Star Crossed: Forbidden [larry]

Chapter XIII: Accentuate

I sat at the beach, Louis' and mine neverland. I overlooked the sea as the sun set down on it. Scriptures from today's church runs through my head.

"Love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always remains strong. Love never ends," (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

Memories of Louis and I flashed through my mind; the day we met when my green eyes entered the world of his glimmering blue ones, when I gave him his first cooking lesson in which he was horrible and I without thinking pulled my arms around him showing him how to roll the dough, and when we went to this very beach, sitting where I am now, where we laughed and swam and pushed each other around having a tickle war.

"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination," (Leviticus 18:22).

I think of when Louis had dinner with mine and Angela's families, when Louis grabbed my hand on a sunday after church and pulled me into the water, how I felt something when he grabbed my hand, how I could get lost in his endless ocean blue eyes.

"If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense."(Leviticus 20:13)

I remember the dreams I've been having, each one more sinful than the last. I remember how yesterday as Louis wiped away ice cream from my lip and my eyes locked on his, how I desperately wanted to kiss him, I didn't though.

"You know they're the one when one want to spend every waking moment with them. When you want to know everything about them, from their favorite color to their darkest secret. When you're with them, you feel infinite, like you can take on the world. They should inspire you to be a better person, and you should admire everything about them, even their flaws."

I think of his eyes that are endless pools of blue and how imperfectly perfect he is, how if I could I would spend every waking minute with him.

"You know when you put their needs in front of your own, caring more about their happiness than your own.When their emotions reflect your own, when they're happy, you're happy. When they're sad, you're sad. You know when no matter how mad at them you are, you still love them. You know when you live to make them happy, smile, and laugh."

I remember the time when I took care of Lou when he was sick, and how my heart ached just to see him so ill. I remembered the stabbing in my chest every time Louis looked sad or an unknown expression entered his features. I thought of how just seeing his face, made my day. How making him smile and laugh was like landing on Mars.

"Don't you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people-none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God,"(1 Corinthians 6:9-11).

I had an epiphany, I, Harry Styles, was in love with another man. Something that is frowned upon here to put it lightly. But I am so in love. I have fallen head over heels into oblivion. It's inevitable that we won't end up together, we're not meant to be, we're star crossed lovers that will never be. Not because our love is not true, cause it sure as hell is. But because of society and how homosexuality is outlawed here. So outlawed that 'sodomy' as they refer to gay sex as is punished by death. But I love him dearly. What am I to do? Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I can't win either way. But I can't hide my feelings for him any longer. I love him and all I want to do is kiss his pink lips as I tell him so. How am I to tell him this? How do I even begin to tell my best friend that I am in love with him? What if he is disgusted or doesn't feel the same way? I couldn't bare to lose him. But at the same time, I couldn't bare another second without knowing he is completely mine. I guess I'll just have to be brave like Louis for once. Take a chance and hope for the best. I decide to head home, it's far past midnight and my parents will kill me if they found out I snuck out. I jump off the rock and shove my hands in my pockets as I begin the walk home. I probably should've drove here, considering its a long walk but my parents would of heard my car drive off. I wouldn't be able to tell anyone but Louis about my love for him, they would be ashamed of me. It would have to stay between us. If you had told me last year that I would fall in love with a boy, I would of laughed, never in a million years did I imagine this. I guess love isn't something you can expect nor predict. I reach my street and see every house has its lights out. I can see Niall's bedroom window with his small lamp turned on. He is still afraid of the dark and can't sleep without a small light. I smiled to myself and walked up the driveway. I tiptoed to the door and opened it as quiet as possible. Once inside, I tiptoed ever so carefully to my room. Once safely in my room, I collapsed on my bed, finally free.