Rigid Crow

Wasn't Your Fault

     I've gotten quite good at communicating with Hinata from his expressions over this past week. I can really tell from his slight expressions and the light in his eyes what he'd really be saying if he could. It's really affective, and he enjoys this a lot, I can tell. Before this, it's all been one sided conversations to him. The way we talk is more of a two way street.
"The new first years are actually really good," I tell him after practice one day toward the end of the week.
His eyes spark with interest and curiosity. Good enough to be starters?
"I guess they could be starters. Right now, the third years are taking over the positions that need to be filled. Narita-san is filling in for you."
     Can he do our quick, though? Hinata glares at me blatantly.
"Yeah, yeah, he's not you, I know. He's really good in his own way, though. It's alright. We'll save your spot for when you come back."
Hinata's eyes dim. You really think I'll be coming back?
"Just give it time," I say. "You'll be on your feet soon, I know it."
His eyes regain their light. A smirk tugs at his lips. And you'll throw me all the tosses I want?
"My tosses are perfect. I've been training hard. You'll like them. I'm making sure I never again throw a toss like on... Look, my last toss to you won't be the last. I just can't end on that note."
He looks at me sympathetically now. That wasn't your fault. None of this is.
"But maybe it was..." I grit my teeth and look at the floor.
He grunts softly, bringing my gaze back up to him. Kageyama. I'm serious. He then rolls his eyes as if none of this is a big deal.
"Fine," I relent. "You tell me something, then. How are things when you're alone here?"
His lips pull back and he shifts his gaze from side to side. As good as they can be, I guess. Kinda boring. His eyes brighten and look ahead with yearning. I just wish I was playing volleyball again.
"I know."
"How are you doing that?" an intrigued voice sounds from the doorway.
"Ah?!" Startled, I look to our new guest.
The man laughs, walking inside and taking a seat. "I'm the occupational therapist. I'm here to have our first session with Hinata Shōyō."
"Oh," I say, relaxing. "Hi."
"You can communicate with him just through his restricted expressions?" the therapist asks curiously.
"Um, yeah."
"That's truly incredible!" The man barks another laugh, amazed. "I'm Ueda Jun," the occupational therapist introduces himself with a smile. "We don't have to use honorifics. Pretend as if I'm your peer. I like to speak with my patients on familiar terms. I've found it gets us on comfortable terms faster, which means quicker recovery. Is that good with you?"
"I guess so," I answer for the both of us. "So we just call you Jun?" No adult has ever asked me to use his or her given name so casually before.
"There you go!" he says with a smile. "I know this is Shōyō here, but what's your name?"
"Tobio."
"It's nice to meet you. What's your relation?"
"I'm a friend."
"Good. Now Shōyō," he turns to address him, "I'll tailor our sessions to whatever makes you most comfortable, while still challenging you. First off, I have to know who you're comfortable having with you during any physical therapy. I saw written on the form that I was given that those people currently are Hinata Reo, Hinata Yui, Kageyama Tobio, and Sugawara Koushi. You may add to or take away from this list at any time, and names here do not mean that they ever have to attend a session, just that they have your permission to if they are able. You may also attend these alone. Second, our first sessions will be right here, but once you are able to comfortably sit up, hold your head, and have good mobility of your arms and fingers, we'll move to a center here in the hospital tailored to retraining people how to walk again. Does all of this sound right to you?"
Hinata gives a small nod of his head in affirmation.
"Wonderful. Then let's get started right away, shall we? Tobio, can you explain to me what mobility Shōyō has at the moment, if you know?"
"Well, his fingers would twitch all throughout his coma. Now, since he's woken up, he has spoken just a little bit, so I guess some of the facial muscles have been working. He can squeeze with his hand. He can kind of lift his arm sometimes and point, or hold up fingers. His breathing is fine, too. He can do that on his own. He hasn't eaten anything yet, though. He gets everything through his IV."
Jun wrote everything down on a clipboard. "Thank you. About the facial muscles and all that, the speech therapist will help with that. I'll take care of everything else.
     "Now, Shōyō, shall we begin?"
Another slight nod.
"Good." He sits forward, then takes Hinata's hands in his. "Let's start small. I want you to squeeze both of my hands as hard as you can, okay?"
Hinata complies. His fingers don't move much, though.
"Wonderful," Jun says, smiling. He puts down one of Hinata's hands so now he's only holding one. "Now, I want you to squeeze just this one hand. This time, I want you to put every ounce of your thinking into it. Tell yourself how to move your fingers and your palm. Clench. Release."
Hinata tries again, but this time, there's much more strength behind the action.
"There you go!" Jun exclaims. "See how much more successful the movement was when you put your focus on that area of your body?" He releases Hinata's hand. "That how this kind of therapy works. You must learn how to concentrate again, how to relearn specific movements again. I assure you, it's completely possible when you put the work into it."
Hinata doesn't look so frustrated anymore.
"Can we... keep going?" I ask.
"Of course!" Jun replies. "That's what these sessions are for."
The next hour consist of small exercises similar to the first. The focus is really good for Hinata right now. It's keeping his mind off of other things.
     I find myself sometimes copying the actions that Jun is making Hinata perform. I curl my hand into a fist, lift it slightly off my lap, put is back down. What would life be like for me, if this was the extent of my mobility? How could I even feel the need to go on anymore?
     For the first time in this long span of recovery to come, I realize that I am never going to truly understand Hinata's pain.
     And that hurts me more than I ever thought it could.