silence. +martinus gunnarsen+

game over

alex pov//

i had hardly slept. i honestly felt so sad from everything. just as everything seemed to be going well in my life it all crumbled before my eyes.

i mean where am i supposed to go now. am i gonna be going back with my dad? i mean i can't. i won't go back. he's just so awful.

he makes me feel worthless and like i'm never going to get loved by anyone or anything. maybe he's changed. maybe i'm thinking of the past father.

it's been years he could have cleaned himself up for all i know. maybe he is a great dad and i just don't know it yet. i'm trying to keep myself positive.

my mom said whenever times get hard to think of the positive things. right now i don't know what to think of. i looked up and saw how early it was.

i slowly rolled out of the bed to try and not wake up martinus. i took my suitcase and opened it up, trying to make the least amount of noise.

i didn't want to wake the boys up. it wouldn't want to make them grumpy or anything. i know they have been working hard and are really tired.

who can blame them. they love what they do and and are amazing at it. thinking about them just made me sad, i mean how could i leave them.

i stopped putting my clothes away and just sat there for a minute. i crossed my legs and and leaned my head on my knees.

i could feel tears coming out of my eyes. i hate crying but it's all i seem to do. i took the sleeve of my sweatshirt and wiped off my tears.

i leaned my head back against the side of the bed snd tried to hold in all the pain i was feeling right now. it was all so much in the moment and it seemed to be taking over me.

i went over to the bathroom and tried not to wake up martinus on the way. i know he easily wakes up and it wouldn't want him to see me this way anyways.

okay i made it past him. just as i was about to the open the door i heard someone say my name.

marcus-"alex?"

i didn't think marcus would be awake. i hesitated to turn around, not wanting him to see me upset. for some reason i'm still insecure about him seeing me upset.

alex-"yeah."

marcus-"why are you up so early?"

alex-"i just um needed to get something."

marcus-"i know your lying."

i turned around and went over to marcus. i sat down on his bed and i stayed quiet for a little bit.

alex-"what's going to happen to me? marcus where am i gonna go?"

i looked at him. i could feel my eyes growing and glossing over. i know what they look like when i'm crying and sad. they look like big grapes.

that's what my mom told me at least whenever i would get sad. it always made me laugh and cheer up. man i wish i had her to do that for me now.

marcus-"i don't know but we aren't going to let you go not without a fight i promise."

another empty promise. i could feel it burning. i wanted to scream out for help but i had to stay silent for now. i nodded my head.

marcus gave me a hug and i couldn't hold it anymore. i let out a tear and from there i didn't stop.

marcus-"please don't alex."