ASUNDER (I) : tmr newt

61: I'm Alone

61 Leo

"Why are you awake?"

After that meeting, I could never speak again. It was almost as if she couldn't see us, or hear us. Ella is slipping away. After Clint put her to bed, people started to talk. Of course, I couldn't stop them. I can't stop much.

The thought made me so nauseous I couldn't eat dinner. Although, I've been skipping meals a lot lately. I almost feel like I am wasting away.

"After that?" I respond, curling up against the door. My voice is quiet, the sounds drowning in my throat. "How could I sleep?"

"Clint explained to them her hallucinations," Newt sat down next to me. "How it's hysteria, and not as though she actually remembers anything. No one is going to banish her."

I hope not. The thought haunts me. I don't know if she remembers anything or not. Although I am at least a bit desensitized to threat of banishment, it hangs over my head. It isn't likely this will get Ella banished, nor is it likely she will die from this pain.

My fears with Michelle and Dawn are founded though. They are in danger.

"Did you talk to Clint?"

There is about three feet between myself and Newt. The space feels to wide. I glance over at him, noticing he is looking back. His face grimaces, since he knows the answer.

"No," I tell him quickly. "But he'll definitely listen now."

"Why?"

Should I just openly tell Newt I'm planning on blackmailing Clint? I can't risk it, since Newt could tell Ella. I couldn't get her banished. It's not that I don't trust Newt, or I mean, I guess I don't. I don't trust anyone when someone's life is on the line.

"If there is some fight going on, he'll want to put a stop to it." I am lying through my teeth, and I can't tell if Newt knows. "So, I mean, he might approve it quicker."

Newt shrugs. "If you say so."

We share a silence. It's comfortable, being on the wooden floor in the cold, with him. There is something about sharing the way we breathe. Our chests rise and fall together. Newt and I find a pace which we share. Everything about us seems to fit together.

Which kind of sucks, since I'm mangled and broken.

"Do you think Dawn and Minho are going to stay apart?" I ask, since I highly doubt it.

He laughs a bit, smiling. I can't help but join him. The grin fills my cheeks and my skin, although it burns my lips. It seems wrong, but with him it feels right. He makes it seem like all the problems of the world are jokes. "No way are they going to separate."

"They might," I suggest, although I know they won't.

He shakes his head, chuckling. It is infectious. Here we are, sitting on the floor in the dark, with only a candle on the stairs lighting the air, laughing at our friends doing dangerous things. Or at least, I'm trying.

"No, they won't." He bites his lips as he fully turns his body towards me. "Minho has never once listened to me."

"Really?" Now I'm curious. I still let my head rest against the wall, my back pressed against it.

"Here," he gets up, running out of the room. I find myself standing up, looking after him. I take a step forward but hear him call out after me. "Just wait."