Blue Angel [Amberprice FF]

Traumatized.

A/N: Thanks for unbelievable 25k reads!! Also wanna mention that pepperonisk is translating this fanfic into the Russian language on a Russian fanfic page called ficbook.net and will later bring this onto Wattpad. I'll add it to my Blue Angel translations as soon as it is out. 

Rachel's POV

Why did she do it? Revenge was maybe a reason, but at which costs? One month has passed and she isn't any more stable than before. Her therapy doesn't help. We don't know if Eliot is alive or not. The doctors won't tell us. They aren't allowed to. Nobody at school seems to know something either. I'm standing by her sight each and every day since I picked her up from the junkyard. Just as unstable as she still is.

And the worst thing is that I'm blaming myself. If I would have been there earlier, none of this would have happened. At least not in such an extent. But I wasn't.

I wanna look at the beautiful punk I fell in love with but all I see is an exhausted person who doesn't care about her appearance. We don't talk that much either. I don't even know if we're dating but I don't care about that at the moment due to more important things.

Sometimes, Chloe wakes up from having a nightmare. She tells me every time what happened in those nightmares because I asked her to do so. Right now, she's at her therapy session and I'm gonna pick her up after it. She's like a baby but I don't blame her, it's quite the opposite. She told me that she can't be alone for more than 5 minutes, except when she knows someone is close to her because she keeps getting panic attacks. I still love her with every inch of my body and with my full heart. We fought for this. And unfortunately, this is what we ended up with. We can't end this fight now. I could leave her tomorrow and never come back into her life ever again. But that didn't even come once into my mind. 

I looked onto my phone clock. It was time to pick her up. I got up from my seating position, picked up the car keys and drove off. The therapist was like half an hour drive away and the traffic was really smooth today. I made it there with still 20 minutes left.

That made me wanna smoke a cigarette to bridge the waiting time. Yes, I started to smoke. Not like I used to which was smoking whenever I felt angry, but smoking whenever I could. I blame the situation for it. 

Chloe came out some short time after I finished the cigarette. Her face showed no expression at all and she didn't say anything. Like always. She just hopped into the passenger seat and we drove back in silence. 

"Rachel?" Chloe said, to break the silence. "Yes?" - "Is there anything new from... you know?" - "No. But my dad is working on it." - "Okay." I thought the conversation was over. But Chloe spoke up once again. "Is everything clear with Steph?" - "You mean the thing with her money?" Chloe nodded slightly. "Well, my dad has paid her the money. But..." I wanted to say that we have to wait until we know about Eliot but I couldn't tell her. "but I haven't talked to her yet," I told her, hoping she'd buy it. She gave me a nod. 

"Chloe?" She looked at me. I wanted to have this question out of the way. Even if it didn't feel like that at the moment, I just needed the safety that she knows I'm there for her, no matter what. "Are we dating?" - "I don't know, Rachel. Are we?" The cold tone of her voice left scratch marks at my heart. Even though I knew that she isn't really herself at that time, it hurts. "I hope so. You know that I'm there for you, no matter what, right? I want to keep you company until I die, Chloe." - "Mhm." Ouch.

I hope we really get some new information on Eliot soon. It drives me insane. I'm starting getting crazy myself. I hate this situation so damn much and I don't know what I can do about this. I can hold Chloe as close as I can, she won't show me any reaction of feeling comfortable. I could take her to the most beautiful place and she wouldn't care. All I want is my Chloe back.

Eliot caused so much pain. And he's still causing it, wherever he may be.

A/N: I promise, the chapters will get happier, don't hate me for those sad/depressing chapters! <3