I am the storm

Chapter 28 | The woman I never knew

My father lowered his head and replied solemnly "oh I knew you'd want to talk about it" my father spoke out loud to himself, as though he didn't know I wasn't in the room with him as well.

"It's just because I don't remember what happened with her" I responded confusion clear in my voice.

"Are you sure?" My father asked resting his hands on my shoulders reassuringly.

I waited steading my breath and looking my father directly in the eyes, behind his eyes I could see the fear that brought tears to his eyes and flowed down his cheeks. "Yes" I finally responded plainly.

"Come with me..please" my father requested as he led me to the sofa, he stood in front of me while I sat down on the sofa in front of him.

"So what happened?" I asked wanting to get some real information out of my father.

"Well it was around the time you were just two or three" my father replied his words slightly shaky. He continued anyway "well your mother came to me and said 'I need to leave so please can you tell Alexis I love her, she's asleep right now' and I tried asking her where she was going and when she would be back but she just kissed and left without another word" my father stopped speaking as tears flowed from his eyes whenever he looked up at me.

"It's okay" I tried to console him but I couldn't as in my head images of a woman turned away from me flashed in my mind. The woman had mousey brown hair, like mine but her face was foreign to me.

"About a month later full of the police looking for your mother they found her shoes and a note," His voice trailed off and no words came out of his mouth.

"So did sh- sh-" I tried to say but now tears fell from my eyes as my after wrapped his arms around me.

"The police think she killed herself by wading into the sea and drowning" my father explained.

"Wh- wh- wh- why would she do that?" I asked my voice croaky and mostly full of pain, because of my mother's betrayal and leaving me as a child.

"I don't know honey, I really wish I did" my father responded his voice full of solemn emotion.

"Why didn't you ever cry about her?" I asked my father wondering why, I would never find him crying or drinking or ever self medicating.

"Because I had you Alexis I had to be strong for you!" My father responded as he pulled me closer giving me a huge hug.

"Th- thank you" I stuttered out as I hugged my father back.

"She left something...I think" my father said as he released me from the hug and walked out the room and upstairs.

I led down sideways on the sofa and lost myself in deep thought and sadness brought on by the truth revealed by my father about my mother. My mother the woman who faintly shone in my memory, she was also the woman who abandoned me when I was just a toddler. I wondered how I could feel sorrow for a woman like that? But deep inside my heart felt like it was rotting and decaying with nothing I could do to stop it.

Suddenly, my father slowly walked back into the room with what seemed like a piece of paper with illegible writing on it from where I was led.

"I found it" my father stated as he walked up to me. He handed me the piece of paper so I could have a closer look.

The paper was written in a handwriting completely foreign to me. Written on the paper was:
'To my darling daughter Alexis,
I hope one day you will read this letter and understand why I did what I did, I do this so to protect both you and your father who I love so dear. Even though I love our town, I must leave it as I fear that the dam holding back my secrets. Remember I love you Alexis.'

Tears flowed from my eyes uncontrollably so fast I could barely see my vision grew blurry.

My father pulled me close as I sobbed hard into his shoulder as his arms wrapped around me comfortingly. "Don't blame her for what your mother did" my father spoke slowly and calmly.

"How" I snapped. "She left me when I was just a child!" I screamed while tears flowed. "I was a child and she left me a little girl left by her mother!" I shouted again my voice cracking and tears falling.

"ALEXIS SHE NEVER LEFT YOU ALONE!" My father shouted at me like I was a child stunning me into silence and ceasing my flow of tears completely. "She left you with me, she would never leave you alone and neither will I!" My father retorted loudly as his grip on me tightened.

"How do you cope? How do you live each day knowing mom will never come back?" I asked wanting to know how my father had coped without ever asking for advice.

"I don't know. At first I lived for you like I said, then I had to accept that she just wasn't happy and I would have to just live my life" my father explained solemnly.

"S- s- sorry" I spoke quietly feeling insignificant in the shadow of my father.

"Don't apologise!" My father responded harshly. "You just need to accept that mom is gone and is never coming back" my father responded as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "I had too" he continued in a quieter voice.

"H- how?" I asked as I pushed tears back in my eyes.

"There is no real way to do it and I know this may seem harsh but..." My father sucked in a huge breath. "We need to look ahead and not behind us, or we will end up losing ourselves in the past. And as everyone knows the past can't be changed but we can shape our future," my father continued his voice full I revitalised strength he had not previously shown.

"I- I- I think that I'm going to go upstairs" I finally said as I broke away from my father and walked out the room.

I ventured upstairs and into my bedroom. Usually, around this time I would get dressed into my pyjamas but tonight I gathered: my pocket knife, my taser, my mobile phone, the PTD, the memory box that Philip gave me and the letter my mother left for me. I placed all these items into a small black messenger bag.

I walked over to my closet and choose an outfit which consisted of: a pair of blue jeans, a red an black checkered design long sleeve shirt, a pair of black ankle boots and a brown belt.

I slung the messenger bag around my shoulder and walked over to the window. Slowly, I climbed out the window and onto the low roof to the outside, then I jumped from the roof about two metres to the ground below.

After walking down the drive and away from my house, my feet started to walk, I had no idea where my feet were taking me but I knew it felt like some other external forces was guiding me to an undetermined destination.

I wandered down street after street each mixing into a confused mess of streets until I eventually reached a new destination.

The smell in the air was stagnant emanating from the large body of water to inside of me while on the other side was a flow of water that occasionally ran through the wall that separated these parts of water. What was most suspicious was that the flow should be constant so the large body of water would not overflow but the flow would occasionally stop and start.

Suddenly, the PTD from within my bag beeped loudly, so I turned on the spot retrieving my taser and my pocket knife. As I turned I saw...

Nothing.

No one was around me I was alone stood on top of the dam in Pine Wood Valley.

After what seemed like an age of waiting I returned my weapons to my messenger bag and headed home unsure why my feet had taken me to the dam or why the PTD had beeped. I had been left with more questions than answers.