Dark and Dirty Like You've Never Seen

Letters

Frank’s dad and I pulled up in front of the house. I let out a sigh and turned to give him a weak smile. I felt bad and a little hurt. He had no idea what was going on and Frank had barely told him half of the situation. I actually came to finds out on the ride there that Frank hadn’t been home much. His dad was under the impression that he was staying with a friend. It couldn’t have been Gerard; he would have told me. That was just one more thing I would have to figure out when I talked to him. I was going to have to start making a check list at this point. I opened the car door and started to climb out when I felt his hand grasp my arm.

“Angela, wait…”

I turned around to look at him and I could see the concern in his eyes. It made my throat tighten a little. This man who I can’t even remember, who I lived with for a short time, cared for me. I could feel my heart break for him. I didn’t understand how much this man had done for me until this moment when I saw the look in his eyes. He let go of me and turned his gaze to the road in front of him, absentmindedly running his hand along the steering wheel.

“I know you said things are different here, and I believe you, but what you told me about your life … I just wanted you to know you are welcome to come over any time you need to. I know you don’t remember much, and I don’t want to sound weird, I just--”

I cut him off by leaning forward and hugging him. It felt strange at first, but somewhere in me I knew that I could trust him. He helped me through times that were so dark, I couldn’t even remember them. That’s when it hit me. I pulled away from him, in a rush but quickly gain composure. I cleared my throat and smiled at him.

“Thank you. I will.” With that, I pushed opened the car door and climbed out. Had forgotten how cold it was out while being in the heated car that the gust of wind caused me to shiver. I pulled my jacket tighter around me as my hair whipped around my face. I made my way back up the side walk to the front door, quickly stepping inside. I was greeted with a wave of warm air that made me sigh in relief. I kicked my shoes of next to the front door and started to slip of my jacket, but changed my mind, zipping it back up.

I took in a deep breath of the sleeve once more and it made me shiver. This time the tremor came from the inside. I thought about most of the things I had forgotten – my dad, Lacy, Aaron, even Frank, and it all made sense. I couldn’t remember them because the last memory I had was something bad. Aaron had constantly bullied me and the last time I really saw him, he had done something unspeakable. I couldn’t remember Lacy because she had ditched me in a fight and we haven’t talked since. My dad was abusive and I hadn’t even been living with them for a while. But what about Frank? Gerard wouldn’t tell me what had happened. He said I needed to ask him myself. There were other things I had forgotten but I chalked it up to I wasn’t around enough or I didn’t know them very well. I couldn’t remember Mikey but that was probably because I had only met him a handful of times, most of them in drunken stupors.

I was trying to remember Frank, anything about him, and nothing came to mind. I had never tried delving into memories that might have hurt though. I was afraid to do that because I wasn’t sure what I would find. Before I made any rash decisions, I whipped out my phone as I made my way upstairs. I began flipping through my contacts, looking for Gerard’s name. Not paying attention to where I was going, I found myself bumping into someone, sending laundry flying out of their hands. I looked up to see my mom with a startled look on her face. She must not have seen me with the mountain of clothes in her hand. I began apologizing as I bent over and began picking up the scattered clothes. She didn’t seem to upset with me. Ever since I came home, she was very careful around me, not just with what she said but with what she did. She smiled as I handed her back the clothes and began making her way back downstairs when she stopped and turned to look at me.