Rigid Crow

Like A Dream

I sit to the side while Shō's family talks to him. They dote on him and talk to him gently, having calm, loving conversation with their son. After almost an hour, they look back to me and say they'll be back soon. They realize I need some time to speak with him alone. I'm so grateful. I bow as they leave, then sit beside Shō's bed.
He looks terrible. He's flushed, he trembles with a chill every once in a while, and there are bags under his eyes.
"The fever hasn't broken," I state obviously, feeling so dumb after I say it. Of course he knows that. I contemplate what to say next, but only one thing blares blatantly in my mind. I have to say it. "Shō, I don't want you to die!" It's too late. My eyes burn with tears. "Do you- Do you remember all the days I talked to you? Do you remember those months?"
     He nods slowly. "Kind of. It was like a dream. I could sometimes hear your voice. I heard others, but you talked the most, isn't that right? I didn't know what you were saying, but I knew you were there. I didn't quite know were I was, either. But you helped, I promise. Thank you so much for that, Tobi."
     "...What am I going to do?"
     "You're going to keep playing volleyball. Promise."
     I don't answer. I can't find my voice.
     "Promise, Tobi. Please. You have to. You're going to be the best setter in the world. Don't stop. I can't believe I got to ever practice with someone as talented as you. Everyone needs to see what you're capable of. Don't waste this time you have. Don't stop doing what you love. I couldn't bear knowing that..."
     "And I can't bear seeing you die..."
     Shō shakes his head. "I won't. I'll fight. But you have to do your end too."
     "...And what's that?"
     "You keep playing, no matter what happens. Don't let me set you behind. You can't sacrifice this for me. This is too important. Your career relies on what you do now. We couldn't help what happened to me, and we can't help what's happening now." He stops, a rueful smile on his face. "I wish I could say this with my actual voice. I want so much to actually talk to you again."
     "Then say something. Anything."
     His lower lip quivers. "B-Baka-g-ge-yama."
     I smile slightly. "Dumbass."
"Listen." His eyes grow sad. "Should this... kill me, this could be the last time I get to talk to you. I'm barely holding on with how I am now. I think I'll grow delirious by tomorrow, and it's getting harder and harder to breathe." He coughs for a few moments before he can continue. "They'll have to put me on a ventilator, I think. Even if the fever breaks, we'll have to worry about my blood pressure levels, and—" his eyes well with tears "—I'm so frightened."
     I lift his hands from the keyboard and hold them firmly. "I don't know what's going to happen. What I do know is that we're all going to be here for you. I know we can't have many people in here at a time, but I want the team to come see you. Would you like that?"
     He nods tearfully.
"Okay, don't worry. I'm going to call everyone, alright?"
He looks at me, wide-eyed with worry. "Do they know?"
"Well, obviously Suga-san and Sawamura-san know. They told Azumane-san. I- I haven't told anyone else, but it's pretty likely that they told at least the third years."
     "Go to practice today," he tells me. "I know you're not going to school today, but tell them then. It would be better for them to find out in person if they haven't been told already."
     "But what it-"
     "I'll hold out." He smiles gently. "Don't worry about me." He coughs violently, and I bring the towel we have near the bed to his mouth to catch any blood. He's looking more feverish than ever.
     "Do you need another blanket?" I ask as he shivers. He nods and gestures for his computer after I tuck another one over him.
     "My head hurts. Can you get a nurse?"
     "Yeah. I'm sorry you're in pain."
     I fetch one of the nurses and he gives Shō another dose of painkillers along with medicine for the fever and the cough.
When he leaves, Shō keeps up the conversation, though he's not looking well enough to do so. "You will go to practice, then?"
"Yeah. But that won't be until this afternoon. We still have six hours. Why don't you rest for a little while, and-"
"No," he interrupts, looking at me with a terrified expression. "I'm so afraid that if I fall asleep, I may either never wake up again, or be so delirious that it will be just as if that happened."
     "Okay. It's alright. Are you feeling sleepy?"
     "Not a lot. I just wish everything didn't hurt so much."
     "Is there anything I can do to get your mind off of it?"
      "Talk. About anything. Tell me more about the first-years. What are they like? How do they play?"
"They're great. You met Miyamoto already. He almost never stops smiling. He's a really good wing spiker- really strong hitter. And he's always eager to take advice.
"Sanada is super valuable for our defense, and will make a great libero for the team once Nishinoya-senpai graduates. I can't quite get a read on the guy, but he's super diligent in practice. And Nishinoya-senpai really enjoys having a 'pupil', he calls it.
     "Handa subs for middle blocking, but we've also had him training for setting just in case we need a sub for that. He's a really well-rounded player, but we're trying to get him really confident in at least a position or two so he can really hone his skills. He's good at setting, though. And he likes to help us out with English homework when we need it.
     "All three of them are the best of friends already. And they fit right in with the Karasuno team. I really hope you can see them play sometime soon."
     "Me too."
"Don't die, Shō."
"I won't."
"Promise me."
"I can't."
"I can't do this without you."
"You can and you will."
I take a deep breath in and let it out through my nose. "Do what you can to stay alive today. We'll worry about tomorrow and the days after that when we come to them."
He nods, taking a shuddering breath, his face flushed, his hair damp against his forehead. "That's all we can do."