reddie oneshots

suicide

warning: mentions of suicide and self harm (specifically cutting) but nothing too graphic

"To anyone reading this,
I'm sorry. I'm sure no one was actually upset but if they were, I'm sorry. To the Losers specifically:

Stan- you're my best friend. you always have been. you put up with my shit and you were the only one I truly told everything to. I know how hard fighting It was for you and I know how hard things get with your dad, but you were amazing at the bar mitzvah and if he can't see that, screw him. But don't actually screw him, that's your mom's job.

Bill- I know I always mock your stutter and I hope you know it's only a joke. With or without a stutter you're the bravest kid I know and your family is lucky to have you, I don't care if they can see it or not. And this might embarrass you, but go for it with Stan dude. We all know you like him. He's hella gay too by the way.

Bev- you're new to the group so I won't bore you with all the memory shit. You're a badass and I envy how brave you are for standing up to It and your dad and Henry Bowers. Also, I know you don't have glasses and I do but seriously, are you blind? Ben has a crush on you bigger than his stomach. No offense Haystack. Go for it, because Bill doesn't swing that way.

Ben- you're probably reading what I wrote to Bev and blushing right now so: stop that. And I know you're new to the group and the town but you're really cool- well not cool- but we all like you. Stick around this time okay?

Mike- I'm really glad you joined our group too, even though it sucks that Bowers brought us all together. I know you've got daddy issues, trust me we all do. But you don't have to be like anyone but yourself and if you don't want to do something, don't do it. No homo though, I'll save that for Eddie. Maybe try real school next year.

Eddie- god I don't know what to say. Eds I've loved you for so long and I tried to push it aside but I couldn't anymore ya know? I really love you. I guess it's not awkward now that I'm dead. You're an asthmatic weirdo and paranoid as hell and it's possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. I just couldn't live without being able to call you mine. But don't feel like this is your fault. It isn't. Don't forget to take your 'gazebos' Eds. Have a great life, move out of your mom's ass eventually would you?

And finally to my parents- fuck you. You're the reason your son is dead on the bathroom floor. Because you couldn't take a few fucking seconds to tell me you loved me, but you had all the time in the world to make me feel like shit. You two assholes deserve each other.

Bye everyone. There were a lot of you that made my life worth living but sometimes all the shit getting thrown my way overpowers that. I know you're probably all mad at me but I love you for being my friends and putting up with me. It means more than you could know. Stick together, all 6 of you losers need each other.
-Richie 'Trashmouth' Tozier"

(start the song here- optional)
And after signing it, Richie set down the pen and picked up the razor. He squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the stinging pain that he'd gotten so used to as he brought the razor up his forearms. Blood ran down to his fingers and he opened his eyes, his vision was blurry but Richie felt himself fall to the ground. The back of his head slammed into the edge of the bathtub and everything went black.

Eddie sat on his bed, attempting to focus on homework when the phone rang. Relieved to have an excuse, he got up and answered, but before he could say anything Stan's voice cut him off.

"Get to Richie's house now!" He was frantic and it was clear to Eddie that he was crying. Eddie hung up almost immediately and ran downstairs, past his mother. He ignored her calls for him to get back inside and peddled his bike as fast as he could to Richie's.

Before he turned into the street he heard the ambulance's sirens. Eddie peddled, ignoring the burning in his chest as he threw his bike down, running inside. The living room was vacant except for two police officers looking around. Eddie ran upstairs, his mind and heart were racing. Bill and Stan were both standing in front of the closed bathroom door, Bill holding the boy in his arms and trying to comfort him as he was crying too. Eddie didn't want to go in. He didn't want to see what was on the other side of that door. He wanted to go home and go to school tomorrow and see Richie like every other day. But he went in.

Richie was lying on the cold tile, blood on his wrists and the back of his head and staining the floor. His cheeks were stained by tears. Eddie dropped down next to him, tears filling his own eyes and he began to sob. He took the lifeless body of his best friend into his arms, Richie's blood staining his clothes. Eddie was unaware of anything else. Unaware of his sobs, unaware of himself screaming Richie's name, unaware of Bill and Stan, now joined by Bev, Ben and Mike, coming into the bathroom. The only thing he could comprehend was that Richie was dead. Eddie was up almost as quick as he had kneeled down, turning and numbly walking past his friends. He held the note that had been lying next to Richie in his hand. Eddie read over the note multiple times, crying harder every time he read his own name. He couldn't feel anything except for the pain forcing sobs to shake his body. Eddie stopped and found himself in front of Richie's parents. And he let his emotions take over.

"You killed him! He's on that bathroom floor dead! Because you didn't love him! What the fuck is wrong with you?! YOU'RE SHIT!" Eddie sobbed and shoved past them. He ran to the door, not wanting pity from anyone. Hating himself for being the reason his best friend killed himself. Devastated that he never got to tell Richie he loved him.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU!" He screamed to Richie's parents, slamming the door as his tears took over his vision and he ran. Leaving his bike, his friends, his happiness and Richie behind, he ran.

so this was for ba2206 im sorry it's so sad