In That Moment- A Chicago PD FanFiction

Chapter 7

Erin's P.O.V.

I've spent the past two weeks lying in this hospital bed, and I can honestly say they've been the longest two weeks of my life. Jay's been coming to see me every evening after work, but in a way listening to him talking excitedly about the cases they are working on only makes it worse. I'm dying to get back to work, despite the nerves and apprehension. I know there's no way Voight's going to sign off on it for a while. Not that he'd know how I am, he hasn't been to see me at all he past two weeks. Jay's been by every day, Antonio and Kim come most days too. I'd just expected Voight to be there, he's the only family I have. I've mentioned it to Jay a couple of times, but he's just told me to give Voight some time. I hadn't expected him to be on Voight's side and I can't help but feel there's something he's not telling me.

Thankfully, they're letting me go home today after a lot of protesting from me. Jay's taken some time off work to 'look after' me. The very idea of him looking after me like some kind of nurse annoys me; I've never been very good at letting people look after me. But I also know there's no way Jay will let me get away with doing things for myself. I think in a way my injury has been harder on him. I've got no real memories of what happened that night, and that I'm thankful for. Jay on the other hand is haunted by the memories of that night, and the days in hospital that follow. I know he'll never admit it, but there have been a few nights when he's fallen asleep in the chair beside my bed and I've heard him, calling out in his sleep. I can see it in his face, the toll it's taking on him and it makes me feel bad. He shouldn't have to worry about me.

I smile at Jay as he walks back in to my room, relieved that it doesn't hurt much anymore. The bruises that covered my body have slowly started to fade over the past few days, but the scars from the surgeries are still very visible, a permanent reminder of what happened. I stand up slowly, holding on to the bed to try and keep my balance. It's frustrating, how weak I am. Jay comes up beside me and puts an arm around my waist to hold me up. I lean on him heavily; even the few steps to the door are exhausting. Jay doesn't say anything, just holding on to me tightly. I'm grateful; it's still embarrassing that I can barely do anything for myself, without people bringing it up.

It takes a while, us walking along slowly with Jay half carrying me, but eventually we reach his car. I slide in to the passenger seat, absolutely exhausted but I can't quite resist teasing him. "Let's get this straight- as soon as I'm better you're back in the passenger seat!" I laugh as he starts the engine. He looks at me and rolls his eyes. "It's been so lovely and peaceful working on my own! I get to drive, eat what I want for lunch and no one complains!" He laughs back at me. I lift my hand, giving him a gentle slap on the arm. "You'd miss me too much!" I laugh, knowing he's joking. "Probably, but I do love driving!" He says, pulling out of the parking lot. I lean my head against the window, my eyes drooping closed. The walk to the car is probably the most strenuous thing I've done since my injury and I can feel it's taken its toll.

I rest my head against the window, watching the city pass me by as Jay drives us slowly back to my apartment. It doesn't take us long to get home thankfully, I don't think I'd be able to keep my eyes open much longer. As I open the door and start to climb out, Jay rushes around to my side to help me out, it's sweet of him but at the same time I find it frustrating being treated like some kind of invalid. It's a good job he's there though because my legs buckle under me as I stand up, Jay just managing to catch my elbow and steady me. "Thanks..." I mumble, leaning heavily against him. He doesn't say anything, just holding on to me tightly and leading me up the steps to my apartment.

As I sink down on my bed I can't believe how exhausted I am. I'd got it in my head that I was going to be back at work in a matter of days, but I'm feeling the physical impacts of my injury now. I start trying to change in to my pyjamas but I soon have to admit defeat and reluctantly let Jay help me. I wince, bending my arms to slip them out of my sleeves. Everything hurts, just swinging my legs in to bed is painful. Jay's giving me that look again, I can see him worrying, "I'm fine!" I say to him, but I know it doesn't sound all that reassuring. He frowns at me, getting in to bed beside me. He pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me gently. I close my eyes and smile as I feel him press a gentle kiss on the top of my head. I know it's going to be a long and painful recovery, but knowing he's going to be there with me makes me feel so much better about it.

Jay's P.O.V.

I can hear Erin's breathing even out next to me as she falls asleep, but I can't help but lie there awake, listening. I know she's ok, they wouldn't have let her come home if not, but there's a part of me that's still worrying she might stop breathing or that something might happen during the night. It's an irrational fear, but it's still there. Laying there in the darkness I can almost see her on the floor in that warehouse again, that horrifying moment when I thought I'd never get to speak to her again. My arms tighten a little around her as I think about it. I'm just so lucky that she's here with me now, that I'm getting to chance all the things I thought I wouldn't get the chance to say.

I wake up in the night to find the bed beside me empty. My heart starts racing immediately, panic. It's illogical, she can't have gone far but I still worry. Turning the light on I jump out of bed, walking through her apartment to find her. Relief floods through me as I see the kitchen light on. I walk through the kitchen door to find Erin hunched over, leaning on the worktop. As I get closer I realise she's crying. "Erin?" I bend forward to look at her, trying to work out what's wrong. She turns to face me, leaning her head against my chest. "What if it doesn't get better Jay? What if I can't come back to work? It just hurts so much..." She starts crying again as she comes to the end of her sentence. It's breaking my heart seeing her like this. "Shhh.. It's ok... Look we'll sort it out if it comes to it..." I whisper in her ear. To be honest I don't know what to say to her, they're all thoughts that have crossed my mind, things I don't even want to think about.

We stand there for a few minutes in silence before I gently pull on her hand. It's the middle of the night and she really should be resting. She follows me back in to the bedroom and back in to bed, curling up beside me again. We both lay there, lost in thought. I can't even begin to comprehend the idea that she might not come back to work with me. I can't imagine what it's like for her, we've both spent so long working up to this, putting everything in to the job- the idea that it could be snatched from under us this quickly is frightening. I know it's a possibility that she might not recover fully, but it's not a possibility that I even want to consider.