April's POV
January 3, 2018
I wake up to a sweet aroma of what I think are blueberry pancakes and a familiar angelic voice softly singing. I shot up in my bed, my duvet was all twisty and I am missing a sock.
When I woke up, all I heard was Shawn's beautiful voice and it sort of refreshed me.
So, I got up and looked at myself in the mirror and started hysterically laughing. "How did my hair get like this?" I say and then walk over to the bathroom to get prepared for a breakfast with Shawn, Kate and Matthew.
"Good morning," I almost say but a quick yawn escapes my lips and I giggle looking down at the blueberry pancakes my amazing roommate has made. "I heard you in the middle of the night," Shawn says and I give him a confused look as I take a seat next to him.
"April, you had a nightmare, you think your night terrors are coming back?" Kate asks me and I shrug. "I don't remember, I woke up with one sock on my foot though." I laugh but Shawn looked concerned.
Shawn forces a laugh and I look at Matt and shrugged. "I'm guessing you woke up because of Shawn, I did." Matt jokes, playfully rolling his eyes. "Yeah, what were you singing?" I say, my eyes widen and I smile brightly.
Shawn's cheeks redden and he grins shrugging his shoulders jokingly. "Maybe something new, I don't know yet so I just recorded something really quick." He says and Kate interrupts, "where is SM3?" She asks and her boyfriend looks at her, then down at her plate and steals her food.
I looked around the kitchen, remembering last night when Shawn and Matthew surprised us and I swear I never cleaned the dining room so fast. "It's coming along- I'm still so upset I'm letting go of Illuminate if we are being quite honest- it was so different from Handwritten and I'm nervous about this album." He says, we were there when Handwritten came out, living in the same town as him but we didn't know each other until Kate met Matt.
It's still kinda crazy, we are only 19. There's so much happening and so much has already happened.
As this new year begins, I promise to be kinder to myself, to stop thinking about everyone and everything that broke me, to let go of negative and selfish people, to stop wasting time on nonsense; and most importantly, to love myself unconditionally, no matter what comes in my way.
"You're still going to sing Bad Reputation, right?" Kate asks and my head shoots up and I drop my fork, looking anywhere but at Shawn even though he was sitting next to me.
"Uh, yeah. I'm still going to preform that." He nods, locks of his chocolate brown hair move sloppily as he nods his head. I smile to myself as goosebumps invade my body once again this morning and this was all because of the curly haired boy sitting next to me.
Shawn likes to think otherwise but he is an easy person to read. I adore all of his music, he has such a pure, raw talent and I love how drawn he is to write about his personal life.
I just wish mine wasn't involved.
September 22, 2016
"Did you listen to Illuminate?" Kate runs up to me smiling, showing me her phone. I shove my books into my locker and nod, "it's actually crazy! This is our friend," she says and I force a smile closing my locker.
"Yeah, Shawn actually texted me this morning about it, he gifted me one of the tracks called Bad Reputation." My voice cracks as we walked down the empty halls of school. The days been over for about an hour, we stay late to monitor in the office, no one bothers us when we are in there.
Even though we are seniors and I shouldn't care about anymore drama, I do because Jack and his friends are in all my classes. They're always distracting me from my grades and causing me to overthink all my flaws as they point out my insecurities.
"Hmm, I wonder why just that one song, do you think it's written about you?" She asks and I stop in my tracks, looking at my best friend.
"Yes, it is." Was all I said, the lyrics are in my head, Shawn's writing just keeps getting better and better but he's hurting me, reminding me of sophomore and junior year.
Kate looked at me, waiting for me to tell her what happened. Her blue eyes darkened whenever she was nervous. It was a trait I often see, a result of her worrying about me.
"It's because the last time I was with him, he saved me from Mark." I say and then scoff thinking back to the night. "What happened?" She asks and I look at the ground.
"Kate, Shawn found me at Mark's party, Mark tried to get with me and I put up a fight like I usually do but when I learned that Shawn was at the other side of the door trying to help me, it all went downhill." I speak up and she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
"He kicked Mark out and I just sat there, crying and begging for him to take me back to my parents house. He was really careful and gentle with me, asking me to talk about what happened and I was so vulnerable and told him things I still haven't told you." I reveal and her eyes widen.
"He's such an ass, I hate him." She says and starts walking to the exit. "What do you mean you hate him? He wrote a song for me," I run after my best friend, we approached the doorway and she half smiles holding it open, "Jack is going to find out," she says and I swear I just felt my whole world crumble.
"April, you good?" Shawn nudges my arm and I wake up from my thoughts. "Yeah, I'm fine, I forgot I had a shift today at work," I lie and stand up. "Oh, well, do you want me to drive you?" He asks, also getting up to follow me into my room.
"No, no, it's okay. Thank you, Shawn. That was really sweet." I smile looking down at his pajama pants. "You're so adorable," I say and his cheeks flush, I turn around to grab my work clothes and sigh. I didn't wanna go in today but I don't think I can stay around here, it hurts.
I enter my bathroom and sit on the sink, brushing my hair and putting some light makeup on. Shawn watches me from my bed and I occasionally look back at him in the mirror which causes him to smile. "You know, what I was singing this morning all came into my head because of you." He walks into the washroom and stands behind me, his hands on my waist and sparks run through my body, up and down my spine.
"Why me? I got a bad reputation," I whisper looking at him in the mirror. He breathes out and turns me around to face him. I cup his cheeks slowly and softly before wrapping my arms around his neck.
He was close, I was getting lost in his eyes and I felt his hot breath fan my neck. "Because you're beautiful, you're strong and independent. You're so mysterious and I know the real you," Shawn's voice was low and my eyes darted down to his lips.
"We kiss once and you think you have me all figured out, huh?" I bite my lip, teasing him. I kick my feet against the bottom of the counter, telling him that I want down.
"I want you." He says and we walk back into my room. I grab his hand and take a gander at his gorgeous face before speaking up. "And I want magic powers like the enchantress from Beauty and the Beast. Maybe then you'll see that just because I'm attractive doesn't mean I'm beautiful; Shawn it's what's underneath all of this." I say grabbing my car keys and walking out of my room.
