Star Crossed: Forbidden [larry]

Chapter XXIII: Trepidation

Today is Zayn and Perrie’s wedding. Louis invited me as his ‘date.’ I didn’t even know that Zayn was engaged until Louis told me. Apparently, Zayn and Perrie have been dating three years and are in love. The wedding is at the beach, which is where I’d always wanted to get married. I step into Louis’ car and we drive off.

“So, do you have any part in the wedding?” I asked him. We were already almost there.

“I have to give the toast,” he told me. We pulled into the parking lot which is filled.

“You nervous?” He nodded his head as he parked the car. I glanced over to the ocean remembering the last time we were here and chuckled.

“What?” Louis asked.

“Just remembering the last time we were here.”

He smiled at the memory and we got out of the car. White chairs were lined in rows in the sand, at the end was the altar which was made of wood and had light blue flowers spun around it. A good amount of the seats were already taken up. Louis took me to where his family was in the second row. The music started, I recognised the music right away, it was the instrumental version of Skinny Love by Birdy. Louis placed his hand on my knee, knowing that is the only affection he can show. Louis’ two younger sisters skipped down the aisle with a woven basket in each of their hands, throwing light blue flowers in the sand. They then took a seat by us. Zayn walked down the aisle next with his older brother. Zayn was wearing a black suit and had a blue rose clipped onto his jacket, his tie matched the flower. I could tell the wedding colors were white and blue. He then walked some other guy who I am assuming is Perrie’s friend or brother down the aisle. He then walked the bridesmaids down the aisle. Perrie appeared, her blonde hair was pulled back into a beautiful bun with two pieces of hair hanging out at each side of her face. Her dress was long and white with lace on it, showing off her curves. Zayn smiled brighter than the sun when he saw her. Her dad walked her down the aisle as people gush at how beautiful she was and took pictures. When she reached Zayn, she hugs her dad and then she joins Zayn’s side. They held hands and whispered words I wish I could hear to each other. Louis’ dad was standing behind them with a bible in his hand.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the bringing together of these two families and the love that these two have for each other.” He goes on to talk about love and what love really is.

“Love is something that only happens once in one's lifetime if they’re lucky. Love is when someone is willing to put their needs in front of others, love is when two people get along so well that they could spend forever just talking, but if you love someone it doesn’t mean you don’t fight with them, you fight with them because you love them and you want what’s best for them. Love is about creating that balance between two polar opposites and finding a place to meet in the middle. When you allow it, love can do anything.”

The ironic thing about his speech was that we all knew very well that he didn’t believe that love could do anything. Cause if it could, I would be the one getting married today, I would be that one trading vows with Louis, trading ‘I Love yous’ in front of a crowd of people who supported our love even though we’re both guys. Love does not conquer all. If it did, Liam would not have been hung from the gallows last week and neither would have the hundred people who have been killed because of whom they love. It didn’t seem fair. But maybe that was how life was. I had learned that at a young age with Chloe’s death. And here I was, being reminded of that and laughing at myself for forgetting that all these years. I would never get married, I realized in that moment. Not with Louis at least, and if I couldn’t get married to him then I didn’t want to get married to anyone. Rather be alone than live a lie. All my life I had dreamed of being the man waiting by the altar watching the one I love walk down the aisle. When I was younger, I thought that one would be Chloe then at sixteen that dream was smashed. And now, it has been smashed again. Louis and I could never get married. Not here, not now, not ever. Things just didn’t work that way. Happy endings don’t always exist. The ceremony ended and the reception started. There was a dance floor set up by the water along with speakers and some chairs and tables were set off to the side. The DJ turned the music up and people were out on the dance floor getting drunk. I watched from afar as sweaty bodies grinded together on the dance floor. Couples were all over the floor, dancing like there was no tomorrow. They all looked really happy, or maybe they were all just drunk. The only time I found myself really happy was when I was with Louis. The reality of the cruelness of humanity had hit me, knocking away all my innocence and hope. I didn’t look at the world the same anymore. I no longer thought that there was more love than hate in the world, I no longer believed that the light could outshine the dark, I no longer believed in the good in one’s heart. Yeah, I saw the good in Louis’ heart, a lot of it but I realized that there was bad too. There was bad in all of our hearts. I’d liked to believe that it was just this town, but I knew better than that. I had heard stories of the slavery in America, bombings in Afghanistan, and stonings in Iran. There were oppressions everywhere just on different groups and here it happened to be homosexuals. The sun was completely out of view and the stars were sprawled out across the dark sky. The Earth was beautiful, it was the people on it that weren’t. But, there was still some good in the world. Some people were yet to be corrupt. Gemma and Niall were some of the ones who had stayed uncorrupt all these years. Louis too. Niall had a heart of gold, he lived to make others happy. Gemma lived to comfort the ones she loved. And Louis lived to just simply live. He loved nature and the thrill of living, but at the same time he knew of the darkness of the world and he was careful to walk on eggshells around the darkness.

I was currently sitting on the sand, digging my feet in it, watching the party.

“What you still doin’ over here, Haz?” Louis asked me as he took a seat on the sand next to me. I didn’t answer back, I wasn’t sure I was capable of doing so.

“You should join me on the dance floor, it’s really fun,” he said with a smile on his face. Unlike the rest of the people on the dance floor, Louis wasn’t drunk, at least not on alcohol. When I still didn’t answer back his smile faded as his eyes took on a serious nature. I thought of that one part of the pastor’s speech that talked of how lovers emotions reflect off each other.

“What’s wrong, Haz?” he asked. I dug my feet into the sand more as I looked out at the ocean. I sat in this very place where I realized my love for Louis.

“We’re never going to get married, at least not to each other,” I said as I felt a lump in my throat. Louis dug his feet into the sand as well. He nodded his head.

“B-but I don’t want to marry anyone except you,” I told him as tears sprang from my eyes.

“Me too, Haz, me too.” We sat there in silence, realizing the reality of this relationship.

“We don’t need marriage to prove our love to each other,” Louis said after a moment. I picked up sand in my hand.

“That’s not what this is about, Lou.” I opened up my fingers and let the sand slip back into the earth.

“Harry, I know this relationship isn’t going to work in the long run. I’ve known that since day one. Our feelings are still real and as long as they are, I am going to do everything I can to make this relationship work.” He placed his hand on my chin, forcing our eyes to meet.

“Me too, I just wish that were enough.”