Lost Memories (Taehyung x Jennie) [Book 2]

◆ Thirty - Six ◆

(A/N:  Annyeong! While typing this chapter, I'm listening to Black Pink's cover of "LOSER" and it's...even more devastating.

So, may I advice, you should listen to the song while reading. Kamsa, yeorobun!)

- Jennie

I walked out of the door and made my way straight to leave the dorm.

Upon saying harsh words with him, after yelling at him, after ending everything...

I just killed myself even more, as I did.

I cried on my way back to the mansion.
I rushed on walking until I decided to run as my members are trying to chase me.

I hid on one of the parks, so, no one who could follow me.

"I want some time...alone."

After being sure that no one's gonna follow me from here, I started walking again back to the mansion. It is too far, but I don't bother calling a taxi.

I continued walking until I reached the gates of the mansion.

I stared at the tall fences...
I looked at the green tall trees...
I landed my eyes to the clean white mansion...

"I still don't want to go in...

I want to walk to somewhere...

Somewhere that no one's gonna hurt me."

Wearing a black simple coat for the cold weather. A pair of black boots and dirty white jeans...the color of my outfit matches everything inside of me.

I can feel the cold breeze drying my tears on my face. I can feel the wind blowing coldly and passing through my body.

I have stopped from crying yet...
There are some tears escaping as I will remeber what I have said earlier.

"Let's end this damn hell relationship."

I have ended everything.
It is clear and very evident.
I just declared that I don't love him now even though I want to feel his warm hug.

"Why have you cheated?
Why do you need to do that?
Why with her?"

Tears fell down on my cheeks slowly, but I immediately wiped it as I thought that I should stop.

Several steps that I have taken and I have reached...stall vendors on the street.

I passed all through them until I reached the lake sidewalk.

No one's walking here.
I'm all alone.
I walked to the bench and sat there as I reached.

I stared at the calm lake...
Blankly thinking of nothing but what happened earlier.

The sun gets down every minute but I don't bother walking back to the dorm nor to the mansion. I want to be missing right now. And I don't want anyone to find me.

"I loved you.
I gave everything for you.
I gave my love, my soul...myself.

I loved you with all of me, with all of my heart and with my everything.

Isn't that enough?
Am I not enough?

I feel neglected...
I feel rejected...
I feel like I'm worthless...
I'm devastated and you haven't thought about this feelings before doing it on that night.

I have forgiven you the time you did it first, but now? Now that we are official and clear for everyone, now that we are engaged? Why do you need to commit the same mistake as you did in the past?

Is this a game?
Are you playing with me?
Are we playing inside the circle of fire?

Is this a challenge?
A challenge for us?
For our relationship?
For our loyalness?

Well, I'll give up.

Haven't I done enough things?
Why do we need to have this?
Does being aparted on the past isn't enough? Haven't I shown enough love that you really need  to make out with her?

I thought...
I'll be your last.
I thought...
You're gonna be the first and last...

I have rejected many suitors for you...
And you're going to do this to me?

Don't I deserve to be treated like a queen? Or lesser, a princess?

Don't I deserve to have a loyal man?
Don't I deserve to have a normal lovelife?

Don't I deserve to be loved?"

"Honestly...

I don't want to end our relationship, but I can't ease the truth that you cheated on me.

Taehyung-a...

Tell me...

Am I not enough?
Am I worthless?"

"TELL ME!

AM I WORTHLESS!?
AM I NOT ENOUGH!?

WHY DO I NEED TO EXPERIENCE THINGS LIKE THIS!?

DON'T DO I DESERVE TO BE LOVED LOYALLY!?

DO I REALLY NEED TO BE CHEATED!?

I'M TIRED!

...I'm tired."

"I'M TIRED!"

I yelled.
I yelled in nowhere.
I yelled at the lake.
I yelled at the top of my lungs.

But the pain haven't lighten up.
The pain is still the same.

"Let's end this damn hell relationship."

"The words I have said earlier...
Half of me mean it, and the other half of me wants you to apologize more. That half wants you to comfort me and hug me.

I miss you...
I miss everything...

Everything in us.
Everything about us.

What am I suppose to do that you're not by my side?

What am I going to do now?

I still love you...
But my pride and dignity can't take to remember everything that you did.

I caught you cheating on me with my bare two eyes...

How am I suppose to accept your apology when everytime that I'm going to see you, I feel mad and eager to hurt you. Everytime I'm going to look at you, my mind will flash the scene the time you're cheating on me.

It hurts me so much.
My heart broke down into pieces.

My heart felt like it was burnt.
My feelings are shattered.

I hate it...
ButI love you."

"Taehyung...

I don't know anymore.

I don't know what I suppose to do with you...

I just want to kill myself...
After this feeling of neglection, devastation and the feeling of being cheated.

But remember one thing...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I love you."