Heartthrobs and Secret Admirers (A Lippa FanFiction)

Chapter Twenty-Five: Forgiveness

Pippa's POV:

After a few hours of watching Lin's breathing I notice the color returning to his lifeless body. It's late but I can't get myself to leave and go home. There is nothing for me there. No Lynnette, and no Lin.

My phone is dead and I haven't been able to find a charger. Renee said she would bring me one when she comes back tomorrow morning.

I start to drift off to sleep when the loud ringing of the hospital phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Pippa it's Renee. I just wanted to let you know that Sebastian is at my house."

"Oh shit! I never picked him up from daycare. How did he get there?"

"I guess when the daycare called you and Lin no one answered. So they called Lin's dad and he picked Sebby up. He started asking around where Lin was and when I told him he wasn't in a place to be taking care of a child so I said I'd take Sebastian for the night. Lin's dad is going to come with me tomorrow morning is that all right?"

"Yeah. Thank you so much Renee."

"Alright more get some sleep it's late."

"I'll try. Love ya!"

I curl up into a ball on the stiff hospital chairs and let myself drift off to sleep.

Lin walks into the living room with chocolate and a movie. "What movie did you find?" He smiles and puts in the movie. "One of your favorites." He gives me a soft kiss before sitting behind me and wrapping his arms around my pregnant belly.

The title screen appears on the screen, Amelié. "I know you are bummed about not getting to play the role but I think what we have to look forward to will be worth it." He rubs my stomach that is quite large now. I just went into my third trimester and I couldn't be more excited for the future. I got the man I love by my side and a baby on the way. Nothing could be more prefect.

There is knocking at the door. I wake up and find myself back in depressing hospital room. It was just a dream. As I wipe the tears from my eyes Renee enters the room. "I brought you a charger- everything is going to be okay. Last night the doctors were saying that he is doing better and will probably recover."

"It's not just that. I had a dream. Lin and I were together, not just sleeping together actually together, and I was pregnant and we were going through it together. We were going to be a happy normal family. I- I wasn't going through everything alone."

Renee gives me a tight hug which triggers the tears to come back. "You know you didn't have to go through everything in your own you could have come to me. Now go get yourself cleaned up while I go get Lin's parents they are waiting in the lobby. I told him it would be best if I to check on you first."

I go to the bathroom to freshen up. I haven't looked at myself in the mirror since Rachel took Lynnette. Saying I look like a mess would be a complement. The bags under my eyes are huge, my eyes are blood shot, my hair is oily from not washing it and so is my face, it's also patchy and red from all the crying I have been doing.

I rise my face with cold water before returning to the main room. Luis is the room hunched over Lin, crying. Luz is in the chair by the bed sobbing to herself.

"Phillipa!" Luz yells when she notices me, "How are you holding up dear?"

I just shrug not knowing how to reply. I'm not sure of how much she knows about the relationship between Lin and I. Although I wouldn't be surprised if she knew everything, because I know Lin tells Luis everything.

"I just wish I could do a lot of things different. He deserves better than how I have been towards him this past year. I just hope I have the chance to make it up to him, I don't think I could forgive myself if I don't get the chance."

Luz pulls me into a tight hug causing me to lose control of the tears I finally managed to control. "Everything is going to be okay." I could hear her holding back tears as she attempts to sooth me.

Now I see where Lin gets it. No matter what he was going through or feeling he put that aside to comfort me, just like his mother. Instead of focusing only on Lin she is comforting me. It amazes me how selfless the Mirandas really are.

After a couple tearful hours Lin starts opening his eyes. "Aye! Lin-Manuel you're awake!" Luz and Luis run to the side of his bed, I sit back in my chair letting them be the first to greet him back.

I can't help but feel this is all my fault, if I never took advantage of Lin the night Vanessa died we never would have fallen into the weird relationship of friends with benefits. If I never lead him on he wouldn't have been so hurt. I would have never gotten pregnant and he wouldn't have moved away for half a year. If I never started a romantic relationship with Lin we would both me fine. We wouldn't be heartbroken all the time. Lin never would have been driven to suicide. But if none of that happened then I wouldn't have Lynnette. Or have had Lynnette.

I try to hold in my thoughts but they just keep building on top of eachother. I get up to leave but as I go to open the door Lin notices me. "Can you guys give me a minute to talk to Pippa?"

"No it's fine I- I have-"

"Pippa, please." I turn around to face the man I love. I hate seeing him like this, he his still quite pale and the circles under his eyes seem darker and deeper than normal. His eyes look pleading at me. How can I say no to those eyes.

As I take a few steps towards the medical bed Luz and Luis leave the room. I take one Lin's hands in mine, it's cooler than normal. "I'm sorry." He squeezes my hand slightly before responding.

"No Pip, I'm sorry. I should have come to you instead of going off alone. I didn't plan on slitting my wrist, it just kinda happened. I get it if your mad. If Renee hadn't  found me no one probably would have. No one would even know I died."

"How could I be mad at you? After everything I've done to you this past year I wouldn't be surprised if you hated me." Lin gives me a confused look.

"I could never hate you Pip. No one could ever hate you! Wait, you remember? I was hoping you would only remember the good."

"Yeah I remember, and I know you are Netty's father. I was hoping she was yours the whole time." The smile of the news quickly fades from Lin's face. "It was selfish of me to even consider leaving you alone to fine Netty. I'm so sorry Pip. I promise I'll never leave you again."

A/N
I can't sleep!!! So here is an update. Who's excited for this hamildrop every month thing? I know I am!
See you in the next chapter!
~K