Dark and Dirty Like You've Never Seen

The World is Ugly

The week passed slowly but I did what I could to keep myself busy. Frank would drop me off at Gerard’s on his way to school. I got so comfortable being there by the end of the week that I would usually make us breakfast. I think I met Gerard and Mikey’s parents one time but they were usually already at work by the time I got there. I saw Mikey occasionally and I was really starting to like him. I found it easy to open up to him about things. Gerard and I would either go get coffee or make a pot at home and sit and chat. He told me a lot about the band and let me look over some of the things they had written and let me give him my opinion. I even started helping Gerard write a song that he had already started but couldn’t finish. He hadn’t thought of a title yet, but it was on its way. I sat and enjoyed them practicing in the garage while usually helping Frank do his homework which surprisingly didn’t bother me. I actually missed having something to keep me busy. There was never a dull moment when I was with them. At the end of the day, Frank and I would head back to his house where I was also more than comfortable to be at. I had a feeling that his dad knew there was something more to me staying at his house than my parents being out of town, but he hasn’t really pushed the issue. There was also the issue of Aaron that I hadn’t pushed either. I hadn’t actually talked to Frank about what happened with him. I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it just yet. I know I’m going to have to before we go back to school, I just need to find the right time …

Instead of worrying about that, I focused on all the things that were actually going right. It was strange how after only a week I felt closer to these five boys then I had felt with Lacy in years. When I would start to feel bad about not responding to her emails or texts, I would remember the day in the cafeteria when she left me to fend for myself in front of a ravenous crowd. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t need Lacy anymore. It was hard to think that I was throwing away a decade old relationship, but I knew that it had been over for a while. Lacy was a reminder of a lot of bad things that had happened in my life. Frank, Gerard, Ray, Bob, and Mikey: they were my light at the end of the tunnel. They were the start of something better. They made me realize that I don’t have to go through all of this alone. Even if not all of them knew about the things I had endured over the past years, they are still my remedy from reality.

The weekend rolled around and I started to gear up for heading back to school. When Frank came home from school on Friday, he stopped by Gerard’s as usually to pick me up. Gerard and I were sitting in his room; Gerard was sitting on the edge of the bed playing some video game and I was propped up on a pillow next to him, flipping through his sketch books at some comics he did.

“Gerard these are great! How long have you been drawing?”

“Technically since about middle school. I kind of did it just to escape, you know?”

“What do you mean?”

“Kids were assholes. I got made fun of a lot so I started drawing. First it was pretty terrible, like the quality and the content. I would draw the kids that made fun of me and had bad shit happen to them, like get hit by lightning or something. When I started to draw normal shit I realized I actually enjoyed it. I started taking art and my teacher told me I had a talent for it. I just got teased for it more. Kids are cruel little bastards.”

“Why would they make fun of you? You’re awesome.”

Gerard had paused his game at this point and turned to look at me. I grinned at him but he just gave me a weak smile. I gave him a serious look. I could tell it was really hurting him to think back on these memories.

“Well … lots of things. For one, I was fat. That was the bulk of the teasing. They thought I was weird. I was the kid that listened to Iron Maiden and liked to sing and draw. Apparently it wasn’t the cool thing to do to get the lead role in the school musical. That’s when shit got really out of hand …”