A Certain Magical Fate. Book 1: Saber.

All the Misfortune in the World.

"So let me get this straight.. she's your pen pal.. from London.. WHICH I'VE NEVER HEARD ABOUT TELL NOW!?" Kuroko roared. 

"Shhhhhh!!" Mikoto stammered. "Kuroko this is a library get a grip!"

They were at Tokiwadai Middle school's library, sitting at one of the long tables. Other school girls at that moment turned to look curiously at the sound of Kuroko's voice.

"You do understand that I am present at the moment, and can ascertain everything you say?" said Saber, glaring back at Kuroko with immense dislike.

Kuroko ignored Saber, and continued to round on Mikoto as if the Servant wasn't even there. "Sissy! I can't believe this! You never usually hide things from me... I mean.. if it's just a pen pal then why would you-... OOOOOHHH!!"

Kuroko's eyes went wide with horror as she clasped her hands to her mouth. "D-don't tell me.. SHE'S YOUR LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP SECRET LOVER!!!?"

"PFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT!!!" Saber spat out the tea she had been drinking, her eyes flaring with a glare to melt a thousand mountains. 

Saber stood up haughtily. "As if I'd ever enter into such a.. a.. UNCIVILIZED.. relationship with another woman!"

"Don't worry about it Saber." said Mikoto with a sigh. "She's like this every other week, she practically does this to Saten and Uiharu about 12 times a month."

"Maste-.. I mean Mikoto.. I find this roommate of yours unacceptable." said Saber. "She fails to observe proper etiquette of living with another person peacefully. A succubus like her would surely end up attempting rape upon you by the end of the year."

"She already has attempted rape actually." Mikoto muttered. "But really, Kuroko's a good person on the inside.. right Kuroko?"

"Eh? What?" Kuroko looked up from attempting to sprinkle a date rape drug into Mikoto's tea. 

Saber's eyes turned so cold, it was as if she were projecting ice from her eyes. "Master.. Permission to behead this succubus?"

"D-don't joke like that!" stammered Mikoto.

"I'm not joking.." whispered Saber wrathfully as she drew Excalibur out of mid air. 

"OH! So going to go all Kingdom Hearts I can pull keyblades out of the sky on me huh!? Nice stupid ability!!" Kuroko roared as she whipped out what appeared to be metal pins from belts on her legs under her skirt, and readying them like throwing knives between her fingers. "But my sissy only has ONE lover and that's... WAIT DID YOU JUST CALL HER MASTER!? YOU'RE ALREADY MOVING ON TO BONDAGE LOVE MAKING!?"

 Saber looked aghast now, her face now redder than the setting sun. "T-to suggest such a thing.. between female friends... I knew I always found Rin's advances on Shiroe disturbing.. but.. YOU'RE A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL OF HORRID AND DISGUSTING!! I WILL RID MASTER OF YOU RIGHT HERE!! A King protects the innocent from evil! AND YOU ARE EVIL!!"

Kuroko gritted her teeth, readying her needles.

"The Breath of the Planet Gathers.." growled Saber as she raised her blade to the sky. "The torrent of life shines.."

"EEEEEEK!!!" Mikoto screamed, diving between Kuroko and Saber. "DON'T KILL EACH OTHER!!! and Saber.. i thought you weren't supposed to let people see THAT sword!"

"Oh.." stammered Saber, seeming to come to her senses as Excalibur disappeared. "R-right.. that was reckless of me.. "

"Come on you two!" stammered Mikoto. "You two have to have a more peaceful way of working this out! "

"Attention one and all!" a bell started ringing from out in the school hall. "As usual, the Weekly Tokiwadai Cooking Club's Iron Chef challenge competition is about to begin! The prize being a spot on the Tokiwadai school Committee where you will plan the upcoming school festival!"