Dark and Dirty Like You've Never Seen

This is It

My body was relaxed and the room was quiet aside for the faint noises coming outside of my window. I felt my body coming down from a deep sleep and I registered the light that was streaming in behind my eye lids. I stretched and yawned, rubbing the rest of the sleep from my eyes. I slowly let them flutter open, gradually taking in the daylight that was shining across my bed to greet me with a new day. I smiled as my hand lingered over to the other side of my bed. That's when I remembered the events from last night. I quickly shot up and looked to my side to see that the bed was empty and cold. I ran my hands through my hair and glanced around the room.

"Was it a dream ..." I thought out loud. It couldn't have been. It was so real. I know he was here. I climbed out of bed and made my way over to the window, looking down at the yard below. He was there. I walked back over to the bed and sat on the edge of it, letting my fingertips graze where his body had been. I pulled them away from the bed and let them lightly touch my lips. They were still sensitive and the rest of my body seemed to be on high alert. He had to have been here. I grabbed the pillow off the bed and pressed it to my face, breathing in deeply. "Frank ..." He was here. I could still smell his intoxicating aroma on my pillow. I let the pillow fall back to the bed as I stared across my room in a haze. I remembered him. I remembered how I felt about him. Everything was so intense last night, most of it being a blur. I know he came over and we talked a little bit and I know that once I remembered, I couldn't stop. I couldn't not touch him. My fingers, my lips, everything was craving his touch. Even now, I felt so unsatisfied. I needed more.

But why did he leave? I checked my phone. No messages. I bit at my lip as I contemplated what happened. He couldn't have just left without saying anything. I stood up and made my way over to my desk. My notebook was set open to what used to be a blank page, but now had, what I assumed, was Frank's writing scrawled on it. I picked it up and read through it.

"Angela,

I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye. I was afraid if I woke you, you wouldn't want me to leave. Shit, I was surprised I was able to leave on my own. I would give anything to just lie in your bed and hold you, but that's beside the point. I had to leave because after what happened last night, I couldn't stand to tell you what I came over to tell you in the first place. I need just a little more time. I know I'm being a little bitch about it, but I swear to you, I will tell you tonight. If you remember the lake, I want you to meet me there tonight at seven. Just please do me a favor ... I need you to remember last night. I need you to know that I love you and I will never hurt you again. Please, that's all I need you to do. See you at seven.

Xofrank"

I felt that familiar, awful pulling feeling in my stomach again. I guess I should have known things wouldn't go back to normal that easy. There is always one more thing someone left out. One more thing that's going to hurt me. One thing that will break my heart. I sighed and ripped out the paper he had written and folded it up. As I went to shut the notebook, I saw the now familiar drawing of a silhouette of a man hanging next to song lyrics. Gerard's song lyrics. And mine too, I guess. I felt a pang of guilt hit me. I didn't want to admit it, and as much as I didn't believe him at first, I think Gerard was right. After last night, I didn't have a single thought of Gerard cross my mind. Even now, looking at these lyrics and knowing what I had said not even a few days ago, I couldn't bring back those feelings I had. When Gerard told me that I would remember Frank and this thing with him would all blow over, I didn't know how he could say it with a straight face. He and I both had the same feelings at that moment, and knew once the inevitable happened we would have to find a way to work around these feelings. I know I'm with Frank and I know now that I love him, more than I've loved anyone else, even Gerard, and yet I still felt guilty. I shouldn't though. Everything is back to normal. I love Frank, Frank loves me, I care about Gerard, but not the same way. Gerard had told me he had feelings for me, though. I can't forget that. I wasn't sure how I was going to explain this to him. I shouldn't have to. He's the one that said I'll remember Frank and be happy and forget all these other crazy feelings I had going on. He probably wasn't thinking what would happen if he was right.