Shawn's POV
March 28, 2018
"Come on babe, you got this!" April starts jumping up and down and I breathe out and follow her. "I'm- I'm so nervous it's not even funny." I look around at everyone backstage.
I'm so overwhelmed, people with cameras and clipboards, counting down and going over lines; it feels like I've never done this before.
"What if I- what if I fuck up or-"
"You're not gonna mess up, you will perfect this! You're Shawn Mendes!" April's eyes light up as she cups my cheeks and leans her forehead against mine before innocently kissing my lips. "You'll do fine, I'll be right here. I'm right here, Shawn. I love you." Her perfect lips form the most beautiful smile I'll ever known and I just look back at her and know she's my home.
I can do this, I think.
"Just don't worry about it, your fans love you." April continues as I pick up my guitar. I look over to my band and give them a look, they knew I was nervous.
"What if they're disappointed in me? In this performance? What if I let them down?"
I can't take this anymore. I feel like breaking down. This is too much for what I can handle right now. I take April's hand in mine and squeeze it tight.
I'm not ready for the headlines and the Instagram comments or the sponsorships and scripted interviews.
I'm fucking out. I nod my head and begin to take my guitar off my shoulder.
"Shawn, do you love me?" April brings my attention back to her and I let out a deep breath before quickly assuring her that yes, I love her. "Okay, well go out there and sing your heart out for me. I'll be standing right here, whenever you feel nervous just look over at me. I'll be here the whole time" She smiles and let's go of my hand. "I just feel scared. You know? This is something I really feel and- never mind- sorry."
"Never apologize for what you feel. It's like saying you're sorry for being real. You're amazing and real. That's why your fans love you. No matter what you do."
"That's really good advice, where'd come up with that from?"
"Lil Wayne." My girl looks down and I start laughing. "Okay, listen. Your insecurities will ruin you if you let them and baby, I'm not tryna ruin your happiness at all." April jokes and I grin before turning around to see my band walk onto the stage.
"Okay, I can do this. I love you April, so much." I kiss her cheek and adjust my guitar on my shoulders one last time before walking out there.
I take a deep breath in and nod my head at the roaring crowd.
I'm fine now, this is where I belong.
I look to my left to see April who's proudly looking at me from backstage. She nods and motions for me to go along.
help me, it's like the walls are caving in.
sometimes I feel like giving up but I just can't,
it isn't in my blood.
April's POV
April 1, 2018
"I missed having Sunday dinner with you guys," I smile telling my father who's digging right into my step mother's meal. "I missed having a co- chef."
I feel more wanted here, no one judges me for the amount of food I eat or the way I dress and do my hair.
I also miss Stella way too much, I'm glad I'm spending this holiday with her and our other cousins.
