i know this isn't my regular style of writing but, I'm Stella and it's hard to write this.
Stella's POV
November 29, 2018
what did I just do? fuck. what the fuck did I just do?
"Stella, relax. Please stop crying and tell me what's wrong." My roommate whispers as I'm just collapsed in her arms on the old carpeted floor. "He-" I closed my eyes as I feel my voice tremble as Maria rocks me gently.
"Who? Who hurt you?" She asks, her voice was stern, so it was more like a demand. I feel so broken, I flinched and took a breath out. "Stella, what's wrong?" More of my friends flooded my dorm room. "Luke,"
Is this it? Is that was heartbreak feels like?
"We broke up." I managed to say about five minutes later.
"Seriously? What the fuck are you doing Luke?" I made a run for it, screaming over at my boyfriend who was across the parking lot.
fuck, it's windy. we've never really had heated moments like this, our relationship was easygoing because we jumped into it quick, knowing what we wanted.. welp.
Luke hasn't answered, he's just standing there with his hands in his pocket as he gives me the slyest look I've ever seen. does he want me to bug the fuck out? because I will. "So, are you done ignoring me?" I finally catch up to Luke and this mystery girl. "Oh, hey. How are you?" I turn to the blonde and she looks away, smirking.
"Is something funny? Is it me? I'll give you something to laugh at," I cross my arms and Luke finally buds in. "No,"
"No? No what?"
"I'm not done ignoring you. I'm sorry," he says, completely unbothered. I was, until now.
"S- so-"
"Stella, we can't do this anymore. I told you last week-"
"You lead me on! What you told me last week, huh? Nothing. You fucking lied to me." My voice gets louder as it starts to thunder.
great, I'm gonna have to walk alone in the pouring rain. is it tears or just the fucking rain? "It's over, Stella. I'm sorry." Luke's eyes darken and he looks away. I breathe out and look over at the girl who's made a decent amount of space between Luke and I and her.
"Yeah," I roll my eyes, nodding. "It's over." I sigh and turn to walk away. "I'll see you around," I say and I hear Luke sigh and immediately turn around.
"Do not play the victim." I mumble at the person who I thought loved me, stares me in the face, emotionless. "If- if you ever need anything. You know where to find me." I tell him as I start to walk away again.
"Yeah," he mumbles and I ignore it and continue to walk as the rain comes like waves, towering over my heart, flooding my thoughts.
"I'm gonna beat his fucking ass," I hear one of my friends say.
"Oh really? Yes! Bring it!" My other friend chimes in, then we all look up and stare at the doorway. someone's knocked.
silence floods my usually pretty loud dorm.
"Do you want me to get it?" Maria asks me, I couldn't say a word. I feel Sierra's eyes on me, I hear her mumble under her breath and I sink into my other friends' arms more, sniffling as I keep my eyes shut.
"I know, how quick that relationship was, but he was your first real love. It's okay to cry, we are all right here." I smile softly at my friends words and wipe the unwanted tears from my eyes.
I closed my eyes again right before looking back at Sierra, motioning for her to get the door. I don't want to see the world right now without Luke. "Uh, yeah. Lemme get it though." Sierra finally says and I sigh. "Stella?" I hear his voice.
I'm now thinking of ways to change my name.
"Lu-Luke?" I whisper but don't move. My friend embraces me even tighter and Sierra starts talking. "Why are you here, Luke?"
"I wanted to talk to Stella, that's all." I hear the old door squeak, it does that when it's opening. "He can't come in here. Tell him I'm not here." I whisper, hoping someone can hear me. I cannot talk without choking up.
"She's not here."
"Oh. Are you sure? I was just with her- that looks like the jacket she was just wearing."
I'm burning that article of clothing now.
"He can't see me?" I whisper again, I'm behind the door, you'd have to step fully into my room to get to see me. I'm sitting on the floor, my head leaning back on the door that I feel Luke is holding open. "You're good," my friend whispers back and I nod, gulping.
"Why are you looking for her if you were just with her? Shouldn't you-"
"Alright, Sierra, alright. She's not here? I don't know why. When you see her, tell her I came around. I'm done." Luke's voice was angry, but why? He's free of me now. "No promises I'll tell her that." Sierra shuts the door and I go falling back as it moved off of me.
I chuckle at myself falling, everyone then laughs. I stand up and look into the mirror. "What an asshole," I say, all of my friends tackle me in a group hug and I breathe out.
So.. our relationship is over? I start breathing heavily again. My phone chimes, Maria says it was him. If I answer it, theres no thought of where this call would lead me. And now, I'm crying. He doesn't deserve my tears, he practically cheated on me. "Was I not good enough?" I say aloud, allowing the tears to flow down my cheeks. I couldn't control myself, every part of my body just ached.
"He told me he loved me last week,"
"Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry." Maria pulls me into a hug. "You're the best roommate ever." I whisper and look over at Sierra. "You'll be okay, he won't though. He just lost the most beautiful girl, how could he ever recover?"
"Sierra, can we talk. Alone?" I look over at my best friend. "Shower first? You smell like rain." She jokes and I nod. "Yeah, lemme freshen up."
-
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"I think it's time to tell my cousin, I can't believe I just told you that." I look over at Sierra who hands me her phone. "You could have told me from day one, I expected him to be your first when I saw you guys getting so much closer. I think I know when it happened, I saw how much you changed."
Sierra sticks her tongue out and I take a breath, trying to not let my emotions get the best of me. "You would have loved to be around me when I first got some." My best friend winks and I chuckle, dialing April's phone.
"April, hello?" I choke into my phone, I hear Shawn take a deep breath before he started talking. "I can't tell Shawn, he'll come here right now and beat Luke's ass." I whisper, covering my microphone and Sierra's jaw drops. "How'd you know that's Shawn?" Sierra looks at me and I raise an eyebrow and shrug playfully. "Stella, it's Shawn. Are you alright?"
All night, my friends, people across and down the hallway in my building and random people on my fan account have asked me: "are you okay, Stella?"
do they expect me to immediately say : "NO", crying as I break at the seams?
I've used "I'm fine" many, many times. it doesn't sound true anymore. even Luke's said that.
I can't believe it's over between us.
"N-no- no. No, I'm not." I whisper and then tell Shawn to bring April to the phone.
