Falling Apart~ Chanbaek Fanfiction

Chapter 28: I Want It To End

TRIGGER WARNING

Chanyeol's POV

I just stare at the boy in front of me. "What?" I ask, still not believing that I heard the correct words come out of Baekhyun's mouth. "We need a break Chanyeol." He says. "H-How can you say that?" I ask feeling my heart break.

"I can't explain it right now Chanyeol." Baek says. I bite my lip as I feel tears come to my eyes. "Baekkie please?" I plead. Baekhyun shakes his head and stands up. "I'm sorry. We need a break." He says turning his back on me and heading up the stairs. I walk to the base of the stairs and watch him walk up. "Can you tell me why?" I ask. Baekhyun stops. "Why what?" He says over his shoulder.

"Why are you giving up? On us? On me? Just why?" I ask sadly as tears fall down my face. Baekhyun turns around and looks at me. "Do you really want to know why?" He asks. I nod and take a step up the stairs. "Chanyeol I question myself. Every. Single. Day. On why someone like you would want to date someone like me." He says. I frown. "What?" Don't do this Baekkie. Please don't.

Baekhyun nods. "Compared to you, I'm nothing. I'm a worthless piece of shit." No. "No Baekhyun." I start but he holds up his hand to stop me. "It's true Chanyeol and you can't deny that." Yes I can. "I'm not worth waiting around for." Yes you are! "I'm a piece of shit Chanyeol." NO YOU'RE NOT!

"Why do you think these things Baekhyun? You know they aren't true." I call out. Baekhyun bites his lip and sits down on the stairs, looking down at me. "Chanyeol. I-" He begins but stops as he covers his face and tears begin to slide down his face once again.

He just shakes his head and runs up the stairs. I try to chase him but he locks his room, keeping me out. "I'm NOT giving up on you Baek. I refuse to." I say before making my way downstairs and out the door, leaving him alone.

Baekhyun's POV

"I refuse to." I cover my mouth as Chanyeol's footsteps head downstairs and I can hear the front door close. "AGHHHHHHH!!!!" I scream out. I scramble to my feet and start throwing whatever I can around my room. I rush over to my desk and I push everything off of it onto the floor. I tightly grip my hair and scream again.

"WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID BAEKHYUN!!!" I scream. I back myself into a corner and stare at my trashed room. Picture frames were shattered on the ground. Books were every where and my bed comforter was on the opposite side of my room from my bed.

There was a sharp pain in my foot so I look down to see that I had stepped on a piece of glass. I collapse down again as more tears begin. I look at my foot again and pull out the piece of glass that had been lodged in my foot.

I toss it onto the floor and sigh. Moving onto my hands and knees, I feel my stomach tighten again. I dry heave a couple of times, so quickly I shove two fingers down my throat and I feel my stomach push whatever was in it up. I throw up and it ends up on my carpet.

I stand up and trudge over to the bathroom. Stupid fatass just kill yourself. I stare into the mirror at my reflection. Red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Chanyeol doesn't love you. It's pity. He never has and never will. He'll move on and date someone better than you. Maybe he'll go back and date Jungkook again or maybe this time Suga. Someone who isn't a failure.

Someone who isn't a disgrace to mankind. A person who is good looking and doesn't fuck up his life. Someone who is not you. My thoughts rang out in my head as blood starts dripping down my left arm. I gaze down at the silver blade that was in my hand. Once clean was now covered in blood. My blood. I couldn't stop. I wince as I cut my wrist a little too deep but the pain turned to pleasure.

"I deserve this. No one cares about you." I say quietly to myself as I mess my arm up even more. I look up at the mirror again. "Stupid fatass. Everyone will just move on." I say quietly. I blink my eyes as my vision starts to blur. Shaking my head, I look down at the mess on my arm. "This will look so pretty when I'm done." I say. I switch the blade to the other hand and I bite my lip as I start carving a word into my right arm.

"Worthless."

"Desperate."

"Sick asshole."

"Burden to everyone."

I repeat the words over and over to myself. Words my bullies have told me and that I believe about myself. My arm goes limp and the blade falls onto the floor. I sit down on the edge of the bathtub. Sighing, I hold my head in my hands. My arms begin shaking so I hug my arms against my body. I stand up again, even though that it probably wasn't a smart idea.

I slowly go downstairs and head into the kitchen. I grab a glass of water and set it on the counter. I limp my way over to the medicine cabinet. I grab a bottle of pills and go back to the water that I had set down. I take the water and the pills and head upstairs.

I sit down on my bed and gulp down the water and the pills before tossing them both to the floor, making the glass shatter as well. I curl up into a ball on the bed and sigh.

"I just want this to end."