Step Into the Sun

16

Three days.

It had been almost three whole days since Evan heard from Connor. He was beginning to give up hope that his friend was coming back.

There was still a fifty-fifty chance that he was dead. The other option was that he never wanted to see Evan again.

As he laid in bed, thinking about it, he heard his phone go off with a new notification.

He assumed it was Jared, sending him yet another game of Mini Golf on GamePigeon, but like every other time he'd gotten a notification in the past three days, his heart skipped a beat at the thought that it might be Connor.

[Unknown number]: hey

[Unknown number]: this is Eliot, from Thanks A Latte

Eliot: i think you should come down here

Evan: Is it Connor??

Eliot: looks like him. may be a zombie, though. hard to tell

Evan: ohmygod thank you so much

Evan: I'llberightthere

Hurrying to pull on and mostly tie his shoes, he got up and nearly ran all the way to the coffee shop.

He approached Eliot, who was waiting for him at the counter.

"He's over there," they told him quietly, pointing to the back corner where he usually sat. "He seems kinda out of it, though. Be careful."

"Thank you so much," Evan breathed, turning to see Connor for the first time in days. As he walked closer, he got a better view of Connor's state.

He had visible dark bags under his eyes and a dazed look in his eye as he stared out of the window, unblinking. His hair was more tangled and frizzy than usual and his jacket seemed to hang off of his shoulders, rather than forming to his figure like it usually did.

Connor didn't notice Evan was there until he sat down across from him.

"Connor," Evan spoke softly. "Thank God you're alright."

Connor looked down at his phone, which was lying on the table with his texting app open and a message typed out to Evan. He had been battling himself for the past ten minutes, trying to tap "Send", but then telling himself that Evan was better off without him anyway.

As he stared back at the boy he felt a wave of emotions crash over him, tears welling up in his eyes. He slid the phone over to Evan to read and hung his head in shame and embarrassment, waiting for a response.

Connor: i'm sorry if i worried you. i don't want to hurt you by leaving, but i'm afraid that i'll do more damage if i stay. god i just miss you, i don't know what to do anymore

"Connor... I'm so sorry," he said finally.

Then Connor was crying, resting his head in his folded arms on the table. He sobbed as Evan stood up and moved to rub his back in comfort, feeling tears in his own eyes.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered, bending down next to Connor as he rubbed his back. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Connor felt helpless. His mind was telling him to leave forever, but he couldn't convince himself to move out of Evan's grasp. All he could do was sob as Evan's hand ran slowly up and down his back.

Evan stood up after a few minutes and pulled Connor up, too. He grabbed Connor's bag and phone for him and wrapped an arm around his back to steady him.

On the way out, he waved to Eliot, who gave him a thumbs up and a smile in return.

Evan led Connor back to the dorm and laid him down in his bed, taking off his shoes for him.

"Go to sleep, it's okay," Evan told him softly, squatting down next to the bed to brush the hair out of Connor's face.

Connor held out his arms towards Evan, not giving himself the chance to think about it. Evan's cheeks went red as he kicked off his own shoes and laid down next to Connor, letting him wrap himself around him.

Pulling Evan as close as possible, Connor closed his eyes, which had become red from crying. He rested his face in the crook of Evan's neck, holding onto him tightly as if he was scared he would leave.

Because he was.

He was terrified of what would happen if Evan changed his mind. He would have nowhere safe to hide from James, nobody to text from hipster coffee shops, no one to call a true friend as he suffered through life in multiple ways.

But as he began to lose the battle against consciousness that he'd been fighting for the past three days, he felt safer lying next to Evan than he ever had. A lazy smile spread across his face as he realised again how much he liked Evan.

i'm still conflicted about ben leaving, i'm so happy and sad at the same time