Just Monika

Goodbye, Monika

I let go of Monika. She continued to lie there, lifeless. I had to face the fact that she was gone. I wasn't sure how I was gonna provide a proper funeral. Money may or may not be an issue, but who would go? Only a few people knew Monika. But maybe they'd do it for me? I didn't have a lot of friends either, but I could try. Ah, but one thing stood in my way.

I didn't have the strength to let her go.

I needed help. The thoughts of what I wanted to do were unhealthy. I could feel my emotions becoming unstable. I felt sadness before, but now I felt anger. I felt it towards Kyle and his gang. I felt it towards Cain. If Kyle hadn't gotten in the way, I would've never fought him, and all the time that I spent fighting could've been used to be with Monika. The times where Monika was stressing out because of the upcoming fight, that could've been used to help her feel calm and loved. And if Cain hadn't asked me to help him, I could've spent the day with her.

I punched the wall.

"Stop Danny. This isn't their fault. You should've put more effort into trying to be with her," I said to myself.

I went to the kitchen to get some water. I heard Keith's door open as I was there. Keith saw me and greeted me with a fist bump.

"Good morning, Danny."

"Ah, morning Keith."

"You okay? You seem down."

"It's just the morning. I'll be better soon."

I tried to hide my sadness, but I could feel my eyes watering. It didn't matter how tough I tried to be. I always had a sensitive heart.

"Danny, is something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine." My voice broke.

"Danny, it's okay. You can tell me."

I burst into to tears. "Monika's dead, Keith. I don't know what to do!"

Keith was shocked. "I-I'm sorry." He hugged me. "It's okay Danny. Just let your feelings out."

I continued to cry, but I soon stopped myself. I wiped my eyes after letting go of Keith.

"You wanna come hang out upstairs?"

"I'm fine, I think I'm gonna lie down with Monika."

"Are you sure? I don't-"

"Yes I'm sure!" I felt a sudden burst of anger, but I immediately calmed myself down. "Sorry. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm gonna take a nap with her. I'll probably come upstairs soon."

"Alright. Odin and I will be upstairs."

He left upstairs and I left to his dads room. Seeing Monika lying on the bed made me wanna cry again, but I held back the tears.

I lied next to her and put my arm around her. She didn't hug back of course, but I pretended she did. I moved closer to her and slowly fell asleep.

Well I tried.

As I was falling asleep, something came to mind. Not the best idea, but if it'd bring me back with Monika, then I was all up for it.

I took my switchblade out of my pocket.