Scenarios Of Us

Just a kiss

I was sitting by the bench in our school grounds. Watching people pass by, think about things, contemplate ideas, flash some memorable moments.

"Sorry na kasi.. hindi ko naman sinasadya eh."

"Bakit ba sorry ka ng sorry? sinabi ko ng ok na nga diba?!"

"You're avoiding me.."

A boy and a girl nearby catch my attention. The boy was chasing the girl whose obviously running away from him. I saw how the guy plead for the girl's attention. Then the girl gave in and walked away towing the guy.

Suddenly, trail of memories came flooding my mind.

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"Please naman, den. Wag ganito.. please.. if you want me to forget about my feelings then may it be forgotten. Hindi ko kayang mawala ang friendship natin na tanging pinanghahawakan ko. Hindi ko kayang mawala ka. Please, den.." she cried.

Me? I just can't trust my voice at this time. A part of me says yes and the other says no, and in between. You could say I'm that complicated wich I really am.

Yes, cause she's just so special for me. She's been my bestfriend for the hell i don't know, been my cry shoulder, my human pillow, my light whenever I'm lost.. almost my everything. No, cause i want it more than that. Yeah, you read it right. But.. but at the same time, both choices can't be chosen.

"You know we can't! Anong pang klaseng paliwanag ang gusto mo?!"

Sorry if a have to act like that. I have to. I must do it that way for her to stop.

Alam kong alam nyang hindi pwede. You all know the rest knowing our very traditional and religious country. I can't bear seeing her being judged by those unworthy people. And I can't pursue her only request to stay in her life as if she didn't confess. It's for her own sake. Alam kong hindi nya magagawang pigilan ang nararamdaman nya sakin kung magpapatuloy kami sa buhay ng isa't isa. Kahit ako baka hindi ko macontrol ang sarili ko kapag nanatili ako sa piling nya.

She keeps on crying her heart out and God knows how hurt I am seeing her in that state. Me too was crying but still I have to stand my ground and not fall apart in front of her.

"Please naman, den.. I would be nothing without you. Please! I'm begging for a bit of you!"

"God knows how sorry I am for doing this to you, ly. But you know this is the right thing to do. You have to let me go." I said firmly.

She heave a sigh. A deep one and wipe her tears away her beautiful face. I'm willing to do that to her but I'm frozen in my spot to even wipe my own tears.

She calmed a bit. "I did my part. I did my damn best to win you. But.. but.. I.." she stifle a sniff. "If that's what you want, den. I'll respect that. Now's goodbye."

And just like in our fucked up situation wala din akong nagawa nang maglakad na sya palayo.. palayo sakin.. Paalis sa buhay ko.

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Why does the world have to be this cruel? I pity those human being like us whose caged into the hurtful reality of the world. We can't do anything. We can't just go beyond it all.

Now she's gone.. from where I am, from my life. Nagsisisi ako, oo. Sino bang hindi? Cause as the time goes by so fast, I tend to be more maturer than I was before and realize my biggest regret. But I guess I've learn my lessons from all of it.

Masaya naman ako ngayon.. i feel contented. Atleast that's what the others thought. Cause who am I kidding? There's no contentment if there's still regrets.

Hinayaan ko lang eh. Hinayaan ko pakawalan nya ko at hindi lumaban sa kung anong meron kami. The feeling's mutual actually. I just blew up the chance of telling her too. How much I love her whole being.. now i wanted to add how much I miss her.

Haay, nasa huli nga naman ang pagsisisi. May ilan lang talaga na mapalad na napagbibigyan ng pagkakataon para baguhin ang pagkaamali nila. I, on the other hand, still waiting for my shot. Yes, I'm still waiting. Cause despite everything I still feel that she's the one for me. I don't want anyone. Just her.

Oh, if only i could tell her that right now, as in right now right away.

I traced the vandal just right where I'm sitted. 'alyden' it says. Written in her very own handwriting. I won't ever forget. After all, how could I?

I sigh deeply as i got up and leave a tiny paper carrying the words i long to tell her.

Noon hiniling nya ang pagkakaibigan namin at hindi ko pinagbigyan. Ngayon humuhiling ako ng mas simple, ang mabasa nya ang mga salitang nasa papel na iniiwan ko sa tuwing pumupunta ko dito. Ewan kung mapagbibigyan nya ko.

Sa araw araw na pagpunta ko dito, ni minsan hindi ko sya nakita. This was our favorite spot. At magmula nung araw na yun ay hindi ko na sya nakita pa.

Kumusta na kaya sya? Does she think of me still? Nasan na kaya sya ngayon? Namimiss din kaya nya ko? Mahal parin kaya nya ko?

Sana lang.. sana..