Daryl-
I thought for sure that writing this letter to you would be easier than ever saying all of this to your face, yet I'm finding it's harder to put every emotion I feel and every word I want to say down onto paper. I thought it would be easier not looking into your blue eyes as I spouted soppy love filled words at you, but I find myself missing your expressions and the way your eyes glimmer with words of their own. I miss your kind quiet patience as I speak and you do nothing but listen. But here I sit, late at night writing everything I want to say to you and have you know down in this letter.
I hope the candle I have lit for light to write the words you are reading now won't wake you, for you look so utterly at peace when you sleep. Young and unscathed by the world and it's harsh effects. I love staying up, like tonight, watching you as you dream for I know you do the same with me.
I'm stalling aren't I?
Daryl's lips curl upward softly, the papers clutched tightly in his hands as he sits on the edge of the bed he once shared with you, reading your last thoughts and words to him. His hands shake slightly, making the paper flutter back and forth as well.
He didn't know if he could open the envolope that had his name printed on it, and read the contents inside. Rick handed it to him after your burial, and now two days later he was finally coughing up the courage to read the letter of love that you left for him.
Is it silly, to feel nervous? I feel anxious as I think of everything I want to write in this here letter, nervous to have it all written out before me. Maybe I'm nervous because I know what this letter stands for. This letter means I'm gone. I'm dead. Perhaps that's the biggest reason for my pounding anxiety. But I also wonder if I'm nervous to write all I want to say to you, because I worry you'll think I'm being too soppy. Too girly for you. I know, I know, I can just hear you laughing at me now, but I worry sometimes. I worry that I will scare you one of these days with how much I love you Daryl Dixon.
Daryl closes his eyes, releasing a deep breath that burns for his heart aches inside of his tightening chest. What you didn't know, was that he was already afraid. Not of you or your love for him, but of his own feelings of love towards you. The way he felt about you, frightened him for he had never felt feelings so strong ever in his life.
But I guess we're both just going to have to suck it up, huh? Because I want you to know everything even if its silly and soppy and girly. I want you to know that I love you Daryl and I think a part of me always has.
From that very first day I met you back at the quarry with your brother who gave me more attention than you did. It makes me smile just thinking about it. The shy reserved man who hunted for the group that hadn't yet fully accepted him and his outspoken brother. I was drawn to that quiet man. I was drawn to you. Maybe it was the feeling that you had a story, maybe it was the mystery behind who Daryl Dixon was. Whatever the reason, I was smitten from the start my darling, I truly was.
Daryl runs a hand over his face, his eyes shut as the pain fills his chest like water in his lungs. Burning and drowning him slowly.
He never knew you felt that way back then. Maybe he should've been able to see it and didn't because he was too caught up in his own feelings. The feelings that made him nervous and uneasy when you were around. The feelings that made his chest tighten whenever he saw your kind smile or eyes glimmer in the burning sun. He always believed that you were too far out of his league, it was obvious to him. But to think about you having feelings for him way back when... Makes his heart flutter right here, right now.
I think I feared I would scare you off. Like a butterfly; beautiful to gaze at from afar, but get too close and they will fly away. But as I grew braver in my small intimate actions Daryl, you became braver too. The touch of my hand that used to make your whole body tense, to a kiss on your cheek that made your tan skin flair a bright pink. Yes my love, I saw your blush. You grew braver by allowing someone to show you affection in those small ways. And I grew braver by continuing to do so without fear that you would run and hide.
