Scenarios Of Us

aftermath

A/n: Let's give JB somethin'

I was staring out into nothing when I felt a light tap in my shoulder.

"Tulala ka nanaman."

Madz breathed before sitting towards me. Ginantihan ko lang sya ng isang tipid na ngiti.

"C'mon, it's been what? 2,3 years? Loosen up, bree. Wag ka namang habang buhay na ganyan."

Palagi ko nalang yang naririnig. Pero masisisi ba nila ko after all what happened? I don't think I still deserve to live.

And as if it was an ordinary feeling to felt, eto nanaman yung pakiramdam na iniinda ko sa ilang taong nagdaan. Hindi na nawala, hindi na nabago, lalo pang lumalala sa pag lipas ng panahon. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to overcome this, instead it's me whose under it's control. Kahit anong kawala ko, bumabalik at bumablik ako sa apat na sulok ng kwarto ko. Dinaramdam na mag isa ang lamig ng gabi.. na kasing lamig na ng puso ko.

Narinig ko ang malalim na paghugot nya ng hininga. Nag angat ako ng tingin at sinalubong ang mga matang puno ng awa at pag aalala, wich I'm kinda expecting. Dahil yun at yun ang nakikita ko sa mga mata ng taong nakapaligid sakin ngayon. At ayoko nun. Ayokong may nag aalala sakin, lalo na ayokong may naaawa dahil deserve ko naman kung anong kalagayan ko ngayon. Bagay na hindi nila maintindihan.

Bakit nga ba kasi nandito pa ko at patuloy na nabubuhay? I deserve to die. Pero life is life. I'm fated to suffer like this kaya siguro di pa ko kinukuha ni Lord.

"May lakad mamaya, same place, at please naman, Beatriz! Knock some of your senses and come just this once, huh?! Try to get back to life."

She said looking intently at me.

Ang totoo nakokonsensya na din ako sa mga kaibigan ko. They just keep on understanding and trying. I'm just the stubborn one here.

Looking at her pleading eyes, I can't do anything but nod.

Kahit di ako sigurado sa sarili ko. Kung kaya ko ba? Oras na ba para pagbigyan ko sila? Bigla kong naisip ang mga bagay na nagawa nila sakin when I'm at my worst.. up till now.

I feel bad.

---

The unfamiliar feeling of familiarity consumed a huge part of me the moment I step in this place. Matagal na din nang huli akong pumunta dito.

Ang amoy ng usok at alak, ang malakas na tugtog, wild people, dancing, grinding, drinking, making out.

How I wish I could still do the same. To enjoy life to it's fullest. I looked down realizing that I can't, I won't in this lifetime ever again.

I sigh deeply and took a step forward. Well, there's no point in going back naman, so for the sake of my friends, I hope they're enough to distract myself tonight. I walk towards our usual sit which I remembered clearly. I may have a pretty sharp memory, wich is both good and bad thing.

Malayo palang kita ko na sila. A circle full of laughter.

Dati rati... Nevermind.

Nilapitan ko na sila. Unang nakapansin sakin si ate Ly.

"Bei?!" Surprised and excitement was written all over her face.

The others followed where she's looking. And then the next thing I know..

"Oh my god! Baby besh!!" Ate den literally jumped at me squealing. Muntik pa kaming matumba.

I let out a chuckle as I realised na mejo tipsy na sya. And it looks like she's not the only one.