Heartthrobs and Secret Admirers (A Lippa FanFiction)

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Mommy?

Pippa hates me. It's official. It's been a month since the whole periscope thing and we haven't talked since she called to yell at me. I've tried calling, texting, emailing, dming, I've tied everything but she still hasn't called me back. I've thought about flying out to London but I have no clue where she is staying.

Every day for the past month I have called twice a day. Once in the morning and another call in the afternoon. Even though I have never gotten an answer I call anyways.

She picks up. She doesn't say anything but she picked up. That's all that matters.

"Hey Pip. Thank you for answering my call. I really miss you." I can hear her starting to sob on the other line. "Are you alright? You can talk to me about anything, but if you don't want to I understand."

"I- I really need to tell you something. Can you let me in the building?"

"You're here? Why didn't you call? I could have picked you up from the airport." Again she doesn't say anything, just more crying.

I run down to the first floor of the apartment building as fast as I possibly can. When I get to the front door I see Pippa with a hood covering her face. She has still been getting the occasional hate comment on twitter. When I see them I tell them to back off.

I open the door and she gives me a tight squeeze. She is clearly going through a lot right now. I saw that she was auditioning for shows on west end but didn't get anything.

When we finally break apart we walk up to the apartment in silence. We sit down on the couch and start asking Pippa about London but she shuts me down.

Something is obviously bothering her. She keeps playing with her fingers, something she only does when she is nervous and refuses to make eye contact with me.

We are seated at different ends of the couch. It's strange not being close by Pippa while we are in the same room. Everything has changed. I don't want anything to change. I want it to go back to how things were.

"Pip, is everything okay? You are worrying me." finally she makes eye contact with me.

"I'm pregnant. It's yours." Tears start streaming down her face. You can tell she is scared.

In an attempt to comfort her I pull her into a tight embrace and whisper into her ear. After a few minutes, it sinks in. What are we going to do? Different scenes of a possible future race through my head.

One is of us getting back together and raising a big family. Another is of Pippa and us being separated but still raising our kids together. Another is of Pippa in London and me in New York living separate lives as Sebastian never sees his siblings.

Pippa snaps me out of this trace with a single sentence.

"I don't know if I want this baby?"

Tears flood my eyes as I am brought back to reality. That was never in my mind as an option.

"You mean you want to give up the baby?"

"No. I don't know if I want to have the baby. I know it sounds terrible and I love Netty. I just don't think I can do this again right now. Having her was really hard and scary, I went through so much alone."

"I will be there every step of the way. You won't be alone."

"I know you would be. I haven't made any final decision but I don't think I'm ready to have another baby."

"I don't want to make you do anything that you don't want to do. I'll be here for whatever you need me for, no matter what you choose. Thank you for coming to me."

We sit hugging each other tightly until Sebby wakes up and strokes into the room. "Mommy! you're back!" He ran as fast as he could to were Pippa and I were seated. He joins our group hug but let's go once he notices Pippa was crying.

"What's wrong mommy?" Pippa just starts crying more, at first I don't get why. I notice these tears aren't sad they are happy. "I'm sorry mommy, what did I do? I didn't try to make you sad." He squeezes Pippa as she explains why she is crying now.

"I'm not sad Seb, I'm happy. You called me mommy, not mommy Pippa." He just looks at her confused. HIs little child mind can't see why that is such a big deal.

"That's because you are my mommy and Netty's mommy. You take care of me, you watch me you play with me and you love me. All things that mommies do. I have two mommies, just like Kyler does. but he calls one mommy and the other one mama." He rambles on about Kyler's two moms for a while before Pippa shuts him up with a bear hug.

After the emotional reunion with Sebby, Pippa gets up and walk to Netty's room. I follow behind her and see her eyes tear up when she sees our sleeping daughter. She turns to face me. "She has gotten so big! And I missed watching it." She breaks down more.

I catch her as she nearly collapses on the floor. "I'm a terrible mother! I shouldn't have this baby!" This is what she keeps screaming over and over. I try to conform her but she pushes me off of her when I start stroking her hair.

"Leave me alone! I don't deserve you, or Netty, or Sebby. I'm a terrible mom. I left my daughter here. My infant. I had no intention of even coming back this soon, or at all." the last part nearly rips my heart out of my chest.

"You- you weren't going to come back? Just leave us like that?" I want to comfort Pippa but a ball of anger is starting to grow and I don't want to release on Pippa. I get up, pick up our crying child hand her to Pip and leave the room. Pippa says something as I do this but I'm to upset to catch what it was.

When I enter the living room I see Sebastian crying on the couch. He must of hear me and Pip in the other room. I do my best to comfort from him but I'm no use. He kicks me as I try to pull him into a tight hug.

I manage to pull my kicking child into my chest and calm him down enough to tell me what is wrong. "Don't fight with mommy! You are going to make her leave again! I don't want mommy to leave."

Then it clicks. Why Sebastian has been so upset with me for the past month. He thinks I made Pippa leave. He doesn't know I did everything I could to try to make her stay. That I called everyday hoping she would answer and tell me she was coming home.

It's going to be hard transitioning back to being a family again. There is so much we have to work out. I'm just hoping that we can address all this issues as a family, together.

A/N
Huge time gap ik. Sorry. I was to lazy to write leading up to this so I just skipped bc I can. Sorry I made this depressing again. Guess I'm just in that kinda mood lately.

Side note: Philip tour just had its opening night in Seattle and I see them in 21 days!!