Emo Trinity x Reader

Ray Toro x Reader - Secret

Warnings: none
Word count: 1 526

To say every day of tour was torture was an understatement. You loved being on tour with your two older brothers Gerard and Mikey, of course you did. You helped with the stage and the merchandise and you helped get some proper food on the table, apart from the everyday pizza or burger and you were sure you had never been happier before. But then there was this problem with your crush. Of course you could not fall in love with one of the nice guys from your neighborhood. No, you were deeply and madly and undeniably in love with one of your brothers' closest friends and the band's lead guitarist, Ray.

You had known Ray long before this tour and you had always admired him. He was always caring and gentle, funny and considering and not to mention absolutely handsome and a god at playing his instrument. But since the guys had started recording the latest album and prepared the tour, your admiration for Ray had grown stronger and stronger.

By now you honestly did not know how to handle your feelings anymore.

You hated all these girls at every concert who tried to get his attention. And because he was as nice as he was, they got his attention. Certainly not always to the extent they hoped for, but he always took the time to take photos, sign autographs or simply chat with his fans. You had nothing against those fans but there was always a fraction who screamed obscenities at him, wanting him to sleep with them and stuff. Some girls even tried (and sometimes succeeded) to kiss him. You hated those people. Not only because they made feel Ray uncomfortable but also because he was not theirs to kiss. Nor was he yours, as you knew well enough.

It was hard for you to stay around him and not making it terribly obvious that you were in love with him. No matter what was going on in a room, as soon as he was there your eyes found and rested on him. You tended to stand mostly beside Ray, you smiled more at him than the others and you blushed more easily around him. None of this would have been too bad, had it not been for the fact that when you first had met the band, your brothers had announced that they did not want you to date any of the other band members. Back then you had nodded and smiled but now it was a serious problem. What if any of the two, or even Frank, found out that you were in love with Ray? They would surely be mad at you and sent you home, maybe they would even be mad at Ray. And if Ray happened (which you thought impossible) to return your feelings, both of you would surely be kicked out of the band. Not to mention the family drama afterwards.

So your new, and so far successful, strategy was to avoid Ray. You casually left the room every time he entered, you did not look at him, you especially did not look him in the eyes (because his eyes were just too god damn beautiful) and you tried to talk to him as little as possible. Of course he still slept in the bunk above you and every night you wondered what it would be like to lay next to him but you tried to forbid every thought at him. It did not work, but you tried. And for some time your feelings actually seemed to fade away, until that one day.

It was early afternoon and the band was just doing sound check. You enjoyed the time alone in the tour bus and had settled down on the small sofa, reading one of the books you had borrowed from Gerard. You laughed about one of the many, bad puns when suddenly the door flung open and Ray climbed into the bus. You grew tense immediately. How could you get away from him now? Quickly you stood up and shot him a fake smile while you felt your heart pounding faster.

"I'm gonna go check on the guys, see whether they need help with something," you explained. Nice excuse, you thought to yourself, sounds totally believable. Yay, Sarcasm.

You had just reached the open door, when it was slammed in your face.

"They don't need help," said Ray but he sounded almost... angry? "We must talk."

This was no question, it was a statement and it sounded beyond pissed. And that scared the living shit out of you. You had never seen Ray upset and certainly not as angry as he sounded now.

"Sit down," he put a hand on your shoulder, which sent a shudder through your body, and guided you back over to the small sofa. But you refused to sit down.

"I'd prefer to stand," you admitted quietly, not looking at him.

He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face before speaking. "You're avoiding me." Again not a question. He forced himself to speak quietly even though he was mad and that made his voice shake angrily.

I'd really like to run away now, you thought before concentrating on answering him.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are! You're not even looking at me right now!" Ray's voice got louder and louder until he was almost shouting. Secretly you preferred being shouted at, but you still wanted to run. Ray was angry, everyone gets angry. But Ray was angry at you and you did not know which was worse, the feeling of being broken hearted at that or the fear of him. You felt a burning in the back of your throat and your eyes began to sting, sure signs that you would start crying any minute. But Ray did not seem to notice. He just kept talking, voice still risen. "You are avoiding me, you don't talk to me, you don't even look at me! You just leave me wondering what I have done wrong! What have I ever done to you that you ignore me and push me away and hurt me like that! (Y/n), what have I done?" Suddenly his hands were at both sides of your chin, cupping your face while tears rolled down your cheeks. "(Y/n), what?" His voice had gotten all quiet, full of hurt and pain and so gentle.

Finally you could not take it anymore. More tears ran down your face and into Ray's calloused, yet soft and warm hands, as you began talking. Your voice was shaking but you kept talking anyway, finally revealing all your feeling. "I'm in love with you, that's why!" You wanted to shout but it came out more as a sniff. "I've been in love with you for months now and if anyone finds out, all this is over. Mikey and Gerard are gonna kill me, or you, or both of us! And I just can't take it anymore, Ray, I just can't! It's all bottled up inside me and I feel like I'm going to burst because I don't know how to handle any of this and-"

You wanted to continue your rant; it felt weirdly good to finally get all those feeling out, but instead Ray's soft lips met yours. His hands were still resting on both sides of your face, his thumbs drawing small circles on your cheeks, rubbing away the tears. For a moment you were frozen but then you melted into the comforting warmth of Ray's kiss. Until a thought pushed itself into your mind. What if he only kissed you because he pitied you? Slowly you placed your hands on his chest, grabbing his shirt and pushed him away, carefully but firmly. You really did not want the kiss to end but you did not want to be kissed out of pity either. The expression on Ray's face was one beyond confusion.

"If you only kissed me because you pity me-" you started but were once again interrupted.

"I kissed you because I love you, and your brothers can kill me for that, I don't care. So shut up and let me kiss you again." His eyes stared down into yours pleadingly and finally you smiled, pulling him back to you at the shirt that your fingers were still closed around. He closed the last inches between you and again his soft lips met yours. But this time the kiss was more passionate and you lost yourself in the perfect harmony in which your lips moved together. You felt Ray smile into the kiss and you could not help but do so too, when suddenly the door flew open and Frank came bouncing into the bus.

Ray and you jumped away from each other as quickly as possible but Frank didn't seem to care. He just turned around in the door and shouted "They're just kissing, you can come inside!" He pushed past Ray and you and flopped down on the sofa, smirking up at the two of you.

"Fuckin' finally," Mikey followed though the door, Gerard close behind him. "Was about time!"