Rigid Crow

Source of Motivation

     Hinata's eyes fill with frustrated tears as he tries for the third time to write even one word.
     It's been a day since he woke up, but he already wants to try to get back to how he used to be, vocally and mobility-wise. However, he's so far from that, that he can't expect to get better within days, or even weeks. Maybe months. The doctors have told him that.
     But Hinata just won't listen. He's been trying so hard to speak, and the words will hardly form for him. He finally gave up on that, hoping to have better luck with writing what he wants to say, but he's having even more trouble with that.
     "C-Can-Ca-Can't," he struggles, barely making out the word of hopelessness. His tears threaten to spill as he presses his trembling lips together in a firm line. He lets the pencil fall from his hand.
     "Oh, honey." Hinata-sama walks over, putting a hand on her son's shoulder. "It's okay, love. I know you want to get better right away, and you will, but the doctors told us it was going to take time and a lot of therapy. I know it's hard to be patient, but we just have to give you the time you need. You'll be well again soon, I promise. It will be like nothing ever happened."
"She's right," I reassure him, taking a seat next to his bed. "And I'll be here as often as I can. School starts up again tomorrow, as does practice, but you'll be able to catch up in no time."
     He blinks at me sadly. He knows that's not really true. And I know he'll be feeling so lonely and depressed knowing he can't go to practice. I can only hope that he will get well soon and be able to play with us then.
"You should rest, son," Hinata-sama tells him gently, pressing her lips to his forehead.
He does look tired, but his eyes flash desperately. The message is clear enough. Why am I tired? I shouldn't be. I've been sleeping for two months!
His eyes droop anyway, and within minutes, he's asleep. Hinata-sama steps away from his side as soon as she's sure he's soundly sleeping, beckoning me to stand with her. "Kageyama-kun," she says, casting a glance at her son, "the doctors told me that... that Shōyō might not ever fully recover. I- I've been lying to him. I'm so scared that he'll find out. If he is never able to move or speak the way he used to... Kageyama-kun, that would ruin him."
     "What?" I ask, shooting a glance at him. "You're kidding, right?"
     Hinata-sama looks at the floor, brushing at her eyes with the backs of her hands. "What am I going to do? What is he going to do? That sport is his life. If that got taken away from him..." She looks back up at me and her tears run over. "Kageyama-kun, that may hurt him for the rest of his life. He might never move on!"
I bite my lip in frustrated worry. What do we do? Do we tell him, and hope that that just keeps motivating him to work so that maybe he'll get well again? Does he already know, deep down?
     "Let's just say nothing for now," I suggest. "The more people tell him he'll get better, the bigger the chance he actually will, right? We just need to give him the motivation he needs."
Hinata-sama nods, wiping the tears from her face. "Okay. Yes, okay. We'll do that." She looks back at Hinata and her face crumples. "My poor baby. Oh, Kageyama-kun, this is worse than I ever could've imagined. He's in so much pain, physically and emotionally." Her lower lip trembles. "For once in our lives, I'm not what he needs, and it's breaking my heart. It's not like when he was little and scraped his knee. I could kiss that better for him. It's not like when he would come home from elementary school holding back tears because of the teasing he endured. I could hug him and assure him of how special he was. This isn't like that at all. I can't make him feel better anymore. I've never felt so helpless..."
I hug her, and I know what we're experiencing is the real love a mother and son should have, not the toxic relationship I share with my own mother. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, you are a huge influence on making me hurt less. You've been a mother in the places my own hasn't been."
Hinata-sama squeezes me tightly. "Tobio-kun, I love you, do you know that? You are like a son to me. I'm sorry you never had that at home, but I will be that for you, okay?"
I nod, burying my face into her shoulder. "Thank you. Thank you."
     Hinata-sama pulls back and smiles. "You know, I may not be what Shōyō needs, but maybe you'd be better for that. I'm his mom. I'm supposed to be there for him. I think it would be all the more encouraging for that source of motivation to come from you."
     "You think?"
     "I know."
     I look back at him. "And what if I can't do that? What if he doesn't get well and I have to move on with my life? I need to keep training. I don't mean to sound so selfish, but volleyball is my life, too. I hate to leave him behind, but... This is something that I can't give up. I have to work for it hard. Every day."
     Hinata-sama nods. "Yes, I know that. And you should keep at it. You aren't the only one here for him, you know. He's got many friends now. He's got the team. He even has friends from other teams!" She beams. "My Shōyō. He's something else, isn't he?"
     I smile back. "Yeah, he is."