Kiss and Run

Chapter XXX

EIVEREN

I walk past at the feline, sitting on my bed and stare at the window. "Not now, Yuka," I mumbled grumpily when he meowed at me. I am being moody for no apparent reasons, like it actually became my habit. God, there was one day I almost ditch all of my meetings just to stare at the nothingness, which...is not a good sign.

Half of me is missing.

Half of me is not the usual me.

Half of me fucked up again.

"What?" I snapped at him. Kanina pa niya 'ko sinundan ng tingin. I hate every inch of his scrutinizing stare—he is judging me. The beast. How can he even do that? "Get off my bed, will you?" Lumapit ako sa kanya at marahas siyang hinagis papunta sa isang sofa.

Natalia's gonna kill me.

"Great," naiinis kong sambit. "Great," ulit ko pa. "I am trying not to think about her and you—" I point menacingly at him "—you felines," I sulked, "this is all your fault." I probably gone mad for blaming him and his entire race but I can't help it.

It all started with a goddamn stray cat, anyway.

I saw her instantly even before I enter Efflorescence. She's happily running around their shop, her small innocent face is full of determination. She was a complete stranger to me until she accidentally bumps to me and lost her balance. I was there, of course, to catch her. To my annoyance, she keeps yelling Fluffy!—instead of thanking me—Mimicking her sound, blaming me for the cat's escaped while I'm just there—transfix by her eyes, her hair and her lips. I stared at her for the longest seconds...and suddenly thought about rainbows and pink clouds.

At that moment, I hate how my mind works. I hate how fast she made my heart beats. I hate how my body reacts on her. I am always telling her to breathe when in fact I am the one who is always breathless around her. Never in my life I had experience this, never thought that she will came into my fvcked up life. She is too good for me that I instantly knew...I don't deserve her.

But I want Natalia. All of her.

Kahit sandali lang. Kahit nakaw lang.

It wasn't supposed to be this complicated so damn felines and their adorable meows, it is all their fault. Now looking at this beast is a mockery to me. I want to sack him and throw him to the river with hungry crocodiles silently lurking around just—for the love of God—to make him stop gawking at me.

Natalia's really going to kill me.

"Enough," awat ko sa kanya. Why can't he refrain staring at me? "I feed you already," ngunit patuloy pa rin siya. "Yuka, I swear," but damn, I think he just smirks at me.

Right. How can a goddamn feline smirk?

I am losing patience. "Go away." Mabilis akong lumapit sa kanya. Sa sobrang bilis ay bigla akong natalisod, napamura't napatingin sa sanhi ng pagkawala ng balanse ko. "You have got to be kidding me," hindi makapaniwala kong sambit. Hinilamos ko ang aking mukha, bago unti-unting tumingin sa kanya. "What do you want me to do?" Sinipa ko ang tsinelas na binili ko para kay Natalia sa ilalim ng kama—ang sanhi ng pagtalisod ko. "You heard it, sneaky, little creature." Umupo ako sa lapag, at sinandal ang aking likod sa kama. "You heard it. And they're right. I need to stop this. I need to stop seeing her. Which I should've done on the very first place." I clench my fist as I remember the sadness from her eyes, the way her tears silently cascading down her cheeks.

I did that.

God, it was never my intention to hurt her. I just want...to be with her.

Now, I'm losing her. Or perhaps I already lose her. Maybe that's the end of my selfishness. Maybe it is the end of our stolen nights, stolen kisses and stolen everything.