Just Monika

Talk

"Talk about what," I asked.

"You! You seem different. You're overexcited and you're acting obsessive."

"Oh really? I thought you said you'd never judge me."

She turned away. "I'm not judging you, Danny. You just seem a little different."

"How?"

"Well, earlier you told me that you wanted to use my hair as a stitch for your wounds. I've never heard you say anything like that before."

"Well, your hair is soft."

"You also have this crazed look in your face. Why? What happened?"

Well I could agree with that.

"It's just excitement, that's all."

"But you would never say what you said just now."

"What did I say?"

She looked at me and raised her voice. "When you said that thing about me judging you. I know I said I'd never do it, but this really needed to be addressed." She started to tear up. "I really wanna be the best girlfriend I can be, but you're scaring me, Danny." She looked away and broke down into tears.

I felt my heart shatter. My mind cleared up and I realized what was going on. I was going crazy and becoming obsessive. I pushed my girlfriend to tears and I made her fear me. I tormented her with her own words and made her feel horrible for saying them.

You're fucked up, Danny.

"Monika, are you really afraid of me?"

She didn't respond. She just continued to cry.

You did this, Danny.

I put my hand on her shoulder. "Monika."

She turned to me. Tears were flowing down her cheeks and her eyes shined with them. It broke my heart. Or what was left of it, at least.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I love you, and I want to make you happy. Please don't be afraid of me."

"I..."

I hugged her before she could finish. She continued to cry on my shoulder, allowing all of the tears to flow.

"It's okay, cry if you need to."

She hugged me and started to cry a little louder. I suddenly realized how harshly I had hurt my girlfriend. This girl was crying because of me. I did this. People like me shouldn't be blessed with such a wonderful girl. Who would curse this girl with someone like me?

I felt my eyes water. Knowing that I had hurt Monika was too much. I allowed the tears to fall down my cheeks, but I stayed silent. Right now, I needed to be strong for Monika.

It took some time, but she managed to calm herself down. She was gonna let go, but I didn't let her.

"Danny?"

"Monika, I love you very much. If you feel like you need to cry, you can continue to cry."

I didn't want her to see that I was still crying but my voice probably gave it away.

She sniffled. "I'm okay." She broke the hug and looked at me. "But how are you feeling?"

Her eyes were still shining. Even after what I had put her through, she was still checking on me.

I wiped the tears away. "I'm alright."

She gave me a gentle smile. It was comforting, but if also made me feel emotional. Just a few minutes ago, she told me I was scaring her. Now, she was genuinely smiling at me.

I looked back at her. I could feel tears in my eyes, but not enough to flow down my cheeks. She had a beautiful smile, but I couldn't bring myself to smile back. I didn't deserve to smile. Not after hurting you, my darling Monika.

She grabbed my hand. "You know I love you, right?"

I nodded. Speaking was something I didn't really feel like doing at the moment.

Her smile widened. "Then smile! I'm your girlfriend and I love you."

Now I couldn't help but smile. I made her a cry a moment ago, and now she was trying to make me feel better. What could I have done to be blessed with a girl as wonderful as her?

I gave her a subtle smile. She responded by hugging me again.

"I'd do anything to see you smile, Danny." She let me go and looked at me with a gentle smile. "You wanna watch a movie with me?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

We went to the cabinet and looked for a movie. I wasn't really sure what to pick though, so I waited for Monika to find one.

After looking around for a bit, she found a movie called "Mystic River." I had never heard of it, but I guess the cover looked interesting. I put the movie in and lied on the bed with Monika.

After about ten minutes, she started to fall asleep.

I chuckled. "Is it boring?"

"What? Oh sorry, I'm kind of tired."

"Hey it's alright. You wanna go to sleep?" I paused the movie.

"Yeah. We'll watch it tomorrow."

I turned off the tv and lied next to Monika. Hopefully we could hang out all day tomorrow. Of course, this time I won't act so crazy.