Emo Trinity x Reader

Gerard Way x Reader - You Don't Love Me

Requested on Tumblr
Warnings: mentions of planned suicide, anxiety
Word count: 1 932

You had first met Gerard during the hardest time of his life. You had been friends with Frank for ages and he had asked you to join My Chemical Romance on tour to help with putting up the stages. You had said yes immediately. You loved the music they were making and you had arrived at a point in your life where you were uncertain how you wanted to continue, so spending some time touring through America at the side of a good friend seemed a pretty genius idea.

It had not taken you long to realize that Gerard was addicted to drugs and alcohol. He was a sweet guy when he was sober, but the alcohol turned him into a person you pitied, not someone you wanted to befriend. Gerard had liked you from the beginning. You were the only girl on the tour bus and you were always patient and listened to the things he said. He often came to talk to you. Mostly during the few hours when the alcohol had worn off and he had a clear mind. Those were the times when he realized how screwed up his life was, and he needed someone to talk to. You always listened. Not only because you pitied him. You wanted to help him and you liked him. Sometimes you wondered if that was even possible because his whole personality was distorted due to his addiction, but you had a feeling he was an okay guy.

Then came the night he almost tried to kill himself. You had been sound asleep, not knowing about Gerard's thoughts until the manager called you. He told you Gerard had wanted to kill himself but he had talked him out of it. The manager asked you to keep an eye on Gerard until he fell asleep. Of course you got out of bed immediately. You threw on some presentable clothes and found Gerard sitting in front of the trailer, staring into the early morning sky. You were not sure how to approach him, so you simply asked him, if he wanted breakfast. At first he denied, but when you told him you had seen a diner just a few streets down that was serving freshly baked waffles, he agreed to join you. Over waffles with cream and strawberries and a chocolate milkshake Gerard told you what had happened. He ended the breakfast with the promise never to touch drugs or alcohol ever again.

The next few weeks were hard, but Gerard was strong and stuck to his promise. You liked sober and clean Gerard a lot more than the drunken version. You even found yourself swooning over the singer when you were alone.

Half a year after Gerard had decided to abandon drugs, he asked you out. You had been a couple since.

~*~

It had been two years since Gerard and you were dating and some time ago the band had published their latest album 'The Black Parade'. You were still working as a roadie for the band, helping with the stage and the merchandise. You loved touring the country with your friends and boyfriend and for years there had been no problems. Until two months ago Gerard had made your relationship public.

It felt like a switch had been turned. You suddenly felt insecure about everything you said and did. You felt insecure about the way you looked, about the clothes you wore and the sound of your voice. You felt insecure about how to touch and kiss Gerard and about the way he felt about you. Especially about that. You loved him, there was no doubt. And Gerard always said that he loved you too, but did he actually mean it?

These thoughts polluted your mind. You only held him back. You were not beautiful enough to be looked at by him. He was weary of you. He hated the way you kissed him. He hated the way you talked and he hated the way you called his name. He hated everything about you. He was only together with you because he pitied you.

It was all too easy for you to believe these dark thoughts, even though you had no clue where they came from. Everything had been fine, until Gerard had opened up about the relationship in an interview. But now you did not only have to deal with your own thoughts, you also had to deal with thousands of jealous teenage girls, who saw you every evening building up the stage.