My Weekly Life (Complete)

HESITATION

Today's topic is about something that I experienced a lot which makes hate myself sometimes and my brain, too. Since I'm an over-thinker, I had a history full of "Hesitation" that I'm pretty mad at it, but without it I wouldn't have this version of myself that I'm having now. I still need lots of fixes and mends, but I'm proud of how I'm becoming.

I remember my mother saying that my hesitation will kill me one day, or some other version of this. I agree with her. Hesitation can't only kill/destroy you and your life but also hesitation bothers people around you. I mean: 'imagine being hesitant whether to go out with your friends or not; it'll be okay if you hesitated once or twice, but every single time, then there's a problem'. I used to hesitate a lot when I was young, but the reason for my hesitation is what bothers me the most. I used to hesitate whether to do something or act in a certain way, worrying that people would think 'I'm awkward', or they will leave me alone, most importantly, lonely. To be honest, when I was young, I hated being alone and lonely , but eventually changed as I grow up, yet for a 9 year-old girl that wasn't pleasant at all. Finally, I tried, so hard, to quite such a feeling that caused me nothing, but no good.

Unfortunately, I experienced this feeling again two days ago, and I felt like sh*t. I hated myself so much that I can't describe it even, but I'm a bit over it now. What I learned from this short experience is that you can't totally forget a feeling, or erase it from your life as easy as anyone can tell you to do so. But you can learn to overcome this feeling, and get back on your track towards a better, happier and healthier life.