ASUNDER (I) : tmr newt

56: I'm Ludicrous

56 Ella Day 19

This is ludicrous.

"Come on El," Jeff bounces back and forth on his legs. His grey blends into his clothes, blends into the room and is one with everything inside the Glade. I barely recognise the humdrum of his voice from the sound of air flowing in and out of the room.

Today it is quiet. There is no sound from the Builders moving around. For now, I am being forced to attempt to "rehabilitate my cognitive ability" in the most ridiculous possible fashion.

"You could knick me if you tried."

Jeff is holding a scalpel. The metal shines through the grey in his attempt to swipe at me. "Clint and I used to duel all the time with these."

"And I used to win," Clint's voice rings from the chair he must be sitting it.

I don't want to hurt him. That's not my job. What I am supposed to do, I have long forgotten. The Smoke man may be gone, as may be the Violet girl, but they still linger in the air among us. I still have a responsibility to destroy one and help the other, but I know no matter what I do I will do the opposite of what I intend.

I would have better reflexes if I could see him, or even any of them beyond the cloud which surrounds me. A sting reaches my hand, and I can't pull it up to see it. In fact, it's almost like I am blind in this haze.

"Ella, it's like you aren't even trying." He asks, before pausing. I wish I could imagine what his face looks like. From here, his voice lacks tone. It's difficult to decipher if he is frustrated, concerned, or even happy (although that seems outlandish).

It's like you aren't even trying.

Michelle.

When he leans forward, I duck. Instead of attacking I curl into a ball and attempt to hide from him against the floor. I hear something shatter above me. The universe stills at the sound, waiting for any action to bring it back into motion.

"I need to speak to the others," I tell him, although I don't know which him I am speaking to. "I do not care which one. Whichever one is free."

No one speaks, as if all the words have been striped from their language and their minds. I have half a mind to repeat myself in one of the other languages I know.

"Leo should be a floor down," Jeff suggests.

"Not Leo," Clint corrects, standing up in his chair. He walks out the door, and I hear him call after Jeff though I do not hear a single word he says. I wonder if they say words, or even speak.

When they are gone, I am alone in the room. Separate, but there is a hand on my shoulder. One which presses its hand into my skin. I feel my shoulder blades crunch against themselves, and all I can do is scratch at the air.

"Ella."

My heart stills.

I cough, feeling bile rise in my throat. It is not the Smoke man here. He does not ravage my body like this. The smoke man forced me to forget my own name, and even worse forget hers. Tying me up against my nightmares until I remember nothing but screams filling my ears. Despite all of this, I refused to cooperate.

The boy who is here now, I know I am not the most scared of. Out of the one's I have met, he is the most docile. If we had walked different paths, perhaps he would be here with me now.

I remember nothing about him, except that we are the same. The difference between us, is that he is a coward. Unfortunately, I am brave.

"Please, I tried to fix it."

Not well enough. Not well enough. Not well enough. We are broken and dead and lying on the ground bloody. She is gone and away and forever separated and it is your fault for giving in. That man who hurt you did the same thing to me but I never gave in. You didn't fix it. You didn't try, and you certainly didn't want to try. Not enough to save those you claim to love. Not enough to provide any success. I am here, and I have ruined it because of your failures. Because you had hope.

"There is no fixing this mess you built." I spit, standing up. I recognise his voice though I do not see him. "I was supposed to be your partner. I was supposed to do what you did, but I said no. I refused. You are weak."

"Ella, please."

"That is not my name!" I'm screaming now, and I hear the door open though I see nothing. "He was going to kill me and I refused him. I refused the control and the mistakes and the whole ordeal while you did nothing. You are weak. I was younger than you, I was smaller than you, and I was stronger."

"You are going to hurt yourself."

"I do not care about myself anymore!" I am raging, ripping apart anything my hands can get on. "They stole me, just like they stole you. Just like you will be gone in a week. We have both failed. I was supposed to bring salvation and you destruction. Neither of shall ever succeed."

"Please, just calm down." I don't know who is speaking to me anymore.

"I won't calm down. I can never calm down again!"

We were running. Before that, I was with him. Snuck out of my room, snuck to the opposite end of the place with the aid of the Outsider working the computers. To see him one last time, in the early crack of the morning. To tell him what I was going to do.

"Our plan shall succeed."

He shakes his head. "Just listen to me. I know that this can work. I just need you to do your part and stay still for a minute."

"Just like you did your part?" I cross my arms over my chest, waiting for him to speak. He says nothing, since he knows what I know. Of course, he told no one, nor the others. I know though. After all, I was supposed to be her.

"I didn't know-"

"If you didn't know, you're either the dumbest fucking idiot I've ever met," at this I begin walking away from the boy, "or you are just as evil as her."

"Which of them are you talking about?" He asks it so carefully, I think he is surprised by the confidence in my response.

"Both of them."

~~~~~~~~~~

Welp. I guess Ella is going off. I guess this isn't great. This is not good. Oh well.

I'll see you next in Leo and Bribery