The Hate and Love Game

Game #156

CHRESANTO POV

"Just take a deep breath." The therapist said to me. I did as he said and inhaled deeply. "Okay." I said cooling down. "So you keep telling me she said you two weren't in love with each other. Is that true? Were you ever in love with her?" He asked. I sighed deeply. "I think I was at one point in time. But I don't know why I keep getting mad at her. Everything she said to me when she took her ring off was true." He jotted down something on his note pad. "Tell me about it." I adjusted my posture in my seat. "After me and Gabriella lost the baby the first time, I knew it would be harder for her to move on in life than it would be for me. Then we tried again. I mean we didn't really try. We just had sexual intercourse, but you know what you're getting yourself into when doing something like that." I chuckled to myself. "But anyway. I wanted to have a strong commitment to her after that. Not that I really wanted to marry her at the time. Because marriage is a life long commitment towards one another." "So why did you marry her?" He asked me. "Because we had kids. And the second time we found out she was pregnant, it wasn't just one kid. It was two kids! And I didn't want to lose nobody else in my life. Not even Gabriella. So I married her a little while after the twins were born." I said. "Well were you in love with her when you married her?" He asked. I shook my head. "No, but I loved her to death. She meant the world to me." He nodded his head. "The whole 'in love' thing might not get to you very much. But I think it gets to her a lot. And I believe she was in love with you even if she says she wasnt. But you're what's been holding her back. The fact that you weren't in love with her is basically saying that marriage wasn't something you wanted all the way." I took a deep breath again when I felt my eyes watering. "Its okay to feel hurt. Not everyone feels happy after a divorce. But you can't blame her about you two divorcing when she just wants to be happy." "So what are you saying? She wasn't happy being married or something?" I said getting a little angry. "I'm sure she was. But you weren't giving her the happiness she desired. But just know, you two might think it wasn't meant to be now. But if she comes back around or if both of you come back around, then it was meant to be all along." After he said that, I kind of took it to the heart. This whole time I thought it was her fault but it's basically mine. After that session, I went to the store and bought a dozen roses and a card saying I was sorry. I drove to Gabriella's apartment and knocked on the door. Seconds later, the door swung open. She was wearing a black and white striped skirt with a reddish colored shirt and her hair was straightened. "Hi Ella." I said holding up the things I bought. She looked down. "it's been a minute since you called me that. What are you doing here?" She asked. "To apologize for how I've been acting. Can I come in?" She hesitated but moved so I could walk in. Her apartment was more different than I expected. Every design, piece of furniture, paint colors, and carpets in my house was what she picked out when we both moved there. It look completely different and more thought about in her apartment. I sat down on the couch and she sat across from me. "These roses are for you because I know that ... roses are your favorite kind of flower because your grandmother loved them. I also bought you a card because it's the right thing to do. Plus, you like to look back on things." She smiled and I handed them to her. "Thank you." "Gabriella I'm really sorry. You know I really don't mean the things I've been saying to you lately. I love you to death. Even after getting a divorce, you're still one of the most important people in my life. But I didn't want a divorce. I thought we could get through life together considering what we've been through. And we're not even 30 years old yet." She took a deep breath. "I forgive you, Chresanto. I forgive you for the hate you've been throwing at me the past few weeks. But I won't forget it. And I know there have been times in the past where I've said I hated you too. But not like that." I sighed deeply trying to hold in my tears. But unlike Ella, she let them flow out like a never ending river. "And if I could take it back I would. But I don't understand how you could divorce me after everything we've been through together. I wanted better for our kids. My dad is dead, my mom was cheated on and shot. Your dad abused you, took your virginity, and terrorized you and so did your mom. I want better for our kids. Chris and Christina aren't even 11 yet and they're going to have to get used to the feeling of both their parents living in separate houses. No kid wants to grow up with divorced parents! I know I wouldn't!" After I said that, she broke down crying. Okay, maybe it wasn't the best thing to compare what's going on now to what our past are like but I'm only trying to understand. "Sorry. Sorry I didn't mean it like that." I said trying to comfort her. "I just want the best for them." She said still crying. I sighed.

GABRIELLA POV

Nothing but regret was flowing through my head at this point. I know our kids won't ever grow up as bad as me and Chresanto did. But if they see their parents getting a divorce is a terrible thing, I don't know what the hell to do anymore! "Can I ask you something?" I said. He nodded his head. "Anything." He said. "Do you think us divorcing will give you a better shot to be happy?" I asked. He gave me a blank look but then started thinking. "I don't know. Honestly, I was happy just being with you. But I wasn't as happy as a married couple should have been. But I know I was happy enough to get through life." My eyes started watering again. "But I take it you weren't happy since you confronted me about your unhappiness in the first place." I rolled my eyes and jumped up to my feet. "I feel the same way you do though. I was happy but not as happy as we both should have been. But that's not even why I wanted a divorce!" He smirked. "Don't start with this in love or just love shit." He said. "But that's why. I love my friends. I love your mom, I love Ruby and Ray and everyone else. I love them. But them I'm married to Chresanto August who I love the same way I love everyone else. It's just love. But me and you both deserve to be madly in love with someone. But what's marriage without mad love for each other. Tell me you don't feel the same way I do right now." He rolled his eyes. "Maybe we just need a little time to see what we want. Because even after saying all this, I know you still want to be with me in some type of way." He said. I made a pouting face because it was kind of true. "I do. I really do. But I cant." I said tearing up again. "Life is just too complicated right now." I added. He got on his feet and got in front of me. "Not because it's just ... always suppose to be that way. It's because you're making it complicated. The world and life acts a certain way. Sometimes you just have to stop and look around or you'll miss it. It doesn't have to be the way you're making it be Gabriella." I looked at him because it all made sense. Next thing you know, he leaned into kiss me. And I could have stopped him before our lips even met but the fact that I didn't must meant something. Anyway, after what seemed like 30 seconds of a deep kiss he pulled away. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll stop." He said. I put my hand on my hip touching my lips with the other. "It's fine." I said under my breath. "But I better get going. I hope we can both look past the hard times we've been through and think about the good things we've been through. So ill give you sometime to figure out what you want if you'll give me sometime to figure out what I want. I love you and I'll see you around." With that being said he walked out the door. "Will someone please tell me what is wrong with me?" I said quietly.