Dark and Dirty Like You've Never Seen

What Do I Have to Do?

I spent the good part of an hour ranting to Gerard. I told him about the note and Lacy and everything else that was bothering me. I felt bad when I realized I had done most of the talking while Gerard just agreed with me occasionally. I tried to apologize but he said I had nothing to be sorry for. He said if anything, he should be telling me sorry. He was sorry that I had to go through all of this. He was sorry for what happened that night at the party. He was sorry for things he wouldn't even tell me about. Things that I had yet to find out about.

I didn't get it. I felt safe with Gerard. He made me feel good about myself. When I talked to him, I could feel the air in the room change. I could feel my body relax when he walked into the room. I know I hadn't spent much time with Frank, actually none to be exact, but I didn't have that gravitational pull to him like I do with Gerard. I had thought about something when I was on the phone with Gerard that just made everything that much more complicated. What happens when I remember Frank? I can't deny the feelings I have for Gerard now and he made it clear that he has feelings for me but wants me to work things out with Frank. That's not just going to go away when I remember Frank. I mentioned it to Gerard and he seemed a little unsure himself. I wish I could have talked to him in person. I couldn't gauge his reaction over the phone. He told me that once I remembered Frank, I'll forget about these feelings I have for him. He said I was just channeling them to him but that would change when I remembered. This made my stomach twist painfully, but I just said ok.

I didn't actually believe him and from the sounds of it, it didn't seem like he believed himself. Our conversation ended soon after that leaving me feeling even more exhausted. Talking to him made me feel better at the time but by the time I hung up the phone I was back to the confusing reality of things.

By now the sun had set and it was pushing midnight. I sat in my bed, staring numbingly at the walls. I'm not sure how long I had been doing this. I lay down with the intention of sleeping some of this off. I just wanted to forget just for a little bit. I felt like I had stepped into someone else's life mid-sentence. I'm trying to put the pieces together and figure out where they left off. What was more frustrating was I had all the pieces in front of me, but they just didn't seem to fit together. Especially the two glaringly confusing pieces in the middle of the puzzle: Frank and I. I laid my arm across my face and sighed heavily.

At that moment I heard a bang on my window causing me to yelp and shoot up into a sitting position on my bed. I squinted my eyes in the darkness to see what had hit my window. I didn't see anything. Maybe the wind blew the tree limb into the glass. That's when I saw a rock pelt my window again. I jumped at the contact and hopped out of bed. I looked around the room and slowly made my way to the window. I grabbed the jacket hanging off the back of the chair by my desk and quickly slipped it on, realizing I was in just a tank top and boy shorts. I slowly looked out the window just as another pebble came flying at it. I backed up, angry this time, and threw open the window, jutting my head out.

"Who's there?" I hissed. I looked down to see a boy with black and red hair wearing all black clothing. "Frank?" My voice went from pissed to confused and shocked.

"Angela, I need to talk to you." He whispered back. I'm not sure why, though. He is outside.

"Right now?" I was confused. Did we always used to do this? Was throwing shit at my window a normal thing?

"Please... I need to talk to you."

I waited for a moment and watched as he rocked back and forth on his heels. I sighed. "Meet me at the front door." I quietly made my way down stairs, praying I didn't wake my parents up. Even though they were being extra nice to me, I don't think they would forgive me having Frank over in the middle of the night. I slowly unlocked the door and pulled it open. Frank stood there with his hands in his pockets and his head held down low. He looked up at me through his lashes and shook some hair out of his face. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. This is the first time since the hospital that I had seen him up close. He was very attractive. A thought flashed through my mind that made me blush. Had we done anything? Had we had sex? I held on to the door handle for support.