The Hate and Love Game

Game #152

GABREILLA POV

I sat on the bench watching all four of my kids run around the playground and enjoy themselves. It was nice out and it felt good to get out ... but I couldn't seem to enjoy the day without feeling guilt inside. And I don't really know why I was feeling this away. I sin a lot and I do feel guilty under God's eyes. But the guilt I was feeling was completely different, and I feel guilty beneath someone else's eyes. And as I watched them play, I tried real hard to find out why I felt so bad and depressed. I just couldn't. Anyway, it's been a month ever since I got into that intense fight between me and Davanna. And she is still in custody. But only for another month or so. And honestly, that's exactly when I started feeling guilty. The night of in that case! "Let's go, guys!" I yelled standing up. "Can we get some ice cream?" Chris asked me as all four ran up without hesitation. "It's almost time for dinner." I said picking up Crystal. "Please mama?" Christina begged. I sighed. "Okay. But that's your dessert, do you understand?" They all smiled and nodded as we headed to the car. I made sure they were all buckled, and we headed out to the ice cream shop. I bought them all ice cream, even myself, and it came out to $17.56 but I guess it was worth it. Hopefully it'll boost my spirit a little. I drove home and Chresanto wasn't home, I don't feel like he would help me feel any better anyway. We all went inside and I made sure all of my kids had baths and showers before even sitting down on the couches and touching even the door knobs! Once everyone was cleaned up and had pajamas on, dinner was made and we ate as a family minus Chresanto. Around the time the kids went to bed, my husband finally came home. I half smiled as he walked into our bedroom. "Hey Beautiful." He said walking up to me and kissing me on the lips. But when he pulled away he looked at me confusingly. "Uh, what's wrong?" He asked sitting beside me. "What do you mean?" I asked. "The kiss. It, it felt different. Should I be worried or..." I sighed in frustration. "I think so, Chresanto. I really do. And you being my husband, I thought you'd notice there was something bothering me a long time ago." His eyes widened. "Me being your husband? Gabriella, how do you expect me to notice things when you don't talk to me? That's what husbands do for their wives. I'm not just here for our kids or for sex you know? I'm here for you because I love you. With all my heart. So how dare you confront me about shit I already knew about?!" I chuckled. "You already knew?" I asked in shock. He smacked his teeth. "Yes! But I was waiting for you to take initiative and come to me." My eyes started watering. "Well I've been waiting for you to take initiative and ask me." He threw his arms up. "Whatever Gabriella! What's wrong? Why have you been so stressed and depressed lately?" I rolled me eyes. "You think I'm gon answer that fake ass question? Asking me shit just for a damn answer." He laughed. "That's kind of the point." I shook my head. "You think this is a joke or something?" "No one ever said that, baby. I just want to know what's wrong so we can get through this together. And I can't help you if you don't tell me something." I thought for a moment. Maybe that'll help a bit. Other than loosing this fight. "I think we need to go to marriage counseling. Or maybe I'm the one who needs the counseling. I just don't know." I sighed and plopped down on the ground covering my face up with my hands. "What?" He asked sitting down beside me. "You think there's something wrong between us?" He asked sounding sad and confused at the same time. I looked at him. "I don't know, baby. And I can't go on with just that answer every time I think about it. And it's not stress and hardly any depression. It's guilt. I feel guilty every time I wake up." He stared me for a moment. "Why?" He asked. "Is it me?" I smiled. "No it's not you. If anything it's me. That's why I'm wondering if I need counseling myself. By myself! Either way, I know that I need help." He nodded his head. "Well baby, if you need it I've got no choice but to support your every move. But even if you do, I can't help but wonder if we hit a rough patch down the road." With that being said, he got up and walked away. "Chres, Wait!" I yelled. He just kept walking.

CHRESANTO POV

I don't know how to feel about what Ella wants at this point. And even though she says it's not me, I feel that I have something to do with why she feels something is wrong with her. And after all we've been through since high school, I kind of saw an ending point between the two of us. Yeah, it's a crazy and scary thing to think about. But every hello ends with a goodbye. And not only that, but one mistake after the other for me ... you only get so many opportunities and so many chances. That one girl who completely changed my life around, I cheat on multiple times and constantly hurt. If I were her, I would have left myself a long time ago. And it's a blessing to still have her with me. But maybe ... just maybe Gabriella Segura - August just wasn't meant to be my soul mate. Maybe I don't even have a soul mate. Or maybe I just need to get myself together also. Anyway, I walked downstairs and walked out the door with my keys. I suppose I just need some time alone. Sometime to clear my head and figure out just what I need exactly. I headed straight for the bar around the corner from our house. I went inside and sat at the corner of the bar around nobody but myself. Then of course, someone say next to me. A man in that case! I rolled my eyes. "Hit me with whatever you got man." He said to the bar tender. This guy was dressed up but looked a mess. "Something happen tonight?" The bar tender asked him. "Unless your wedding was called off by your, was soon-to-be wife, then no." The bar tender gasped and continued to poor the man a glass of liquor. That's pretty harsh. "What about you, man? You look just like me tonight. Only better." The guy said to me. I shook my head. "Me and my wife are just going threw some crazy shit." I said looking at my shot glass. "I wish I could have gone through that with the lady I was soon to be married to." I shook my head. "Trust me, it's nothing you would want to remember." The man laughed. "I'm Carlos Robinson." He said holding out his hand for me to shake. "Chresanto August." Me and Carlos both showed up around 10:00 and had a bit of a GREAT conversation til 11:35. It was actually a wonderful way to get my mind off of Ella and her drama for the night. And it was such a great conversation that we exchanged business numbers and business numbers only. It'd be nice to have some conversations someone could relate to even just a little. I got home around 12 or so, little drunk but not too drunk. I hopped In the shower for a while and came out so fresh and clean. When I went into my room, Gabriella was sound asleep. Everyone in my house was except for me. I walked up to Gabriella and kissed her cheek and noticed dried tears all on her face. When seeing her like that, it only made me feel guilty and I wish I didn't just leave her like I did in her time of need but I did and I regret it. I rubbed my face in frustration trying to figure out what to do with myself. I tried not to believe that this was the roughness of our marriage but it might've been. I shook my head and laid down beside her looking at the ceiling. "Lord God?" I said hoping he'd hear me. First time I prayed and asked for his guidance in a very long time. "I know I'm a terrible sinner. I'm an alcoholic, I've had sex before marriage, I've abused women, Curse, fight physically, I've done drugs, I've been in jail, I Cheat on a lot of things, and I hardly ever go to church. Honestly it's been a few years since. But I'm asking for your forgiveness in all that. I ask you to forgive me for my sins. And I ask for your guidance. Me and my wife hit something hard in our marriage and I can't turn to anyone but you. And however it'll be when all the drama is over between her and I, I pray it's for the better and the best. Not just for her and me but for our kids also. In the name of Jesus, Amen." I sighed and pulled Gabriella close to me. It just felt right.