BADIDUNG

Chancer - "Confuscia"

"Hoy babae! Sinadya mo yun no? Na tawagan ako sa classroom para malaman nila na hindi ako ikaw?"

"And so? Sino kaya ang OA na nagsisigaw sa phone kanina?"

"Kasalanan mo yun! Kung di ka ba naman-hmpp mppp ano ba?!" Nyeta nito eh. Nasa school gate pa kami, pinapapak na agad ako. Malakas talaga ang kutob ko na pinagsamantalahan ako nito nung nakisleep over siya sa apartment ko eh.

"Basta ako ang date mo sa prom baks ah?"

"Asa." Nag-F you sign ako sa kanya.

"Baks naman eh, dali na."

"Sige na nga. Basta hands off ka sakin bago magprom."

"Ayoko nga!"

"Edi maghahanap ako ng ibang date sa prom."

"Wag! Sige na, oo na, I'll try my best to resist you." Wt ang gaga, mula nga nun, medyo umiwas sakin. Eh sabi ko lang naman, hands off, hindi avoid.

Our little stunt started a rumor around school that we were dating. Na may LQ naman daw kami after nung weird favor niya na pinagcross dress ako sa buong class hours for one day.

Strangely, it didn't bother me at all. I liked that people linked the two of us — I was almost proud. Parang wala rin lang yun kay Jelai. Naging inside joke na namin na we were "dating."

As the rumors spread around school that we were "more than just friends," one of the guys on the soccer team joked that people were going to start asking us if we'd have threesomes with them.

Kahit alam ko na nantitrip lang ang damuhoness na yun, at wala pa talaga kong naka-sex sa tanang buhay ko, save for that one time na di namin sure kung may nangyari nga samin ni Jelai, the idea of hooking up with her didn't gross me out, and I found myself actually thinking about it, which was weird.

Ako ang sumundo sa kanya sa gabi ng prom. Nakakainis nga eh. Dapat ako ang dyosa, pero ako tong pinagdala ng sasakyan. Chaka lang. Pero di bale na, natuwa nga rin si Nowi na makita ko in my gentleman form---naka-suit and tie. Pak!

Magdudoorbell pa lang sana ko ng saktong bumukas ang pinto at niluwa nun si Jelai. Sinuri namin ang isa't-isa.

"You look...amazing." / "You're dashing." Sabay ang komento namin sa pisikal na kaanyuan ng bawat isa.

"Pano ba yan baks, handa ka na bang maging tunay na lalake para sakin? Pfft." Eto na naman po tayo.

"If I'm a man now, I'd ask you to be my girl."

She blinked. "Ano baks?" Ay bingi.

"Wala, sabi ko ang tagal mong mag-ayos. Kanina pa ko nag-aantay sayo. Tara na nga." Tumalikod na ko at tinunton ang kotseng dala ko.

"Parang hindi naman yan ang sinabi mo kanina eh!" Hindi ko siya nilingon at tuloy lang ang lakad ko ng bigla na lang siyang humabol at sumabay ng lakad sakin sabay angkla sa braso ko.

"I can do this now, right? Prom na ngayon. Sabi mo lang naman hands off ako sayo before this night diba? O mali ba ko ng pakaintindi?"

"No, you're right. It's fine. Papaabuso ko sayo tonight." I grinned. and warmly caressed her hand on my arm.

Nung nakapasok na kami sa loob ng sasakyan ay inayos ko ang seatbelt niya. "Pagkakamalan na naman tayo nito." Hagikhik niya.

"Panigurado yan. Pero buti nga yun para mabawasan yung mga ambisyosong nagkukumahog dumiskarte sayo."

"Ay bet ko yan baks. So possessive! Pfft."

"Gaga. We just have so many inside jokes that it wouldn't be any fun for guys especially your fanboys — we'd be laughing too hard," I fired back.

Jelai giggled and agreed. "All my attention would be on you anyway," she said. My stomach dropped. I felt weirdly excited, but quickly brushed the thought out of my mind.

That wasn't the only time I was confused by the things Jelai made me feel. I'd had other close girl friends before, but my feelings toward Jelai felt different, more intense.

Her friendship was more important to me than any other friendship I'd ever had before. Even more important than my past gay relationship with Nowi.

My diary, which was mostly me complaining about fafas, kasi naman kahit yung mga warak ang mukha choosy na rin ngayon, tapos yung mga pogi naman lahat taken.

Suddenly, my diary increasingly started to become about Jelai. I would write about how upset I was when we got into a fight, or how much I hated when she would talk to other guys.

I never even considered that I was physically attracted to Jelai, lalo pa at bading na talaga ko mula pagkabata, pero sa tuwing yayakapin niya ko, it felt different, in a good way, and I started to crave the rare times when she'd show any type of physical affection toward me.

Bakit ko pa kasi siya tinest ng self-control bago magprom? Parang nananadya tuloy siya. Kaya niya na ba talaga kong tiisin?

When we'd have a sleepovers, sometimes she would accidentally cuddle with me in her sleep. But instead of squirming out from under her when she threw her arm over me, I really liked it and would just pretend to be asleep so she wouldn't wake up and move.