Heartthrobs and Secret Admirers (A Lippa FanFiction)

Chapter Thirty-Two: Lost

After I put Lynnette down to sleep and Pippa starts putting Sebastian to sleep I decide to try to cook Pippa a little late night celebration dinner.

I run out to the nearest market, I grab some asparagus salmon and a couple lemons. After paying I run home as fast as I can hoping Sebby didn't fall asleep yet.

I peak in Sebastian's room and see Pip still reading to him. I season the salmon and asparagus before throwing it in the oven right as Pippa came into the kitchen.

"What are you doing in here?" As she takes a step closer I gently guide her away from the kitchen and suggest she gets ready for bed because it's been a long day of readjusting. She smiles at me before giving me a kiss on the cheek and walking off.

I set the table with candles and some flowers before taking a step back to look at my work. I move a few things around to make sure everything is perfect. I take a step back again to examine my changes. Its perfect.

I go to the bedroom to get Pippa, out of the corner of my eye I see Pippa putting clothes in a bag in the guest room. I knock on the door before fully entering the room.

"Hey Pip, what's going on?" She looks at me nervously before saying anything.

"I- I've been doing some thinking." Those are never good words to hear from someone you love. I feel the tears starting to fill my eyes as I look at the suitcase full of clothes on the bed.

"Are you leaving?"

"I'm sorry Lin. Everything has happened so fast this year. I'm just starting my career and all of this happened. I need a break. I'm so sorry Lin, I love you I- I just need some time to myself." Pippa continues filling the suitcase full of clothes.

"What about the kids?" She stops packing and glares at me.

"Please don't bring them into this. It was already hard enough to make this decision. I need to do this for me. You should understand! You went off to Europe." She zips up the suitcase and starts heading for the door. She stops when she sees the set table.

Pippa turns around to face me with tears streaming down her face. "What is this for?"

"I wanted to celebrate our family coming together. But I guess it turned into a good bye dinner." She shakes her head no and reaches for her suitcase. I grab her hand and use it to pull her closer to me. "Aleast stay for this."

"Okay but I should leave after. My flight is at seven tomorrow morning, I was going to stay at Jasmine and Anthony's."

"Wait you're leaving tomorrow? Wh- where are you going."

"I'm going back to Chicago."

"When are you coming back?"

"I'll be back in a few days to get Netty. I thought you could use the next couple days to say good bye while I set up a nursery at my parents."

I can't even make my mouth say words. How can she just take our daughter away and except me to be okay with it. She just said not to bring the kids into it and now she is taking one of them away with her.

"Lin? I'll bring her up to New York to visit you. It's not like I'm moving away forever I just need to clear my head for a while. Look we can discuss details later lets enjoy your dinner."

I take the seat across from her but I'm still unable to speak. I stare at the candles scattered around the table. Pippa changes the subject by I can't hear her talk. Her saying 'I'll be back in a few days to get Netty. I thought you could use the next couple days to say good bye' is in repeat louder than anything else around me.

"Lin!" Pippa brings me out of my trance with the candles by taking my hand in hers. "Can we please try to enjoy our last night together?"

"Yeah just one second." I get up, make my way to the kitchen and take a shot of the first bottle of alcohol I grab. I start making my way back to Pippa when I realize I should take a second shot.

As the meal continues I feel myself getting a little buzzed, not enough to take away the pain but it's helping.

"So when are you planning to come back, like to stay in here." The air fills with awkward silence when Pip doesn't answer my question. "Are you ever coming back?"

"Look, I'll be visiting all the time so you can see Lynnette. It won't even be like I'm gone gone." I don't understand why she is so calm about it. It's like she doesn't get what the biggest question on my mind is.

"What about us?" The fake smile she was wearing fades, tears start to build up in her eyes. Finally her true emotions are coming through. "Don't you want to be with me? Be together here? Raise a family?"

This sets off her tears, she tries to answer but her tears stop her. She gets up, reaches for her bag and heads towards the door. I shouldn't have pushed her so hard. I was granted one last meal with her and I blew it.

"Pip wait, please. For me. I'm sorry. Let us have this night to say good bye. I'll take you to the airport in the morning. Please stay." She shuts the door then slowly turns around to face me. There are no new tears falling down her face but the old ones stain her face.

I probably shouldn't do this but I walk up to Pippa and give her a passionate kiss. One that conveys all my emotions into one singular action. When we pull apart I can see that Pippa's tears returned.

"I love you" she whispered which broke my hear more than it already was. I just don't understand why she has to leave. We both lobe eachother, we both love the kids. I get that she needs a break and to discover her self again, but she can do that without breaking us apart.

"I love you too." I feel my tears returning as my lips meet Pippas again. The kiss grows more and more intense as we make our way to the bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning sun from the window hits my face causing me to wake up. I reach out to pull Pippa closer to me, it is our last morning together. When I reach out no one is there. I look at the clock on the night stand 8:24. She is probably already in Chicago. I frantically get out of bed looking for my phone. It's not anywhere.

In the search for my phone I find a note on the kitchen counter.

Dear Lin,
I'm sorry for leaving you like this, I couldn't deal with the emotions of leaving you and seeing your beautiful eyes wanting me to stay. I love you, I always will. I just need time to figure out who I am. This past year has changed me so much as a person, I've been having a hard time dealing with it. Being around you made it hard to bloom into a new person because there was always something in the way. I brought Lynnette with me to Chicago, I'm sorry I didn't give you a warning, I couldn't deal with the thought of coming back to New York and leaving you again. We can work out a plan for the future on how to share time with Lynnette but I think it's best for her to stay with me until she is a little older. I'm truly sorry for springing this on you but I know I never would have left if we talked it out. Maybe in another life we would have worked out.
Love, your Pip

I feel my heart drop down to my toes. She is really gone. I reread the letter a million times looking for a legitimate reason for us not to be together. Sure she wants to grow as a person, but she could have done that here, with me. I run to the kids room to check with my own eyes that my daughter is gone too.

Just when I got her back she is ripped out of my life again. We just found her but I am lost. What am I supposed to do, pretend that the last year and a half never happened. Act like none of this ever mattered. Of course it all mattered, I gained a whole new family. A whole new view of begging there for my family. I can't just let Pippa take it all away.

Without her or Lynnette I am lost.

A/N
Don't be mad at me! I'm sorry, but not sorry. You guys should just be happy that they find Lynnette because I was going to kill her off originally.
~K