A Kestrel for a Star (Star Trek fanfiction)

Chapter 24

Kez could have ported to wherever Spock had hidden, however she was too tired. All of a sudden her limbs had felt far too heavy for her body and she was developing a pain in her head which was verging on becoming an epic migraine. She felt wobbly.

She'd heard Kirk's announcement over the Tannoy, announcing the plan to go after Nero and to rescue Captain Pike. Kez didn't blame him, Pike meant a lot to both of them and it made her sick to the pit of her stomach to think that he was onboard the enemy ship being tortured or worse - that he was already dead.

She tried to push those thoughts out of her mind as she continued to walk, her footsteps echoing against the polished white floors and around the bright corridors. It was becoming far too bright for her to stand anymore. When she's joined Starfleet she had presumed she would spend the missions analysing weapons from other worlds and designing and submitting plans back to Starfleet so that they could build better weapons for their own use. She thought she'd be working closely with the engineers onboard and discussing ideas, developing her own knowledge and participating in space exploration. She hadn't imagined the events of the last twenty-four hours, even if she had been witness to the discovery of a transwarp theory which had the potential of changing the way Starfleet transported their cadets.

Kez stopped as she rounded the next corner and slid down the wall, giving up a little inside. Maybe she hadn't wanted to look for Spock, maybe she had just wanted some time alone. She pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them there, resting her forehead on her knees.

She found herself thinking back to when she was eleven – landing on Vulcan for the first time. How she'd first met Spock, alien to her with his pointy ears and eloquent speech. They had stayed in contact since then, using holographic telecoms to communicate every week until late in the evening. They'd developed their friendship into one built on trust, honesty and the kind of love that Kez had wished she had known from her friends on Earth. Spock had become more than a friend, he was a brother. And as she grew up she began making the trip to see him more often, especially as her father, Wallace, had undertaken more work with Spock's father. Kez used to take her homework and Spock would help her study.

She smiled at that. Spock had single-handedly helped her pass all the exams she had needed in order to be able to apply for Starfleet in the first place.

She also began recalling of Spock's mother had taken a shine to her. Maybe it was because she was human and liked listening to Kez's stories of Earth.

A tear rolled down her face. There was nothing she could have done to save Amanda Grayson, she knew that. But Kez could still feel the silk of the scarf falling through her fingers in her last-ditch attempt to grab hold of Spock's mother, and the feeling of the light material was enough to make her stomach heave.

She hadn't really had time to mourn, neither had Spock. Kez wondered if much of what had happened was down to the fact both of them were dealing with so many emotions that were just being channelled into reckless anger. Kez couldn't get the wild look of Spock's eyes out of her head as he had laid into Kirk.

She managed to convince herself there and then that she really needed to see Spock. If he truly did blame her for his mother's death, she felt she needed to talk things through with him. She didn't want this to rip apart seventeen years' worth of friendship.

Kez finally found Spock and his father Sarek in the transporter room. Spock's head was down and his father was sat rigid next to him. Sarek had heard her approach and nodded when he had seen her, getting to his feet.

As he passed her in the doorway he laid a hand on her shoulder, "I never thanked you for what you did for my people and what you tried to do for my wife. Your bravery is admirable and, having had the privilege of knowing your birth father, I am sure he would be very proud of you and your selflessness, Kestrel."

She gave him a weak smile, "Thank you, Sir," and with that he left the room, the door hissing open and shut as he exited.

Kez dare not move closer to Spock who remained with his head down, then realised she was being silly, so moved next to him and sat down gently, trying not to make too much noise.

Then they sat there, the silence heavy between them but in a sense, Kez felt like she was finding peace.

Spock felt it too. His father's presence had annoyed him at first and ultimately, he had wished for him to leave however Kez was different. Spock believed that Kez was the only person who accepted him for the half human, half Vulcan he was, and that had made her one of the most cherished people in his life.

"Thank you." He finally said, unable to raise his head to look at his friend through fear that he would never be able to read the expressions that were undoubtedly playing across her face.

"For what?" She asked, her hand suddenly holding his and squeezing it tight.

"For things that I feel I cannot express through words," Spock replied, finally looking at her. He noted that she looked tired, the silver flecks in her brown eyes more like a dull grey and there were darkening circles under her eyes. Her cheeks even seemed more sunken, Spock noted her cheekbones seemed more prominent in her oval face.

"It's okay, Spock." She sighed, giving his hand a squeeze, "I'm just sorry I couldn't do more."

He squeezed her hand this time, and both knew that the other was forgive.

Kez pulled him into a hug, light and brief like she knew Spock liked when it came to physical contact. Then they sat again, in silence, staring at the transporter pad until Spock finally said, "You love him, don't you?"

Kez wasn't really sure how to dispute the matter, knowing she would look foolish trying to back out of the truth, "I think I do, yes." She looked at her hands, "Do you love Uhura?"

"I think that is how you would describe the emotions I feel," Spock replied.

Kez couldn't help but laugh, "Well let's hope we all get through the next twenty-four hours and maybe we can actually make these feelings known!"

Spock could only nod in agreement.