silence. +martinus gunnarsen+

please don't go

alex pov//

it felt weird around here now. maybe because i realized i didn't want to be here any longer and that i missed martinus so much.

i feel like an idiot. i let him slip out of my hands too easily, and when he tried to talk to me again and just tried i pushed him away.

i mean i could have made things work. right? i just could have tried. i was staring up at the ceiling, just trying to take deep breaths.

i looked around the room and tried to make sense of it all. i mean things just ended so badly with the gunnarsens and it only got worse.

yesterday was the anniversary of my mom's death. it's been two months officially. two months since i lost the best person i had.

i knew i couldn't be thinking about all this much longer. i had to do all my work since tomorrow we would be going back to school.

i even have an english quiz that i haven't even started studying for. i mean it feels like my life is being consumed with my anxiety and stress. more so my sadness.

i'm just drowning in my own thoughts and what i want to happen in my life. i got up from my bed finally and sat down on the floor.

my bag was next to me and all my papers were spread out across the floor. i did my work fast and i'm sure none of it was correct.

i rushed through it to get it out of the way so i can go back to moping in my bed and staring up at the ceiling. maybe even better watch a show or listen to some depressing music. it will match my mood better.

"alex come down here!"

that must be jack's mom. i got up and looked in the mirror real quick making sure i looked semi presentable in the even that someone was here.

i had my hair up in a messy bun, joggers on and a tight lulu lemon shirt. i don't know if i was going for worn out athlete or what but i guess it was good enough.

i walked downstairs and i could hear familiar voices in the kitchen. my walked slowed down as i tried to collect all my thoughts and wrap my brain around the fact that they were here.

i stood in the doorway of the kitchen and saw the entire family who i wanted to see but also wanted to leave immediately.

jack was on the other side of the room and he was looking at my expression during all of this. it wasn't a pleased one.

gerd anne-"alex."

she looked at me, her loving brown eyes staring at my cold green ones. i had no words for any of them anymore, just like how i started with them.

jack's mom-"surprise."

she was right. surprise it was. i looked around and could see marcus and martinus awkwardly sitting there. emma however was smiling from ear to ear.

she got up and ran up to me and gave me a hug. i half hugged her back and gave her a fake smile. it wasn't that i wasn't happy to see her, she never did anything wrong but it was the rest of them.

emma-"i missed you so much."

alex-"same here emma."

the tension in this room was unbelievable. it was so clear nobody knew what to say here.

jack's mom-"jack why don't we leave them alone for a little bit."

her and jack left the room. he hesitantly left i should say. he gave me a "if you need me let me know" look. it was the rest of us now. the six of us back together again.