Rigid Crow

Edge of Panic

He looks dead. Are they sure he's not dead? Oh my gosh. He's so pale. It looks like the life has been sucked out of him.
Tsukishima bluntly asks the doctor in the room the question in my head. "Are you sure he's alive?" His question sounds deadpan, but I can tell that he's concerned due to the lack of sarcasm in his voice.
"Yes, he is," the nurse answers. "The machines he's hooked up to provide him with all that he needs to live. And every now and again, you may see his fingers rigidly twitch. He's in a dire state, but depending on how much he improves in the next few weeks, we might be able to predict if he'll recover or/and how long it will take.
"Also, we've found that patients who are spoken to by people they know might recover faster. So I'd encourage you do that. That'd be very helpful to us. If you ever have more questions or need to talk to me, my name is Saki-san. Don't hesitate; I'm always eager to help." Unlike the nurse, I feel a true kind and compassionate aura around this doctor. She's not trying to make our situation seem any better than it is, but she's explaining it to us in a way I appreciate.
Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and Yachi stand next to Hinata's bed. "Hinata-kun?" Yachi hiccups. "It's Yachi, Tsukishima-kun, Yamaguchi-kun, and Kageyama-kun. Please get well soon..." she continues her simple, one-sided conversation. Small whimpers occasionally escape Yamaguchi's lips.
I look one last time at my best friend lying there, as good as dead, and then I can't bear to any more. I tear out of the room, ignoring the startled shouts of my teammates behind me.
I just want to get out of here. I briskly hurry out of the building, emerging outside into the dark of the night. Everything falls back on top of me. The guilt, the loneliness, other emotions I don't even know what to call, all of it.
I turn the corner of the building and a scream holding everything I feel leaves me. I can't hold this broken shout inside of me. This is all my fault! Hinata is as good as dead... because of me.
"Tobio-kohai." I hear that familiar, gentle voice behind me. The only one who would ever even try calling me by my first name, and would know I wouldn't mind him doing so. I don't want to look at him. I add embarrassment to the number of emotions I feel. I fall to a sitting position against the building, still hiding my face.
Suga-senpai, who is also accompanied by our team captain, Sawamura-san, both sit next to me.
"Are you the only ones here?" I murmur, still avoiding looking at them.
"Yeah," Suga answers. He doesn't say anything else. We stay quiet for a few minutes, just sitting there.
I suddenly begin to sob. I try to stop myself, but I just can't. I don't want them to see me like this! Suga proceeds to put his arm around me. His compassion only wants to make me cry harder. "Oh, Suga," I cry, everything spilling out. "It's all m-my fault! My best friend is dying... and it's all my fault..."
"Oh, Kageyama," Suga-san's voice breaks.
"That's not true at all," Daichi-san adds.
"Yes, it is!" I reply in despair. "I threw that awful toss!"
"Kageyama, none of this is your fault," Suga tries to assure me. "You've thrown tosses like that before, and Hinata has gone for them before. Why this time was any different, I don't know, but don't ever blame yourself for this."
"You shouldn't feel so responsible. You don't need to worry. Hinata wouldn't want you to," Daichi tells me, but though he doesn't mean to be harsh, in fact, he's trying to make me feel better, his words hurt.
"You don't understand," I whisper softly.
"I think I do," Suga tells me, then tries to make Dai-san understand. "Daichi, imagine if it had been me."
The expression on Daichi's face completely changes from nothing to shock. I know he understands now. "Oh..." he says in realization. "Oh, gosh. Kageyama, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."
"Don't worry about it," I tell him. My phone begins to blare an obnoxious ring tone. I groan. Not now! "It's my mom," I tell the two next to me. "This is the sixth time she's called. And the sixth time I haven't answered..."
"Would you like me to answer it?" Sawamura asks.
I nod, then tell him, "But if she tries to argue with you or get irritated, it might just be best for me to take it. Please don't make anything worse." Daichi nods, taking the phone call, but not before he and Suga shoot me a concerned glance. Sawamura then answers the phone and walks a ways away.
"Kageyama, is everything okay at home?" Suga asks me seriously, pulling away from the embrace and looking at me face to face. "Wouldn't your mom understand why you stayed out so late?"
"I don't think so. She's always so busy, and very strict. I hardly ever see either of my parents. They work so much and whenever I do see them, they nag me about something I did or need to do. I don't think they really care all that much. They didn't even plan on having any kids in the first place! Heck, I doubt they could even tell me what position I play on the team! I was thinking... I was wondering if I had been the one in Hinata's situation... would my parents have even shown up?"
Suga's gaze grows sad. "You know they would have. They're your parents. They love you. And... even if they didn't plan on you showing up in their lives, they went with it, didn't they? If your mom is strict, it means she cares about what happens to you. I bet she's really worried now."
     "Do you really think that?" I sniffle, trying to rub the tear tracks off of my face.
     Suga smiles, his eyes shining. "I don't doubt it for a moment."
     "Don't worry, Kageyama-san!" Daichi exclaims, still on the phone call. "I'm very sorry for the delay, I hope you'll understand. We're just about to head back to the school now, and your son should be able to get home from there." He listens and nods. "You're welcome. I apologize for any inconvenience we may have caused you. Have a good night, Kageyama-san." He walks back over and hands my phone back to me.
     I stand up and ask him, "How did it go? Was she mad?"
     "Not exactly mad," Sawamura replies. "I'd say she was more shaken that you hadn't answered any of her calls. She was very on-edge throughout the call, but I hope I was able to settle things down for you."
     "Arigatō," I thank him.
     "No problem," he replies. "Are you guys ready to head out?" He must see the edge of panic across my face, because he says in a hurry, "Don't worry, we're in contact with the doctors in case anything happens. They gave us the visiting hours too, so we can come over whenever we want."
     Relieved, I nod. "Good."
     The three of us then make our way back to the hospital doors.