"I just wanna say you're mine-you're mine, fuck what you heard you're mine-you're mine, as long as you know who you belong too..."
Shaun
My mother was waiting on the couch...I dropped my head down while closing the door behind me trying to prepare myself for this convo.... She corked her head to the side signaling me to the couch...Her lips were parted and between the she held a cigarette...Which surprised me...She never told me she smoked though I knew anyway because I'm 18 now its kinda hard to keep things from me
...I took my shirt off and sat next to her, quickly forgetting my fresh hickies I had on my body....Anahi went crazy tonight and left hickies everywhere...Any other time we would be cautious of leaving passion marks on each other because I knew if Nae saw them she would flip. But tonight felt so, so different like I actually craved her fingers caressing my back...Or her legs wrapped around me...Or her soft moans....Damn that girl.....My sexual flashbacks were interrupted by my mom talking....
She blew the remaining smoked from her mouth and put the cigarette bud out, in a Christmas mug I bought her last year...She then looked at me. "Shaun. You really need to get yourself together...Now I don't know her...But the way she yelled at you, was coming from a girl who is scared, cold, and needs you..." My mother sighed then began once more" Sweetheart, if you want this girl to be yours you have to treat her right...I know how she feels your fath-" No the hell she wasn't about to make this her..."Dont you dare bring my father into this. He died thinking you didn't love him....Therefore you don't know how to feel....He loved us...He never did anything wrong and you cheated on him! So there is nothing that you can tell me about love! Cause you don't know what the fuck it is! In return I don't either! For some weird reason you don't feel something that everyone else does, you can't give that something that every one else can....That something is the reason why I am where I am..
.And that Something is Called Love!!! And you'll never understand it!" Waves of tears ran down my face, I felt my face turn scarlet, my mother touched my arm and I immediately snatched away before darting upstairs to bury my face in my pillow...And replayed that infamous night....
Flashback
I'd just came home from school and I could already hear them through the doors...I jiggled the keys and let myself in...All I wanted was applesauce and this would quickly turn into the worse day of my life...My mother and father were in the kitchen there's was broken glass splattered everywhere and mother was crying so hard that her eyes were bloody shot..."I FUCKING HATE YOU!!! I WISH WE NEVER MET-NO FUCK THAT I WISH YOU WERE FUVKING DEAD!!! SINCE YOU'RE DEAD TO ME ALREADY! !"My furious mother yelled. My father said nothing but nodded as he moved his hand towards his belt, he was a cop the best in California.And I instantly knew what he was going to do....I ran for him but before I couldnt make it to him, he placed the nose of the gun to his temple so hard you saw his skin wrinkle... A single tear left his left eye and he whispered, I loved you the best I knew how.. And just like that he was gone.....I collapsed where I was and crawled the rest of the way to him......He Was My Hero...And he was gone...My mind went somewhere else and I couldn't hear anything I couldn't even feel the ambulance service personnel pry me from him....
Its impossible for me to hate my mother but I do resent her and I think she is very hypocritical....so FUCK HER! And everything she tries to be about.....
But right now I need Ranae no matter how pissed we were at each other..
I ran to her room and saw neither her or her things were there...And this broke me....I love her we fuss and we fight but she knows she belongs to me....I called her......Luckily she picks up...
Conversation
What?? Her voice was groggy..."I need you right now please... I'm sorry baby for everything i- ".....The line went silent and I couldnt help but cry...Im going through some shit and thinkingg about this shit made it worse...The more i thought about my father the sadder I became...
I just curled up in my bed and cried until I felt warm arms around my bare skin...
Ranae
Shaun called me randomly...I thought she was going to yell at me for not being home but she didn't she called with emotion in her voice which made me worry I got up from laying behind Semaj and through some short shorts on and a tank top and ran to Shauns. ..Strangely the door was unlocked but I ignored my thoughts and saw Shauns mother crying on the couch, the only words she managed to get out was Please Talk To Her..Which I what I went to do...I jetted up the stairs and saw Shaun with her back turned to the door...What the hell happened. I crawled in bed and held her, until she turned towards me..Her eyes were worse than when she was high...She held her hand on my face and soon after buried her head in my neck next to my ear...I gently pulled her hair from her face, and kissed her forehead....I've never seen this side of her before...She was either always joking or always serious...Never sad....We stayed like that for awhile until my back was against her and she tightly held me by my waist as usual...This is where I feel safe...
"Baby...I'm sorry....you just frustrate me with this insecure shit. ..I fucking love you, I do fuck with Anahi but only when push me towards her...I starting to fall for you but im willing to let go of all my hoes for you...you know that. ..And you should know that you are mine...im sticking here with you through everything...I promise...My only request is for you to love me back...Can you please love me?"...I grew quiet...
