off.

She looked shocked but composed herself. “That’s good because you can’t ignore him forever.” She replied.

I nodded my head and figured I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, “How are you and Mike?”

“Great, we are starting on the wedding. I need your help, maid of honor.”

“Of course.” I retorted. “What flowers do you want?”

“Pink and red roses,” I nodded, writing down what she said.

“Music?”

“Cumbia, pop, country, r&b, and everything pretty much.”

“Colors?”

“Gold, red, and white.”

After hours of planning her wedding, I noticed it was almost time for me to meet up with Derrick. “Can we finish this up another day? It’s almost time to meet up with Derrick.”

“Of course, good luck. I love you and no matter what, I’ll be here for you.” She stated. I got up after thanking her and walked to my room to get ready.

“Thanks for giving me the time. The kids are with my mom,” Derrick greeted me, in front of On the Border. I nodded my head, not wanting to speak in fear of releasing my breakfast.

“What drinks can I get for y’all tonight?” The waitress asked as we sat down.

“Water.” I answered, blankly.

“Same,” Derrick answered, not taking his eyes off me.

“Explain,” I spat out.

Derrick exhaled sharply, “I don’t know what to say. All this became too real and I just wanted to do something stupid as a teenager, one last time. When I went to a party with my homeboy Kyle, Nicole was there. She was talking to me after I had a lot to drink. We went upstairs and it just happened.”

“Is that all?” I asked, vomit rising in my throat.

“Look, I’m not making excuses for what I did. I did it and if you want to leave me and forget all about me that’s fine. But, I will chase you. I fucked up and I know it. You don’t understand, I sit at our house all day long and look at our family pictures, knowing I lost the perfect girl and family. I don’t want Bentley and the girls to be raised in split homes. I’m not saying for you to take me back, but please don’t give up on me.” He spoke, with tears falling down his face.

“What do you want me to do? Huh? Just fucking act like you didn’t cheat on me and break my fucking heart in two? Sorry, I can’t do that. I love you and I want to be with you but I’m so fucking scared, you’ll just cheat on me again. Ever since my ex, I told myself to never forgive a cheater. It’s different with you, though since we have kids together. If we got back together, every time you leave I’d have to question are you going to cheat on me, are you going to see her. I can’t put you through that, I can’t put the kids through that, I can’t put myself through that, I just can’t. You broke my fucking heart, and now you can pay for it.” With tears streaming down my face I had to find the courage to get up and walk out.

“Please, stop. I didn’t just break your heart, I broke mine too.” He stopped me as I made it out the door.

“Shut the fuck up, just stop. Don’t you think that’s a little bit selfish? Don’t you think you deserve to suffer for what YOU did? I didn’t cheat, you did.” I retorted, getting pissed.

“I don’t want to argue with you and this just isn’t getting anywhere. I’ll see you when I drop the kids off,” He walked away with his head down. I walked to my car and drove off. Not being able to hold it in anymore, I pulled over and released all my feelings. I slammed my hands on the steering wheel, wondering what the hell I did to deserve this. I put my head in my hands and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Is what I’m doing right? Should I allow him another chance? If not for me, then for the kids? After thinking for a long while, I made my decision. Now, I just have to find a way to tell him.